In-laws don't call on DS's birthday, and DH is annoyed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH's parents did acknowledge your son's birthday.


As for his siblings, if it's such a problem for him he should address it with them, but before he does i hope he has acknowledged each and every one of his nieces/nephews birthdays without being late.

OP here, he does - with video calls, cards, and gifts. So, it hurts.

Your DH does this every year for all nieces and nephews, and his siblings have never not once acknowledged your son's birthday? Something is not adding up.

So how about you tell us the entire story of your relationship with the in-laws...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who do not acknowledge a family member's birthday: What are you busy doing? Is it that you do not know the date, think of it and forget, think of it and decide it's not important...
I truly don't get this behavior.

I don't think birthdays are a big deal, I can't remember people's eye color or birthday, and I'm busy doing my own life. Combine all three, and there you go. I do try to remember birthdays of my little kid relatives - like 2-10ish, because that's when they care most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you trying to fix this for your DH? It's his family and he's the one who's upset. Let him manage those relationships. If he isn't willing to say anything to them, then there's nothing more to do.

Families handle birthdays and holidays differently. Just because your side does one thing doesn't mean DH's side should do the same. Sounds like DH's family doesn't make a big deal out of birthdays. Time to teach your kid it has nothing to do with him and is not a reflection of how they feel about him - different families do things differently.

+1 to all of this. And who knew 13 was such a milestone birthday.

My first thought is that this family is Jewish and they are getting ready for a bar mitzvah and the kid wants acknowledgment of attaining adulthood.

OP, your husband should know his family. They don't keep good track of dates and will acknowledge events when they think of it, which is usually after the fact. If he wants his family to be more attentive to an event on the date of the event itself, he needs to take it upon himself to forewarn them. Like maybe a few days or the week before, he should send a message on the family text and say something like "Hey everyone, hope you all are well. Just a reminder that next week on the 10th is Larlo's birthday. It would be nice if you guys could call him on that day to wish him a happy birthday."

The point is that if it matters to him, he needs to make an effort to let remind them, otherwise, be satisfied with how they choose to honor events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who do not acknowledge a family member's birthday: What are you busy doing? Is it that you do not know the date, think of it and forget, think of it and decide it's not important...
I truly don't get this behavior.

I only realize it's someone's birthday, because of family group chats (on both my side, and DH's side of the family). There are three nephews, whose birthdays I remember (one was born when his parents were staying with us, the other two are two days apart). The rest, I don't remember. I generally don't remember people's birthdays, including my own, so that's pretty par for the course, for me. Of the adults, I know my parents' birthday, my brother's, and my only remaining grandparent's. That's it. It's not a deliberate slight, and no one really cares.

I do send the kids GCs, once I realize that it's their birthday. Thank goodness for the internet.

[Anonymous]

We have this problem with one of my relatives -- weirdly - we have fixed it a bit since covid.

Now that we can't ever see each other, we have been doing zooms for all the kids' birthdays -usually organized by the parent of the kid who knows the schedule.

I found that my brother - who basically never remembers to call my kids on their birthdays despite us calling --- will come to a zoom when we remind him.

So, we have been sending out -- hey - it's my DS's birthday - he is free for a zoom tonight at 7 and everyone has been coming - so we have kind of been forcing it a bit and I'm hoping that will make it stick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is peak DCUM! Defending not celebrating a kid's bday.

No, the 'peak DCUM' is getting pissed because someone didn't 'celebrate' according to your standard.

Exactly. Grandparents sent a gift! If that ain’t celebrating I don’t know what it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is peak DCUM! Defending not celebrating a kid's bday.

No, the 'peak DCUM' is getting pissed because someone didn't 'celebrate' according to your standard.

Exactly. Grandparents sent a gift! If that ain’t celebrating I don’t know what it.

On the other hand, I personally think real live conversation is priceless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is peak DCUM! Defending not celebrating a kid's bday.

No, the 'peak DCUM' is getting pissed because someone didn't 'celebrate' according to your standard.

Exactly. Grandparents sent a gift! If that ain’t celebrating I don’t know what it.

On the other hand, I personally think real live conversation is priceless.

That's you. You is not everyone,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is peak DCUM! Defending not celebrating a kid's bday.

No, the 'peak DCUM' is getting pissed because someone didn't 'celebrate' according to your standard.

Exactly. Grandparents sent a gift! If that ain’t celebrating I don’t know what it.

On the other hand, I personally think real live conversation is priceless.

You may think that , but I don't remember a single phone conversation with my grandmother as a kid , not one and she called holidays and birthdays etc. I have other memories of her though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is peak DCUM! Defending not celebrating a kid's bday.

No, the 'peak DCUM' is getting pissed because someone didn't 'celebrate' according to your standard.

Exactly. Grandparents sent a gift! If that ain’t celebrating I don’t know what it.

On the other hand, I personally think real live conversation is priceless.

You may think that , but I don't remember a single phone conversation with my grandmother as a kid , not one and she called holidays and birthdays etc. I have other memories of her though.

I HATED talking on the phone to relatives at that age. It was always so awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Some people have a wonderful life and STILL find ways to be resentful.

You know, OP, some of us have REAL problems. I have a friend who had a relapse of his cancer. I myself had a relapse of my chronic autoimmune disorder. My husband is so underemployed he's basically out of a job right now - no income. I have a child with special needs who will need intense supervision during distance learning.

And you come on here and whine about not receiving birthday calls, when your kid already has gifts and cards?!?

I'm not sure why this thread pertains to you?

Because anyone is free to opine on a thread, PP. And because OP is in dire need of perspective.

Well, you clearly win the pain Olympics! Congrats!

[Anonymous]

Sheesh, people can ask for thoughts, it’s an open forum. No one gets the life of pain prize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have this problem with one of my relatives -- weirdly - we have fixed it a bit since covid.

Now that we can't ever see each other, we have been doing zooms for all the kids' birthdays -usually organized by the parent of the kid who knows the schedule.

I found that my brother - who basically never remembers to call my kids on their birthdays despite us calling --- will come to a zoom when we remind him.

So, we have been sending out -- hey - it's my DS's birthday - he is free for a zoom tonight at 7 and everyone has been coming - so we have kind of been forcing it a bit and I'm hoping that will make it stick.

It's not a 'problem'. It's a differing expectation.

[Anonymous]

They sent a gift and texted. This is not forgetting someone’s birthday. When your son asks why they do not call you remind him that they already wished him a happy birthday twice. It could be as simple as it is hard for your in-laws to have a phone conversation with your son. I know my parents have trouble talking to my son who is that age. They cannot here well and he is not a great phone talker.