Tutor issue - I am feeling a little "salty"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
One of the teachers at a private school my kids attended works on the side as a tutor and college consultant. She has a masters in spec ed and has worked at this private school forever so she looks good on paper. She also believes disabilities are caused by the devil and sin. She is a terrible teacher and there is no way she is an effective tutor. The parents at the private school would leave the school if their kid was in her class.

Is this in the DC area? Please tell us which school it is. We are about to look for schools again for my dyslexic, dysgraphia 6th grader. I really don’t want to end up at another crazy place like her last school.

Northern Va. Not very impressive, affordable private school. My kids are graduating from college soon so this was several years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the tutor religious? They might think that something your child is watching is demonic. I wouldn’t be upset about it. Just nod, say thanks for letting me know! And move on. It’s probably not personal.
- source, child of religious parents who wouldn’t let me eat Lucky Charms because they are “evil”

There enough nutty people and bad tutors that I would pay attention to the red flag that has been presented. This tutor has left their lane and doesn't understand the disability your child has. I say this as a parent of a kid with disabilities who is in college.

My child has had years of private ot, speech therapy, reading support. Through the years, I've hired many tutors. One made my kid with disabilities pray before the tutoring session. He told me he could "cure" my kid of dysgraphia after they'd been with him for a month. He lied about his experience when I interviewed him - he didn't know what dysgraphia was. School staff gave him glowing reviews. In the short time he tutored my kid, he made him feel terrible. I had no idea until his sibling told me what was happening.

I had a tutor who approached me with a similar conversation about my kid with disabilities. He supposedly had lots of experience with this population and had great reviews from teachers I knew. Tutor was bothered that my kid would scribble or look elsewhere when he gave him instruction. Clearly tutor knows nothing about adhd. That tutor spent several sessions making kid write and erase again and again.

One of the teachers at a private school my kids attended works on the side as a tutor and college consultant. She has a masters in spec ed and has worked at this private school forever so she looks good on paper. She also believes disabilities are caused by the devil and sin. She is a terrible teacher and there is no way she is an effective tutor. The parents at the private school would leave the school if their kid was in her class.

If you were monitoring the therapies early on you would have known and stopped it. I don't get how parents aren't paying attention when these sessions happen.

You know, I am kind of new to this as my older child never needed a private tutoring session in her life. I though my presence would only hinder her connection and relationship with her tutor (we all know children usually behave better when away from parents). Plus, I am not even sure I am allowed to watch it - I have never asked to tell the truth. I assumed I was not, since I go to the tutor's home.

I wouldn't trust anyone who wouldn't allow it. I'm the pp and only one therapist kept us out of the room and it was one of the many ots we worked with. She allowed me in once. No one else ever kept me out of therapy sessions and it never caused an issue when I was there. You learn to blend in with the woodwork with so many therapy/tutoring sessions. The tutors were always either in my home or in a library. The library was great because I could stay or come back early and watch what was going on without any of them realizing it. The tutoring in my home happened when my kids were es aged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the tutor religious? They might think that something your child is watching is demonic. I wouldn’t be upset about it. Just nod, say thanks for letting me know! And move on. It’s probably not personal.
- source, child of religious parents who wouldn’t let me eat Lucky Charms because they are “evil”

I am not sure how deep religiously she is, but let's just say she is part of a Christian religious and has many children - all homeschooled. I have nothing against that to tell the truth (her private life, I don't care about), my issue was only pertaining a criticism on my parenting. Well, more than a criticism as it also plain out recommend what I should and should not be doing/allowing.

I’m the Lucky Charms poster. There are some Christian denominations that cast a wide net of “evil” media (Harry Potter encourages witchcraft, Pocahontas and yoga encourage New Ageism, Lucky Charms is sorcery, etc.). The only reason I said to ignore it, is that - if the tutor is otherwise good - she is not likely judging your parenting as much as offering a suggestion she thinks would help. My dad had very weird rules but is otherwise extremely smart and would probably be able to tutor a child in calculus while also thinking it’s “helping“ to tell them not to watch Pokémon because they use dark magic. My point is only, if the tutor is really good, I wouldn’t worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the tutor religious? They might think that something your child is watching is demonic. I wouldn’t be upset about it. Just nod, say thanks for letting me know! And move on. It’s probably not personal.
- source, child of religious parents who wouldn’t let me eat Lucky Charms because they are “evil”

I am not sure how deep religiously she is, but let's just say she is part of a Christian religious and has many children - all homeschooled. I have nothing against that to tell the truth (her private life, I don't care about), my issue was only pertaining a criticism on my parenting. Well, more than a criticism as it also plain out recommend what I should and should not be doing/allowing.

Op, if she’s helping your kid, suck it up. It wasn’t actually criticism. It was a sight. It sounds like your kid repeats inappropriate language and such that he hears off YouTube. Address it or don’t. Tutors are in high demand since there’s a pandemic and all. So help your kid and grow the f up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, this is not about pods or pandemic tutors - just regular tutor (one on one) issue.

