Tutor issue - I am feeling a little "salty"

[Anonymous]

So, this is not about pods or pandemic tutors - just regular tutor (one on one) issue.

My 6y old has been going to a tutor for the past 6 weeks or so (3x/week). The tutor is an specialist for the type of problem my child has. Some days are better than others and I am ok if the tutor comes to me and says: "we had problem with X listening to directions today."

Then I talk to my child about needing to listen to the teacher, needing to focus, etc. But it is a work in progress give child's specific issues. As I said, it is a work in progress as we are trying new medication, dosages, etc.


That said, after our last session tutor came to me and said child didn't listen well and was insisting on drawing. Tutor would not move forward before child finished the assignment - ok, I agree with this and child need to do as told.

However, she then proceed to say: "child was talking a lot about youtube videos and evil - things that should not be in a 6y old mind. A 6y old should not be watching these type of videos...should be reading Mother Goose rhymes and watching appropriate videos."

At the time, I just explained that child is allowed to watch video of a group playing Minecraft and Roblox and there are "creepers" on Minecraft and they are what my child considers "evil."

Anyway, I have watched these videos with my child many times and there is NOTHING inappropriate on them - no foul language or gore. It is literally just a group playing minecraft or roblox (same group) and giving strategies. My child loves to watch these (and to play some of it as well).

Child also likes to watch superhero cartoons and there are bad guys on them.

But I am feeling a little salty because the more I think about it, I don't think it was tutor's place to tell me how to parent my child regarding what child is allowed to watch or what should be read to (as in, the only thing child should be exposed to).

Tutor had told me child need to be exposed to rhymes and I have been doing that - that tutor telling me this is ok since it is pertaining to child's advancement on phonics/reading. But to tell me what child SHOULD not be watching on tv/youtube or read to?

I mean, we read D"Aulaires book of Greek Mythology to this child (child showed interest in Greek Goods and mythology) and we also read Horrible History books - child specially likes the series.

All these things have a component of "evil" and cruelty.

I am just annoyed that the tutor felt it was her place to tell me HOW to parent my child regarding what child is allowed to watch and what type of material child is exposed to.

I mean, it is not like child is talking about Game of Thrones or Silence of the Lamb here!

[Anonymous]

^^^^ Just a rant!

[Anonymous]

And just to add, I also do punish my child by taking away privileges (like, ipad/youtube) when I get a "non-cooperative" report after session. So, I do support the tutor.

[Anonymous]

I think you need another tutor. It sounds like your 6 year old has a particular learning challenge and that part of that challenge relates to attention (plus, 6 year olds all have trouble focusing). A tutor experienced in learning disabilities and in that age group would know how to teach through play and teach in small chunks. For example, when my 8 year old was getting reading tutoring, they would play a game and before each turn had to identify the sound of a letter or blend or whatever they were working on.

If your tutor is complaining about your 6 year old's focus, she doesn't have the necessary skills to deal with it. And that's leaving aside her views on your child's video watching, which is none of your business.

My child is now 13, and we've gone through many tutors and therapists. I've gotten better and replacing the ones who don't work for us. It's a skill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And just to add, I also do punish my child by taking away privileges (like, ipad/youtube) when I get a "non-cooperative" report after session. So, I do support the tutor.

PP again. Tutoring is likely really hard for your child, as it's targeting a skill that isn't coming naturally. He's doing his best. Have you asked him why some days he cooperates more than others? That would be a better place to start than punishment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need another tutor. It sounds like your 6 year old has a particular learning challenge and that part of that challenge relates to attention (plus, 6 year olds all have trouble focusing). A tutor experienced in learning disabilities and in that age group would know how to teach through play and teach in small chunks. For example, when my 8 year old was getting reading tutoring, they would play a game and before each turn had to identify the sound of a letter or blend or whatever they were working on.

If your tutor is complaining about your 6 year old's focus, she doesn't have the necessary skills to deal with it. And that's leaving aside her views on your child's video watching, which is none of your business.

My child is now 13, and we've gone through many tutors and therapists. I've gotten better and replacing the ones who don't work for us. It's a skill.

This.

BTW, we had a tutor who made us agree to no spongebob because she read that it made ADHD worse. Who knows if she was right or not, but she was excellent and we used her from ES through early HS. And my kid was not scarred by the ban on Spongebob.

[Anonymous]

Your kid is 6 OP,
and your tutor is an ass.

[Anonymous]

I’d get a new tutor. Sounds like this one is too judgmental and doesn’t have a good skill set.

I generally like to keep things positive for tutoring - rewards. Privileges only get taken away for really bad behavior (not just inability to pay attention to incompetent tutor).

[Anonymous]

For clarification purposes OP - was the tutor saying your DV was bringing up “evil” a lot, or was that the tutor’s characterization of DCs running commentary?

I think both would suggest you need a tutor who’s a better fit, but the second would send me running screaming, while the first is just annoying and judgmental.

[Anonymous]

Great tutors are worth their weight in gold, because they’re so rare and hard to find.

You can explain why your child spoke this way. The tutor needs to be educated on this.

Also, please observe a few sessions discreetly. You will know whether this tutor is a good fit.

[Anonymous]

You need a new tutor.

[Anonymous]

I think the tutor is out of touch with child development if she thinks 6 year olds should be focused on nursery rhymes.

[Anonymous]

Op,

It would be a mistake to throw the baby out with the bath water.

This tutor seems effective, but said something that bothered you b/c you took it as a criticism of your parenting. The tutor offered advice. Take it or not.

FWIW, I deleted YouTube off our apps b/c it would play inappropriate videos. They pop up amidst seemingly innocuous videos about Thomas the train.

[Anonymous]

The tutor doesn’t sound like a good fit for your family or like she’s effective with your kid. I’d find another.

[Anonymous]

That’s really obnoxious. I’d find a new tutor. It is perfectly appropriate for six-year-old to be thinking about evil. They are fascinated by learning the rules of right and wrong. Many kids are attracted to “dark” subject matter. The tutor obviously is not particularly up on child development.

It’s only been six weeks so they can’t have a strong connection. Find a new tutor.