If you have two boys, 2 years apart, when did life feel manageable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For us, the hardest time was from ES through MS. Both have special needs and that was when we had to do the most interventions and therapies and had the most stress from the school system. The 0-7 age range was much easier in comparison. Things started to be easier when the youngest was in HS.

I will add that one has autism (Level 1) and one has multiple severe LDs. The oldest graduated from college in December and has been working since mid-January. The youngest is about to start his senior year in college.

[Anonymous]

Are you a single parent? If not, your spouse needs to be just as involved as you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is 10 and a huge ball of energy still. Not sure that it ends...

It does. Single mom of a 15 yr old DS with ADHD. I never believed the constantness would end but it did. My son sleeps like 12+ hours a day and is very sloth like while he is awake. He used to be the Energizer Bunny.

[Anonymous]

Single mom again. I used to work as a weekend babysitter when I was in college. I work from 8-1 on Saturday and Sunday and I’d come back after the kid’s nap around 4ish so their parents could have a date night. Could you look for weekend help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 boys. 2, 4 , 5 and 4 is moderate to severe special needs.

You need to read Autistic Logistics. You need to get regular help at least once a week. You need to have the SN kid in therapy.

Most important you need to keep them outside as much as possible.

Op here. I’ll check it out. My son does not have autism (well, he’s too young for it to be conclusively ruled out yet) but his disorder can have some similarities. What he has is rare so sometimes it’s easy to just approximate it to autism.

He is in therapy but where we are it’s all telehealth and I don’t find it terribly effective, but we are doing it.

Unfortunately where we live it’s 115 degrees every day so outdoor play options are limited. I try to get them to the park on weekends but if we don’t get there before 7, it’s too hot to play. We have a pool but even swimming in 115 degree weather is not pleasant. We try to swim in the evenings when we can.

Yeah, my son doesn't have autism either, but he's going to get an autism diagnosis because its easier than explaining to most people, he fits enough criteria, and he needs basically the same therapies.

That's incredibly difficult. I can tell you mine is much easier if hes allowed to play in dirt and water all day - impossible in your situation. We have had weeks where i let him watch videos all day and night, my son sleeps 2-6 hours a night.

Do what u can afford and what it takes to make it easier on yourself. Put on some eyeliner and lipstick in the morning, I find it helps me remember I'm a person too.

[Anonymous]

Please don’t feel any shame about getting extra help. I got a nanny 8 h a week ( broken into two, four-hour shifts) when DS2 was born, and I’m a SAHM. We could only afford it for a summer, but it was a huge help to my mental health. Seriously, imagine 4 hours each Saturday to exercise with a friend, shower, do laundry, and thoroughly clean the kitchen while half-watching TV. You’re not being selfish. Promise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t feel any shame about getting extra help. I got a nanny 8 h a week ( broken into two, four-hour shifts) when DS2 was born, and I’m a SAHM. We could only afford it for a summer, but it was a huge help to my mental health. Seriously, imagine 4 hours each Saturday to exercise with a friend, shower, do laundry, and thoroughly clean the kitchen while half-watching TV. You’re not being selfish. Promise.

You could also use the time to give your older child a break from your younger child. Maybe take DS1 on your walk, or to the park. Siblings of special needs kids go through a lot, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t feel any shame about getting extra help. I got a nanny 8 h a week ( broken into two, four-hour shifts) when DS2 was born, and I’m a SAHM. We could only afford it for a summer, but it was a huge help to my mental health. Seriously, imagine 4 hours each Saturday to exercise with a friend, shower, do laundry, and thoroughly clean the kitchen while half-watching TV. You’re not being selfish. Promise.

You could also use the time to give your older child a break from your younger child. Maybe take DS1 on your walk, or to the park. Siblings of special needs kids go through a lot, too.

Not that you have to, but if you’re struggling with guilt, allotting 30 minutes of special time for your neurotypical kid may help you take the plunge. The point is to do whatever you need to do to allow yourself to take the time.

Also, I’m not the pp who suggested Autism Logistics, but I think their point was that you could make life easier on yourself by following routines developed for children with the disorder.

[Anonymous]

Or at least get your nanny to stay an extra hour every day. Your kids won’t even notice, and you will get an hour to take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I'm the one who suggested autistic logistics. It's obviously intended for kids with autism (actually for single moms w kids w autism - if you have a partner it's obviously even more helpful - but one of the best things about the book is you can do it all on your own).

My child doesn't technically have autism either (brain damage from something that occurred when he was a baby) but you'll find that many special needs overlap and I found this book incredibly helpful in giving me a sense of control over the household environment and giving my child a chance to do things to the best of his ability.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thank you for all the replies. This is very helpful.

[Anonymous]

Around a year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Around a year

Op here. I had heard that but that’s when things started ramping up for us. Things were so much easier when DS2 was a baby and couldn’t move and get into everything!!

[Anonymous]

Good luck, OP. What you're going through is incredibly difficult. You are one tough mama. Give yourself as many breaks as you can.

My house is trashed right now and here I am on dcum NOT cleaning and proud of it... You must figure out what self care means for you and DO it. And prioritize it.

[Anonymous]

When the youngest was 3. Mine are 11 and 9 and very best friends.