Being An Older FTM

[Anonymous]

I'm pregnant with my first child at 38. I didn't meet my husband until I was 35. We are both very excited but I do feel discouraged when I see posts bashing older moms. I think many would agree that it would have been wonderful to have children soon but I was not willing to have a child with someone I wasn't sure about. I waited until I found a man who is a wonderful husband and who will be a great father. That was more important to me than having kids at a young age. We are also older and won't feel like we are missing out on anything as young parents ( two of my siblings were teen parents) and we are financially stable. We have the ability to pay for any form of childcare or for meet quit my job and stay at home while we have kids. We won't have the same stresses we would have had if we had met 10 years earlier. I do know I may not have as much energy as I did when I was younger but I feel the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. Any other older FTM parents feel this way?

[Anonymous]

I feel like on this board anyone who had a kid before they were 30 are bashed since there's a large contingent of older moms here.

[Anonymous]

I had my first at 38 and my second at 40. I have found that, having lived a very full life before entering motherhood a bonus.

No regrets. I never feel like I lost out on anything.

You have the added benefit of a secure marriage, where you got to be a couple for awhile. You're more mature and can mange the energy drain that all parents experience by bringing in help that you can now afford.

I would not have been the parent I am today if I had become a mom earlier in my life. I admire those who could and have done well with it. Growing up with your children sounds wonderful. I don't envy it or judge it.

We all have our own path. This was mine, and I'm content.

[Anonymous]

I was 36.5 and 38.75 when my two were born. They are 13 and 11 now. It's fine. They keep me young. Caring for them as newborns was a joy. Yes, I was tired but newborns need a lot of round the clock care and it's tiring. You'll do great! Congrats!

[Anonymous]

You don't need to feel this way. Six years ago I asked my gyno about advanced maternal age, I was lamenting the same thing. She looked at me like I was crazy and told me that in the DMV, 37 was the average age of a woman giving birth. She was very encouraging. I had my daughter at 39. I have plenty of energy, we're financially stable, we have a house, we have a lot of life experience. I don't think having kids younger or older is "better" but there are definitely positives on both sides.

Congratulations! I hope you enjoy your pregnancy and your child.

[Anonymous]

People will judge women for having kids "too soon" and they'll judge them for having kids "too late".

There's no "right" way, you just have to do what's best for you. Also if anyone is rude enough to actually say anything take the gloves off and respond in kind.

[Anonymous]

I had my one and only at 37, contemplating another at 40/41. I think it depends on the person and that everyone should do what's right for them. For me, any decline in overall energy is more than offset by emotional maturity and patience. I feel confident that I am a good and thoughtful mom now, and I feel confident in my abilities. Even when I sometimes feel judged or unsure of a parenting decision, I have enough life experience to manage that without getting caught up in parenting trends or just doing what people I know are doing to fit in. It's really liberating.

I would not have made a good mother in my 20s. I'm sure I would have tried my best, but I had a lot of stuff to figure out with regards to my own upbringing. For a time I didn't think I'd have children simply because I didn't want to burden my kids with the baggage of my family. So I'm really glad I waited, as is my husband. Zero regrets.

So much of mom shaming stems from insecurity and jealousy. People bash older moms because they worry about their own choices. They bash young moms for the same reason. In the end, only you know if you are ready. Trust your judgement -- you'll need to do it a lot!

[Anonymous]

Geez op. Stop reading these posts if you’re this delicate.

Advanced maternal age isn’t exactly rare in the dmv.

Some people will judge you regardless—what snacks your kid eats, what clothes they wear, what school they go to.... They are not important to your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like on this board anyone who had a kid before they were 30 are bashed since there's a large contingent of older moms here.

+1. What's ironic is most of those parents who get married and have kids younger and divorced by mid-to-late thirties. I would rather wait later to find the right person and be an older parent, than rush into it and be young and divorced with kids. Not saying that happens all of the time but divorce rates are high. DC hates some of the highest cheating rates in the country. Older parents can get divorced but I think it's more likely when you're younger and don't fully know what you want. Many people who get married later in life have the advantage of life experience and knowing what they want in a partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Geez op. Stop reading these posts if you’re this delicate.

Advanced maternal age isn’t exactly rare in the dmv.

Some people will judge you regardless—what snacks your kid eats, what clothes they wear, what school they go to.... They are not important to your life.

+1 who cares what people on this forum say and like someone above said- to be a FTM at 38 in the DC area is pretty common anyways

[Anonymous]

Congrats! And don't worry about it. I am expecting and will be 38 too when baby is born (my 2nd, after a very long gap). I feel fine about it, it is something to celebrate.

[Anonymous]

People will bash you for anything and everything. Just learn to block it out and live your life. Take what you can from DCUM but don't take everything to heart. These are strangers. You are in charge of YOUR life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like on this board anyone who had a kid before they were 30 are bashed since there's a large contingent of older moms here.

+1. What's ironic is most of those parents who get married and have kids younger and divorced by mid-to-late thirties. I would rather wait later to find the right person and be an older parent, than rush into it and be young and divorced with kids. Not saying that happens all of the time but divorce rates are high. DC hates some of the highest cheating rates in the country. Older parents can get divorced but I think it's more likely when you're younger and don't fully know what you want. Many people who get married later in life have the advantage of life experience and knowing what they want in a partner.

This is really bitter and sad. You do you and let younger moms do them.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you live in DC? Because you'll find that the majority of moms in the DC area are older moms. I delivered at Sibley years ago and their average age for first time delivery was 37 at that time. I had my first at 36 and my second at 41 and nobody has batted an eye. I worried about it more than anyone else. And once the baby is born, I don't think you'll give this much thought anymore. Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like on this board anyone who had a kid before they were 30 are bashed since there's a large contingent of older moms here.

+1. What's ironic is most of those parents who get married and have kids younger and divorced by mid-to-late thirties. I would rather wait later to find the right person and be an older parent, than rush into it and be young and divorced with kids. Not saying that happens all of the time but divorce rates are high. DC hates some of the highest cheating rates in the country. Older parents can get divorced but I think it's more likely when you're younger and don't fully know what you want. Many people who get married later in life have the advantage of life experience and knowing what they want in a partner.

This is really bitter and sad. You do you and let younger moms do them.

Agreed, PP +1'ed a post about how younger moms get bashed and then . . . proceeds to bash younger moms!