My 6y old has been going to a tutor for the past 6 weeks or so (3x/week). The tutor is an specialist for the type of problem my child has. Some days are better than others and I am ok if the tutor comes to me and says: "we had problem with X listening to directions today."

Then I talk to my child about needing to listen to the teacher, needing to focus, etc. But it is a work in progress give child's specific issues. As I said, it is a work in progress as we are trying new medication, dosages, etc.


That said, after our last session tutor came to me and said child didn't listen well and was insisting on drawing. Tutor would not move forward before child finished the assignment - ok, I agree with this and child need to do as told.

However, she then proceed to say: "child was talking a lot about youtube videos and evil - things that should not be in a 6y old mind. A 6y old should not be watching these type of videos...should be reading Mother Goose rhymes and watching appropriate videos."

At the time, I just explained that child is allowed to watch video of a group playing Minecraft and Roblox and there are "creepers" on Minecraft and they are what my child considers "evil."

Anyway, I have watched these videos with my child many times and there is NOTHING inappropriate on them - no foul language or gore. It is literally just a group playing minecraft or roblox (same group) and giving strategies. My child loves to watch these (and to play some of it as well).

Child also likes to watch superhero cartoons and there are bad guys on them.

But I am feeling a little salty because the more I think about it, I don't think it was tutor's place to tell me how to parent my child regarding what child is allowed to watch or what should be read to (as in, the only thing child should be exposed to).

Tutor had told me child need to be exposed to rhymes and I have been doing that - that tutor telling me this is ok since it is pertaining to child's advancement on phonics/reading. But to tell me what child SHOULD not be watching on tv/youtube or read to?

I mean, we read D"Aulaires book of Greek Mythology to this child (child showed interest in Greek Goods and mythology) and we also read Horrible History books - child specially likes the series.

All these things have a component of "evil" and cruelty.

I am just annoyed that the tutor felt it was her place to tell me HOW to parent my child regarding what child is allowed to watch and what type of material child is exposed to.

I mean, it is not like child is talking about Game of Thrones or Silence of the Lamb here!

Is your child on the spectrum? At 6 a kid doesn’t need that much screen time but kids on the spectrum often have a hard time distinguishing what is appropriate. It sounds like he was scripting from what you let him watch. You sound like a lazy parent who relies too much on screens.

[Anonymous]

Wow pp you're nasty. Op I think it isn't a good fit. This "scripting from what you let him watch" is such bs. I've heard arguments like this used against parents since Beavis and Butthead came to be. Useless blather.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow pp you're nasty. Op I think it isn't a good fit. This "scripting from what you let him watch" is such bs. I've heard arguments like this used against parents since Beavis and Butthead came to be. Useless blather.

There are a few or one poster that diagnoses every kid with ASD or ADHD. Mom or Dad needs to participate in the session and keep track of any internet/gaming use. Tutor has some good points. Parents prefer to put it all on the tutor than be more available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the tutor religious? They might think that something your child is watching is demonic. I wouldn’t be upset about it. Just nod, say thanks for letting me know! And move on. It’s probably not personal.
- source, child of religious parents who wouldn’t let me eat Lucky Charms because they are “evil”

There enough nutty people and bad tutors that I would pay attention to the red flag that has been presented. This tutor has left their lane and doesn't understand the disability your child has. I say this as a parent of a kid with disabilities who is in college.

My child has had years of private ot, speech therapy, reading support. Through the years, I've hired many tutors. One made my kid with disabilities pray before the tutoring session. He told me he could "cure" my kid of dysgraphia after they'd been with him for a month. He lied about his experience when I interviewed him - he didn't know what dysgraphia was. School staff gave him glowing reviews. In the short time he tutored my kid, he made him feel terrible. I had no idea until his sibling told me what was happening.

I had a tutor who approached me with a similar conversation about my kid with disabilities. He supposedly had lots of experience with this population and had great reviews from teachers I knew. Tutor was bothered that my kid would scribble or look elsewhere when he gave him instruction. Clearly tutor knows nothing about adhd. That tutor spent several sessions making kid write and erase again and again.

One of the teachers at a private school my kids attended works on the side as a tutor and college consultant. She has a masters in spec ed and has worked at this private school forever so she looks good on paper. She also believes disabilities are caused by the devil and sin. She is a terrible teacher and there is no way she is an effective tutor. The parents at the private school would leave the school if their kid was in her class.

If you were monitoring the therapies early on you would have known and stopped it. I don't get how parents aren't paying attention when these sessions happen.

You know, I am kind of new to this as my older child never needed a private tutoring session in her life. I though my presence would only hinder her connection and relationship with her tutor (we all know children usually behave better when away from parents). Plus, I am not even sure I am allowed to watch it - I have never asked to tell the truth. I assumed I was not, since I go to the tutor's home.

