How to help my adult daughter

[Anonymous]

Any advice on how to help my adult daughter deal with the fact that ALL of her friends are getting married, having kids, and she is so so sad that she hasn't met anyone yet? She is 29, is our oldest, and is the age where she is watching all of her childhood and other friends get engaged, married, etc, and she is getting quite depressed about it. I sit with her, hold her hand as she cries, try to bolster her, but really don't know what the hell to tell her.

She desperately wants to get married and have a family, but she says she's losing hope even though I know she is still young. I just don't know what to say.....and I hate seeing her so sad.

Any advice welcome. She is generally such a happy and upbeat person, is such a joy in so many ways, and I, too, am sad for her although I don't let her see that.

[Anonymous]

"A relationship isn't the most important thing"

[Anonymous]

Has she used dating sites? If not, encourage her to do so. I’m amazed how many people in their 30’s have met their SO on these sites.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Oh my gosh. Where do y’all live? Are you in the south or something? 29 is young.

29 is a great age for dating because it’s prime dating age for dating guys 28 to 34. Many guys that age are still dating AND looking to get married.

She needs to stop crying and get on a lot of dating apps. (Covid does complicate dating it seems so not sure what to say about that though.)

Also, people who meet and marry in their twenties are much more likely to divorce than people who marry in their thirties.

Seriously, tell her to buck up! 29 is a great age for a woman to be dating. So is 30-32. After that it gets a bit tougher just demographically. Because so many men are married. But then the divorced start and more men come on the market.

Seriously, she needs to change her perspective

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has she used dating sites? If not, encourage her to do so. I’m amazed how many people in their 30’s have met their SO on these sites.

I think this. Widen the net.

[Anonymous]

Is she getting out there and dating or is she sitting home with you? If the latter you need to stop enabling. She needs to get involved in things (not now obviously) where she will meet a range of people. What are her passions/interests?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"A relationship isn't the most important thing"

Yes it is -- to most people, and clearly to OP's DD.

OP, it's a pandemic. That makes things hard. But help her stay as busy as possible. Volunteering is a great way to meet people. Taking classes, signing up for MeetUp groups, hobbies -- she just needs to get out there. She'll find someone. Good luck to her.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to wait for the right person. Don’t be me who got married just because I wanted to get married. I was divorced 3 years later, and did eventually get remarried and have kids. It’s a marathon not a sprint.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the great replies. They are all things I have told her. She gets very emotional and down at certain times of the month, and at those times (like yesterday), nothing I say matters. I agree that she needs to widen the net and a use the dating apps, even if she has to wait until things calm down with the virus. There is no shame in it like she thinks there is as none of her friends have met their SO that way. My own sister found her gem of a second husband on one. It's just a tool I told her. Just a way to meet someone that could be living two towns away that you might never have crossed paths with!

Yes, she is "out there" as much as she can be right now. She isn't a hermit lol. She had a few not very nice men that she had to break up with over the years, and she just found out that her first boyfriend is married and expecting his first baby. That hit her hard and made her think....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to wait for the right person. Don’t be me who got married just because I wanted to get married. I was divorced 3 years later, and did eventually get remarried and have kids. It’s a marathon not a sprint.

+100 I've been married a long time, but I can't say that I married "the right one".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"A relationship isn't the most important thing"

Yes it is -- to most people, and clearly to OP's DD.

OP, it's a pandemic. That makes things hard. But help her stay as busy as possible. Volunteering is a great way to meet people. Taking classes, signing up for MeetUp groups, hobbies -- she just needs to get out there. She'll find someone. Good luck to her.

If you're not happy being alone you're not going to be happy with someone else, especially if you expect them to make you happy.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to buck up and get on the dating sites. It is a numbers game. Especially once out of school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"A relationship isn't the most important thing"

Yes it is -- to most people, and clearly to OP's DD.

OP, it's a pandemic. That makes things hard. But help her stay as busy as possible. Volunteering is a great way to meet people. Taking classes, signing up for MeetUp groups, hobbies -- she just needs to get out there. She'll find someone. Good luck to her.

If you're not happy being alone you're not going to be happy with someone else, especially if you expect them to make you happy.

I don't buy this. Most people want and need a loving relationship. Sure, if you're stuck being alone then make the most of it, but that's not ideal for most people.

[Anonymous]

OP, hopefully she isn't coming across as needy. This scares off more guys than it attracts.