If you have two boys, 2 years apart, when did life feel manageable?

[Anonymous]

I am really struggling.

Ds1 is 4 and DS2 is 20 months, with special needs.

Weekends are pure misery. I count minutes. Our house is trashed. I haven’t brushed my hair since last week. I haven’t showered in at least 4 days.

I’m so exhausted.

I work full time and count down the hours until Monday morning and the nanny gets here and I can go to the basement and be away from my kids.

I found life much easier when DS2 was a baby but now that he can run and climb and get into everything, while the 4 yo never stops asking questions/demands.....this is worse than when I had my firstborn.

When will we turn the corner??

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure the answer to this, but can you shower and brush your hair during your lunch hour while the nanny is there? Saturday and Sunday might be a miserable mess, but you’d have time to “yourself” 5 days per week.

[Anonymous]

This is probably not what you want to hear but we are not totally there yet and my kids are 9 and almost 7. Of course they’re mostly independent but they have SO MUCH ENERGY. They are best buddies and that is great but they need to be run like puppies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure the answer to this, but can you shower and brush your hair during your lunch hour while the nanny is there? Saturday and Sunday might be a miserable mess, but you’d have time to “yourself” 5 days per week.

Op here. I am able to get a little time a couple days of the week but not everyday. Our nanny works 8-5 and not a minute more, which is unfortunately exactly the hours I need to be present at work. I usually have to work through lunch but sometimes manage to take a shower or do some laundry or hit the grocery store.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is probably not what you want to hear but we are not totally there yet and my kids are 9 and almost 7. Of course they’re mostly independent but they have SO MUCH ENERGY. They are best buddies and that is great but they need to be run like puppies.

Op here. So not what I wanted to hear but I appreciate the reply. Was hoping maybe magically the corner might turn at 2. I know that’s probably a fantasy.

[Anonymous]

We have twin boys (5 years old now) and life is continuously getting easier for us. Compared to when they were 3, huge improvement. But I second the PP, you sort of need to treat them like puppies when it comes to exercise/energy levels haha.

Could you hire more help? Cleaning firm, baby sitter?

[Anonymous]

OP, it depends on the kids but by the time the youngest is 3, it's just so much easier to communicate.

[Anonymous]

I have two boys two years apart and the second also has special needs. I can’t trust him because he’s more wild than my first so I turn on a show while I take a shower. It’s definitely worth it. My youngest was also a really fast runner but that subsided by 4. I would say by 3 and 5 they played well together and have really bonded during this time.

[Anonymous]

You don't have to asnwer but what are your younger child's special needs? That's going to impact the answer to this question. Will they make it harder for DS 1 to play with him and include him in the same activities in the future?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have twin boys (5 years old now) and life is continuously getting easier for us. Compared to when they were 3, huge improvement. But I second the PP, you sort of need to treat them like puppies when it comes to exercise/energy levels haha.

Could you hire more help? Cleaning firm, baby sitter?

Op here. I’m too ashamed to hire more help because I feel like I already have help 5 days a week and should be able to handle them on the weekends. I can’t handle them, but it’s like getting help would be giving up on mothering them almost completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to asnwer but what are your younger child's special needs? That's going to impact the answer to this question. Will they make it harder for DS 1 to play with him and include him in the same activities in the future?

Op here. The full scope isn’t really clear yet. He has a genetic disorder. It might look similar to autism. He has delays in language, motor, etc.

But the issues are he has zero fear, is very large and strong (the size of an average 3.5 year old but with the mind of an 11-16 month old). He cries a lot and is hard to soothe. He’s very determined.

Example: in the course of 2-3 minutes yesterday he:

Opened, climbed into dish washer and retrieved a knife and was carrying it around and would run away when we tried to take it from him
Reached up onto kitchen counter, got my phone, and put it in the toilet
Somehow grabbed a glass and threw it on the tile floor, where it shattered
Swallowed a penny

DS1 didn’t do anything like this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have twin boys (5 years old now) and life is continuously getting easier for us. Compared to when they were 3, huge improvement. But I second the PP, you sort of need to treat them like puppies when it comes to exercise/energy levels haha.

Could you hire more help? Cleaning firm, baby sitter?

Op here. I’m too ashamed to hire more help because I feel like I already have help 5 days a week and should be able to handle them on the weekends. I can’t handle them, but it’s like getting help would be giving up on mothering them almost completely.

I take it you don't have a SO to share the childcare and housework. You need the additional help to provide you with some breathing room so you can mother. The important thing is that you want to mother. So get help, maybe even get help to get your groceries, clean your house, cook your meals. Give you and hour to shower. Something so that when the nanny isn't there you can devote your attention to being a mother and not trying to do a zillion other things.

[Anonymous]

There's having two kids two years apart, then there's having them at young ages in a pandemic, then there's having them in a pandemic when one has special needs. You are going through a lot!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is probably not what you want to hear but we are not totally there yet and my kids are 9 and almost 7. Of course they’re mostly independent but they have SO MUCH ENERGY. They are best buddies and that is great but they need to be run like puppies.

Op here. So not what I wanted to hear but I appreciate the reply. Was hoping maybe magically the corner might turn at 2. I know that’s probably a fantasy.

PP here, not at all. We are now at the point (and I understand your second has special needs, which is another situation on your plate of course!) where they are mostly able to do their own thing - at the pool we don't have to hover, they can be in the yard alone, they can be on a floor of the house if we want to sleep in for an hour, etc. Mine are also especially needy, particularly my oldest. He's not good at entertaining himself or being alone, so he's ALWAYS sucking the air out of a room, if that makes sense. That said there are milestones - not needing naps, not needing diapers, getting their own food/snacks etc. You're not alone!!

[Anonymous]

Ds1 is 4, and Dd2 is 18 months old. Ds1 is the one with autism that comes with language & motor delay. However, he was actually the easy ones taking care of growing up except with a lot of energy. Dd2 is the trouble one, and she wants to touch everything & do anything by herself. DS bedroom is the safest room out of our house, so when I want a short nap Like less than 30 mins, I keep both kids in the room. They jump around on the floor bed with pillow & blankets, and there are some toys , books, piano keyboard for them to play.

Both kids all slept trained before they were 3 months old, almost slept through the night everyday since then. That saved me to drive crazy. Except now dD wants me to hold her every night till she falls asleep, and that breaks my arm. And, she loves to cry & whine when things do not get her way, but I can tell that she seems to have no special needs as of now. Every night, it is my “me time” when they go to bed.

Well, I am still exhausted daily especially I miss taking both of them outdoors on weekend. I am working parents as well, and I send both kids to daycare.