In-laws don't call on DS's birthday, and DH is annoyed

[Anonymous]

DS just turned 13! Big deal birthday! My parents FaceTimed him, both of my brothers also Zoomed with him, sent cards and gifts, etc. He felt acknowledged on his bday. He is the oldest grandkid on this side of the family which may make some difference. They asked about his day, etc., just normal family stuff.

DH's family made not a peep on his birthday. Grandparents sent a gift last week and did text. His siblings completely forgot/didn't acknowledge it at all, despite being on a family text chain where they share tons of random photos etc. I'm used to this because it happens every year and didn't expect this one to be much different, but for some reason this year DH is really annoyed (he said this to me privately, did not voice in front of DS), and DS commented, "Hey, how come XX and XX" never called? He noticed it too! That makes me feel sad for him.

I think DS doesn't much care but DH is sad. He has always felt his family is out of the loop and not interested and for some reason this is hitting him hard. WWYD? I have said to his parents before that it'd be great to hear from or see them more, but...never happens.

[Anonymous]

Entitled attitude.

A lot of people acknowledged your son's birthday, and the grandparents sent a gift. Some people forgot, which is totally fine. It doesn't mean they don't love him.

My BILs don't remember my kids' birthdays and I don't remember theirs, even though we're fond of each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Entitled attitude.

A lot of people acknowledged your son's birthday, and the grandparents sent a gift. Some people forgot, which is totally fine. It doesn't mean they don't love him.

My BILs don't remember my kids' birthdays and I don't remember theirs, even though we're fond of each other.

Well, I don't think it's "entitled" to remember a child on his birthday; I think it's just thoughtful and nice. More to the point, if someone is sad about it, is it worth bringing up to the family? I think what makes it worse is that DH always remembers theirs but feels he doesn't get the same back.

[Anonymous]

So, they did send a gift and text last week for his birthday? Your DH needs to stop being dramatic and acting like they clmpletely ignored/forgot your DS. Your kid won't care either way because like you said he felt loved on his birthday. That's all that matters. I think it's incredibly odd to expect people outside immediate family to acknowledge birthday's.

[Anonymous]

Why do you consider 13 a big deal? I would be surprised to receive a call from them, but everyone has different household norms.

[Anonymous]

It sucks OP when family doesn't care. I'm an only child, so my kids don't have aunts and uncles from my side. DH's brothers have never acknowledged any of our kids' birthdays or even graduations. We tried for a long time to remember their kids' milestones, but gave up. I'm sorry DH's family is disappointing, but am glad your kids have other family to love them.

[Anonymous]

In my family aunts/uncles/grandparents do not call or text on birthdays. Most do not send cards and we do not send their cards either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Entitled attitude.

A lot of people acknowledged your son's birthday, and the grandparents sent a gift. Some people forgot, which is totally fine. It doesn't mean they don't love him.

My BILs don't remember my kids' birthdays and I don't remember theirs, even though we're fond of each other.

Well, I don't think it's "entitled" to remember a child on his birthday; I think it's just thoughtful and nice. More to the point, if someone is sad about it, is it worth bringing up to the family? I think what makes it worse is that DH always remembers theirs but feels he doesn't get the same back.

It's entitled to feel resentful about it, to the point of complaining. Different people have different memories for birthdays. My mother remembers the birthday of all her friends and relatives, and her in-laws, and my friends, including childhood friends I've lost contact with! Do any of them call for her birthday? Perhaps 3 people. She doesn't get upset - she knows she has an amazing memory for birthdays and that not everyone is the same.

[Anonymous]

There's nothing TO do. If your son brings it up again tell him to focus on the people who DID reach out to celebrate with him. Focus on what you do have rather than what you don't.

[Anonymous]

Let DH be annoyed. Op, I'm sure you have other burdens, don't add this to your column too.

[Anonymous]

DH parents sent a gift
His siblings did not
That sounds about right

[Anonymous]

The world does not revolve around DS. His parents already acknowledged bday. I never expected (or hardly heard of) all aunts and uncles must acknowledge bdays. You are raising a snowflake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The world does not revolve around DS. His parents already acknowledged bday. I never expected (or hardly heard of) all aunts and uncles must acknowledge bdays. You are raising a snowflake.

That's so sad! I think it's the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my family aunts/uncles/grandparents do not call or text on birthdays. Most do not send cards and we do not send their cards either.

Same here! Thank god. Don’t know if I could deal with such needy pettiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my family aunts/uncles/grandparents do not call or text on birthdays. Most do not send cards and we do not send their cards either.

Same here! Thank god. Don’t know if I could deal with such needy pettiness.

Why don't you send them cards? I bet it would make their day, so thoughtful. Why not do it next year?