I wouldn't trust anyone who wouldn't allow it. I'm the pp and only one therapist kept us out of the room and it was one of the many ots we worked with. She allowed me in once. No one else ever kept me out of therapy sessions and it never caused an issue when I was there. You learn to blend in with the woodwork with so many therapy/tutoring sessions. The tutors were always either in my home or in a library. The library was great because I could stay or come back early and watch what was going on without any of them realizing it. The tutoring in my home happened when my kids were es aged.

There is NO way I would allow my child to see a therapist or tutor (and we did years of therapy) who wouldn't allow me in. After I got to know the therapist I would opt out as my child acted differently when I was there but I was always allowed in at any time. Parents should always monitor.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone. This was more of a rant than anything else about a professional offering unsolicited advice about how to parent a child when it is not pertinent to the issue at hand (learning phonics/to read).
Schools are set to start soon and we wouldn't be able to keep going anyway - plus, I feel my child has been making amazing progress with AAR at home and other resources I use.

I am REALLY loving AAR (All About Reading) - just a ps in case someone stumbles upon this thread and has a child with similar issues.

Again, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the tutor religious? They might think that something your child is watching is demonic. I wouldn’t be upset about it. Just nod, say thanks for letting me know! And move on. It’s probably not personal.
- source, child of religious parents who wouldn’t let me eat Lucky Charms because they are “evil”

LOL That is a new one to me.

I wouldn’t want someone spending time alone with my child who believed that some of my family’s choices are actually evil. Who knows what else they would object to?

I had a lovely friend who wouldn’t let her grandson watch Sponge Bob because it was demonic. I thought she was kidding at first but she was deadly serious. She said it made him act as if he was possessed. When my son was younger I only let him watch PBS cartoons because I had such fond childhood memories of the PBS shows. I spent some time one morning watching a Nickelodeon cartoon, and couldn’t believe how chaotic the modern cartoons are, so much sound, flashing images. Everything was just so much extra and overstimulating.

My son too this day isn’t a fan of marvel or the newer superhero movies. He does gravitate towards the older cartoons, Tom and Jerry, Woody Woodpecker etc,. Definitely don’t get the demonic angle, but I get how modern cartoons, video games ect. Might just be too much for some kids and contribute to behavior problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. This was more of a rant than anything else about a professional offering unsolicited advice about how to parent a child when it is not pertinent to the issue at hand (learning phonics/to read).
Schools are set to start soon and we wouldn't be able to keep going anyway - plus, I feel my child has been making amazing progress with AAR at home and other resources I use.

I am REALLY loving AAR (All About Reading) - just a ps in case someone stumbles upon this thread and has a child with similar issues.

Again, thanks.

Thanks for mentioning AAR! Can you share what you like about it or recommended resources/ links?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow pp you're nasty. Op I think it isn't a good fit. This "scripting from what you let him watch" is such bs. I've heard arguments like this used against parents since Beavis and Butthead came to be. Useless blather.

There are a few or one poster that diagnoses every kid with ASD or ADHD. Mom or Dad needs to participate in the session and keep track of any internet/gaming use. Tutor has some good points. Parents prefer to put it all on the tutor than be more available.

No one diagnosed anything. It was a question.

A young child who needs a specialist for intensive tutoring multiple times a week for several weeks, is not NT, obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. This was more of a rant than anything else about a professional offering unsolicited advice about how to parent a child when it is not pertinent to the issue at hand (learning phonics/to read).
Schools are set to start soon and we wouldn't be able to keep going anyway - plus, I feel my child has been making amazing progress with AAR at home and other resources I use.

I am REALLY loving AAR (All About Reading) - just a ps in case someone stumbles upon this thread and has a child with similar issues.

Again, thanks.

Thanks for mentioning AAR! Can you share what you like about it or recommended resources/ links?

Well, I (op here) like it because it teaches phonics and blending (reading) in a very methodic and systematic way. And uses games and other strategies to keep a child engaged, including a progress chart. At the same time, it is very simple and there are not gimmicks.

It has been really working well for my child who has mild dyslexia. But I think I can benefit ANY child since, to me at least, phonics is the best way to teach how to read. At least, when compared to whole word study (what everyone seems to use in schools).

Also, It appeals to me because it tells me exactly what to do/say to teach my child - that is very important since I have no background in teaching.

I use it in conjunction with Reading Eggs (app) which I also find phenomenal. The app is great in itself, but in our case, working with both has been showing great results and advancement. For instance, the app was/is great in teaching the letter and blends sounds, but we were stuck for a while because my child was not getting the "how to blend" the sound.. at least until we started AAR and they actually taught me how to teach my child.

Here is the link to their website and you can google it to read the reviews, etc.

https://www.allaboutlearningpress.com/all-about-reading/

However, I have read that other programs work better if the child doesn't have only a mild case of dyslexia (Barton seems the preferred choice in those cases).

AAR also has a spelling program called AAS and they recommend to start it once child finishes level 1 of AAR fyi.