If you have two boys, 2 years apart, when did life feel manageable?

[Anonymous]

There is no shame to be struggling right now- I think we all are! Parenting during a pandemic is hard.

My kids are two years apart and my youngest, while not having special needs, sounds similar to yours in that he is strong and reckless and will do dangerous things without thinking. He needs to be constantly monitored.

Honestly it did get easier after the youngest turned two but the real corner was when the youngest turned 3. Life is much, much easier now- we can leave them playing in the playroom for a little while and clean the kitchen, or I can take a shower without worrying about them killing them selves. I also, since the pandemic, have been able to work with them on cleaning up after themselves- this is not easy and I need to be strict with them (often acting as a traffic cop- now pick up all books and put them away, now the legos, etc) but they have a better sense of responsibility and it’s not me just cleaning up after them for hours every night.

[Anonymous]

I used to run my boys like dogs. Back and forth races and obstacle courses in the backyard just to burn energy.

Still my husband and I would flip a coin to see who got to do the Target or grocery store run because we both wanted out of the house alone.

The only good thing is that we had a hard bedtime for the boys (8pm) and they both were good sleepers. That’s when I showered, cried, had a glass of wine.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

If you can afford it, get more help during the day and/or weekends. You need it and your kids need it. Don’t feel guilty about it. You can help your sons more if you are rested and your little one really needs one-on-one supervision and a therapeutic approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ds1 is 4, and Dd2 is 18 months old. Ds1 is the one with autism that comes with language & motor delay. However, he was actually the easy ones taking care of growing up except with a lot of energy. Dd2 is the trouble one, and she wants to touch everything & do anything by herself. DS bedroom is the safest room out of our house, so when I want a short nap Like less than 30 mins, I keep both kids in the room. They jump around on the floor bed with pillow & blankets, and there are some toys , books, piano keyboard for them to play.

Both kids all slept trained before they were 3 months old, almost slept through the night everyday since then. That saved me to drive crazy. Except now dD wants me to hold her every night till she falls asleep, and that breaks my arm. And, she loves to cry & whine when things do not get her way, but I can tell that she seems to have no special needs as of now. Every night, it is my “me time” when they go to bed.

Well, I am still exhausted daily especially I miss taking both of them outdoors on weekend. I am working parents as well, and I send both kids to daycare.

OMG yes floor beds are the best. Mine never slept in a crib-- We gave away our fancy crib because the first time my first used it on the lowest setting he got out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ds1 is 4, and Dd2 is 18 months old. Ds1 is the one with autism that comes with language & motor delay. However, he was actually the easy ones taking care of growing up except with a lot of energy. Dd2 is the trouble one, and she wants to touch everything & do anything by herself. DS bedroom is the safest room out of our house, so when I want a short nap Like less than 30 mins, I keep both kids in the room. They jump around on the floor bed with pillow & blankets, and there are some toys , books, piano keyboard for them to play.

Both kids all slept trained before they were 3 months old, almost slept through the night everyday since then. That saved me to drive crazy. Except now dD wants me to hold her every night till she falls asleep, and that breaks my arm. And, she loves to cry & whine when things do not get her way, but I can tell that she seems to have no special needs as of now. Every night, it is my “me time” when they go to bed.

Well, I am still exhausted daily especially I miss taking both of them outdoors on weekend. I am working parents as well, and I send both kids to daycare.

DS is so good at entertaining himself & playing with other kids, but he is not good at playing with DD. He knows how to regulate his emotions, and he knows how to care for others. I often forget that he is on spectrum because he behaves so well at daycare & at home. Dd is a big follower of DS, and she is a bit self-centered, and she wants to participate in everything. When she cries, she can cry for an hour nonstop. I don’t remember DS crying that much in his life because he was a happy baby & is a happy child. Dd is tall & strong, and I expect that she will definitely can be a good peer physically to play with DS even of their age differences. She chases after him every day, and I can see she can’t wait to grow faster. Just like today, dd learns how to sing a song in baby talk way because she hears him singing. She learns how to climb sofa because she sees him doing that multiple times. I can’t wait when they are a bit older. 🙂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to run my boys like dogs. Back and forth races and obstacle courses in the backyard just to burn energy.

Still my husband and I would flip a coin to see who got to do the Target or grocery store run because we both wanted out of the house alone.

The only good thing is that we had a hard bedtime for the boys (8pm) and they both were good sleepers. That’s when I showered, cried, had a glass of wine.

Good luck.

I take mine for very long walks at a pretty brisk pace. The playground alone isn't enough--we hit the playground as part of the walk.

[Anonymous]

RAINY DAYS LIKE TODAY ARE THE WORST

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:RAINY DAYS LIKE TODAY ARE THE WORST

Let them play in the rain. Dig in the mud.

[Anonymous]

Can you put them in daycare instead of nanny? Some of the issue is that they’re trashing your house all day. At daycare they’d have more room, playgrounds and lots of friends.

We sort of have a nanny. She watches 4 kids at her house. Like a nanny share/inhome daycare. It helps sooooo much that she’s no longer at our house all day (she was our nanny prior).

[Anonymous]

My son is 10 and a huge ball of energy still. Not sure that it ends...

[Anonymous]

OP, here is what I'd do in your case-

-first, hire cleaning help. Take that off your plate for now.

-I'd make a kid safe room, with secure gates. Put in it the toys, maybe a small table and chairs (kid ones)-KEEP them in there. Don't let them, especially DS2, roam the house. He needs to be in one contained area. The stuff in here needs to all be kid proof-no furniture or things they could jump off of.

-go outside as often as possible to wear them out.

-take care of you. You need to brush your hair and shower. Not doing that, makes you feel more in the hole.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 boys. 2, 4 , 5 and 4 is moderate to severe special needs.

You need to read Autistic Logistics. You need to get regular help at least once a week. You need to have the SN kid in therapy.

Most important you need to keep them outside as much as possible.

[Anonymous]

I have three kids — first two boys now newly 3 and 6 and the third a girl (16 months). If I just had the boys life would be way easier. So my answer is 3! Although I agree with others — we do a lot of activities and things outside to get our their energy but we also have built in down time where they are expected to play with each other or alone. Our 16 month old is driving us all crazy! Good luck OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 boys. 2, 4 , 5 and 4 is moderate to severe special needs.

You need to read Autistic Logistics. You need to get regular help at least once a week. You need to have the SN kid in therapy.

Most important you need to keep them outside as much as possible.

Op here. I’ll check it out. My son does not have autism (well, he’s too young for it to be conclusively ruled out yet) but his disorder can have some similarities. What he has is rare so sometimes it’s easy to just approximate it to autism.

He is in therapy but where we are it’s all telehealth and I don’t find it terribly effective, but we are doing it.

Unfortunately where we live it’s 115 degrees every day so outdoor play options are limited. I try to get them to the park on weekends but if we don’t get there before 7, it’s too hot to play. We have a pool but even swimming in 115 degree weather is not pleasant. We try to swim in the evenings when we can.

[Anonymous]

For us, the hardest time was from ES through MS. Both have special needs and that was when we had to do the most interventions and therapies and had the most stress from the school system. The 0-7 age range was much easier in comparison. Things started to be easier when the youngest was in HS.