Being An Older FTM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to feel this way. Six years ago I asked my gyno about advanced maternal age, I was lamenting the same thing. She looked at me like I was crazy and told me that in the DMV, 37 was the average age of a woman giving birth. She was very encouraging. I had my daughter at 39. I have plenty of energy, we're financially stable, we have a house, we have a lot of life experience. I don't think having kids younger or older is "better" but there are definitely positives on both sides.

Congratulations! I hope you enjoy your pregnancy and your child.

I had a very similar experience - first at 36, contemplating a second that would come hopefully around 38-39. Sometimes I wish I'd started earlier so that we could have an option on a third at an age we are both comfortable with, but I didn't meet my husband until I was 31 or so and I never regret not having kids with any guys I dated earlier in life. Life isn't perfect but we're financially sound, I'm more mature and patient than I was in my 20s, we have a supportive network, and I gave my kid the right dad. Everything else can be worked out.

But if I'd found a life partner in my 20s I very likely would have started sooner. C'est la vie.

[Anonymous]

LOL you won’t get bashed, at least in this area. I had my first at 26 and you’d think I was a child bride based on the responses I get. Haven’t met anyone with kids who isn’t at LEAST 5 years older than me, majority are 10. You’ll fit right in.

Anyways, congrats!

[Anonymous]

Stop reading those posts. I was 40 when we adopted DD and I dont feel like an old parent.

[Anonymous]

No one cares. Seriously. This was a difficult lesson for me as a FTM, but you'll save a lot of energy if you stop perceiving judgment where there isn't any. And where there is actual judgment? Truly, truly not worth spending any time on.

[Anonymous]

Older FTM means 40+ in DCUMlandia. You are fine.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to motherhood. You're going to be judged on *everything*.

Breastfed vs. formula
Co-sleeping vs. crying it out
Dressing baby in appropriate clothing in winter.
Starting on solids
Letting have a bottle too long
Pacifier for too long
Working outside the home vs. stay at home mom
Daycare center vs. home daycare vs. nanny vs. stay at home mom
Toilet training
Screen time
Reshirting for kindergarten

And that's just up to the age of 5. Ignore it and do what's right for you and your family.

-Mom of two
36 and 40 when they were born

[Anonymous]

Ignore the people who can't be happy for you. It's usually because they're jealous. One of my best friends adopted her child when she was 42 after losing multiple babies before that. She's one of the absolute best moms I know and her daughter is a gem. Anyone who looks down on someone for their age is not someone worth giving any time or energy to. Congratulations to you and your husband!

[Anonymous]

You are going to need to develop a thicker skin. Every single thing a mother does is judged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL you won’t get bashed, at least in this area. I had my first at 26 and you’d think I was a child bride based on the responses I get. Haven’t met anyone with kids who isn’t at LEAST 5 years older than me, majority are 10. You’ll fit right in.

Anyways, congrats!

+1 I have a friend who had her first at 27 in DC and people always thought she was the nanny and other moms wouldn't talk to her. Late 30 moms are super common.

My DH had a similar freak out about being an "old Dad" because he was 40 when DS was born LOL. Totally normal age around here for a first-time dad. But he comes from a working class community in southern VA and his brother became a dad at 21 and most of his old HS friends were dads by 25.

[Anonymous]

Agree you are totally normal in the DMV and that moms seem to get judged for everything we do (or don’t do). It sucks but it is what it is.

Your reasons for waiting to have kids make a ton of sense. I had my first kid at 34, for similar reasons as you. My best friend had her kids at 20 and 22, never married the dad and got married to her DH at 28. She will be an empty nester at the age of 40, both kids will be graduated from college by the time she’s 44. It’s a wildly different life than mine but we are both very happy with our life choices. She used to get mistaken as the nanny all the time at her kids school and activities, and I’m sure people judged her as well.

[Anonymous]

OP I think you're imagining the bashing of older moms. I'm in the same boat and have experienced zero bashing.

[Anonymous]

just had a baby at 40. Everyone was so happy for me. If you see bashing it's because you are looking for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Welcome to motherhood. You're going to be judged on *everything*.

Breastfed vs. formula
Co-sleeping vs. crying it out
Dressing baby in appropriate clothing in winter.
Starting on solids
Letting have a bottle too long
Pacifier for too long
Working outside the home vs. stay at home mom
Daycare center vs. home daycare vs. nanny vs. stay at home mom
Toilet training
Screen time
Reshirting for kindergarten

And that's just up to the age of 5. Ignore it and do what's right for you and your family.

-Mom of two
36 and 40 when they were born

Except she won't be. No one is judging you because we are all too busy to care. Stop perpetuating this "woe is me" myth. It's outdated and harmful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like on this board anyone who had a kid before they were 30 are bashed since there's a large contingent of older moms here.

+1. What's ironic is most of those parents who get married and have kids younger and divorced by mid-to-late thirties. I would rather wait later to find the right person and be an older parent, than rush into it and be young and divorced with kids. Not saying that happens all of the time but divorce rates are high. DC hates some of the highest cheating rates in the country. Older parents can get divorced but I think it's more likely when you're younger and don't fully know what you want. Many people who get married later in life have the advantage of life experience and knowing what they want in a partner.

Right. Those are the only 2 options. Either you can be an old parent or a really young divorced parent. There’s NO OTHER option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the people who can't be happy for you. It's usually because they're jealous. One of my best friends adopted her child when she was 42 after losing multiple babies before that. She's one of the absolute best moms I know and her daughter is a gem. Anyone who looks down on someone for their age is not someone worth giving any time or energy to. Congratulations to you and your husband!

You honestly think people are jealous that your friend had multiple losses???