How to help my adult daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the great replies. They are all things I have told her. She gets very emotional and down at certain times of the month, and at those times (like yesterday), nothing I say matters. I agree that she needs to widen the net and a use the dating apps, even if she has to wait until things calm down with the virus. There is no shame in it like she thinks there is as none of her friends have met their SO that way. My own sister found her gem of a second husband on one. It's just a tool I told her. Just a way to meet someone that could be living two towns away that you might never have crossed paths with!

Yes, she is "out there" as much as she can be right now. She isn't a hermit lol. She had a few not very nice men that she had to break up with over the years, and she just found out that her first boyfriend is married and expecting his first baby. That hit her hard and made her think....

Oh poor thing....that is hard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the great replies. They are all things I have told her. She gets very emotional and down at certain times of the month, and at those times (like yesterday), nothing I say matters. I agree that she needs to widen the net and a use the dating apps, even if she has to wait until things calm down with the virus. There is no shame in it like she thinks there is as none of her friends have met their SO that way. My own sister found her gem of a second husband on one. It's just a tool I told her. Just a way to meet someone that could be living two towns away that you might never have crossed paths with!

Yes, she is "out there" as much as she can be right now. She isn't a hermit lol. She had a few not very nice men that she had to break up with over the years, and she just found out that her first boyfriend is married and expecting his first baby. That hit her hard and made her think....

Oh poor thing....that is hard

She needs a combination: interesting CO ED activities , and a dating site or three.

[Anonymous]

Christ, shes 29!!! Live life and stop comparing to her friends. Does she want to get married and have kids bc she truly wants to, or bc all her friends are? I don’t understand this. Maybe perhaps guide her in the direction that if it’s meant to happen, it will happen...and in the meanwhile, do something she enjoys...travel? Hobbies?

As the mother of a daughter I’d like to teach her that it’s better to be single than to settle for the sake of being married and having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"A relationship isn't the most important thing"

Yes it is -- to most people, and clearly to OP's DD.

OP, it's a pandemic. That makes things hard. But help her stay as busy as possible. Volunteering is a great way to meet people. Taking classes, signing up for MeetUp groups, hobbies -- she just needs to get out there. She'll find someone. Good luck to her.

Um, actually it's not to most people. Maybe where you're from? But in highly-educated, urban areas like D.C., most people recognize that a relationship does not make you whole, a relationship does not make you happy, and a relationship does not make you fulfilled. This has been proven over and over in numerous psych studies. There is a slight "happiness bump" for the first year or two that you're in a healthy and satisfying relationship, but then you revert to your baseline - and oftentimes even lower than your baseline for women who have another dependent on their hands. It's very, very temporary. If you're not happy with yourself, as a full and complete human being, woman or man, then you won't feel any differently after a year or so of marriage.

Still not buying it. Family is crucial. I'd much rather have a happy family life than be happy alone. The entire idea that you have to learn to be happy alone is crazy. We are pack animals, not robots or grizzly bears. If you aren't happier being around people than being alone, then there's something wrong there (that can be worked on, presumably).

I think you are confusing somethings. No one is saying you should be happy without social interaction of any kind.

Just that you shouldn't be miserable, depressed crying all the time if you aren't in a romantic relationship. A relationship should be healthy and bring you happiness, it should not be the origin of your happiness.


Just my experience, but the people who are happy with their lives, single or not, have happier and healthier romantic relationships, than people who are in romantic relationships because without them they are lost and miserable.

Np, this bolded part X1000, i think the point being missed is that, she is seeking happiness from a relationship. It is a "goal" for her. When she achieves this, she will be temporarily happy ... but it will fade and she will revert back to her baseline. And if she is not happy with herself first and foremost, that unhappiness will return, married or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any advice on how to help my adult daughter deal with the fact that ALL of her friends are getting married, having kids, and she is so so sad that she hasn't met anyone yet? She is 29, is our oldest, and is the age where she is watching all of her childhood and other friends get engaged, married, etc, and she is getting quite depressed about it. I sit with her, hold her hand as she cries, try to bolster her, but really don't know what the hell to tell her.

She desperately wants to get married and have a family, but she says she's losing hope even though I know she is still young. I just don't know what to say.....and I hate seeing her so sad.

Any advice welcome. She is generally such a happy and upbeat person, is such a joy in so many ways, and I, too, am sad for her although I don't let her see that.

How about some honest advice other than the “just be yourself” bs? Obviously being herself and waiting ain’t working.

Priority 1: Gym every day and count those calories
Priority 2: Better skin care, hair, makeup
Priority 3: Tight jeans, throw away the baggy shirts, buy a nice push up bra, and for god’s sake, learn to walk in high heels. Women, flats are the unsexiest thing to have befallen womankind since the “pixie cut”.

Once the above is complete, she will literally, LITERALLY, need to carry a stick to beat off the men flocking to her.

Harsh, possibly unkind advice? Yup. The sexual marketplace isn’t kind either. Well, unless she’s cool with settling for an overweight, pasty white, bearded, beta male with thick rimmed glasses who opines incessantly about microbrews

[Anonymous]

Guy here. Just from the original post she is coming across as an unemployed, still living at home, doing nothing to help herself, just complaining about how unfair life is.

How do you think she’s coming off in real life? Does she still live at home?