Stop calling yourself blessed when what you are is privileged

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:when someone says they're blessed, to me, it's the same as saying they're lucky, which they might be.

It's not a personal affront, OP. Whether it's luck, privilege, hard work, or a blessing, it doesn't really matter, because the outcome is the same. Just be happy for them and for their acknowledgement that they have something in life to be grateful for.

DP here. I get what OP is saying. It's the tone deafness. What is implied when you say you are blessed because of your good fortune - that some divine being has smiled upon you, and even if you deny it, there is the logical implication that others who haven't had much good fortune in life are not blessed.

That's all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Redlining. Food deserts. Segregation.

Educate yourself.

Haven’t existed in most of our life times; WIC, SNAP, school lunches, food pantries; people choosing to live in affordable housing in an expensive area or as part of an immigrant community with shared language or with long-standing community (see gentrification arguments).

None of these things are determinative of your life. Ask the millions of people now living who have moved up the SES ladder. If you want to improve social mobility, vote for and insist on functional government that provides law and order and schools with real expectations and discipline. Include vocational education. Eliminating objective measures of educational achievement and lowering overall behavioral expectations for kids, while also eliminating the negatives of poverty will leave the people you say you care about in a terrible way that has nothing to do with racism.

Even the poorest US citizens are “blessed.”

Can you explain why? I'm not necessarily disagreeing, but the nationalism in your response is intriguing. You seem to identify a number of things people should be advocating for HERE, so they don't exist uniformly? And what does this country have that is unique to us?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They have to call it unearned “privilege” to justify taking it away, which is the obvious endgame of all this. Even if you earned it, the path was supposedly easier for you by definition, there is no individual nuance that means anything. It’s a toxic framing: even if you have been more fortunate, that doesn’t mean you’ve taken anything that rightfully belongs to someone else.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you have no understanding of what being Blessed means.

Can you explain it to me? As a parent whose child died after a long and painful illness, when someone tells me they are “blessed” with healthy children, I feel like they think God decides to give their kids the privilege of good health and decided differently for my kid.

As the wife of an Afghanistan veteran who is currently worrying about interpreter friends he left behind who are in fear of their lives, when people say they are blessed to be Americans do they mean God chose those different paths?

I am asking this as a Christian who hates the phrase.

DP. I am sorry for your loss. I have had two children die (as well as my husband) and it is hell. However, I was still blessed by their presences in my life even though their lives ended tragically.

You're lashing out and I think you would be better off taking a step back from social media and even news media for a while until you regain your footing. If you have done grief therapy or any type of therapy before but stopped then you should consider going back in to it.

Hugs.

DP. Leave the PP alone. She is not "lashing out" - she is asking very good questions. Sorry if they make you uncomfortable. And I'm sorry for your losses.

[Anonymous]

Stop policing people’s language. But also you clearly should get off of social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They have to call it unearned “privilege” to justify taking it away, which is the obvious endgame of all this. Even if you earned it, the path was supposedly easier for you by definition, there is no individual nuance that means anything. It’s a toxic framing: even if you have been more fortunate, that doesn’t mean you’ve taken anything that rightfully belongs to someone else.

Yes, I think you’ve hit on something. If I look at my life and call myself blessed, there’s a sense of gratitude that comes with it. If I look at my life and call myself “privileged”, there’s an implication that I don’t deserve what I have. You can’t be grateful for privilege, the two feelings don’t go together. The only remedy for privilege is to rid yourself of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:when someone says they're blessed, to me, it's the same as saying they're lucky, which they might be.

It's not a personal affront, OP. Whether it's luck, privilege, hard work, or a blessing, it doesn't really matter, because the outcome is the same. Just be happy for them and for their acknowledgement that they have something in life to be grateful for.

DP here. I get what OP is saying. It's the tone deafness. What is implied when you say you are blessed because of your good fortune - that some divine being has smiled upon you, and even if you deny it, there is the logical implication that others who haven't had much good fortune in life are not blessed.

That's all.

I think that’s unfair. IMO, it’s less about what specifically happens to you, and more about a way of describing your philosophical orientation to it. A devout religious person might call a certain event a “blessing” while an atheist who puts great weight on the randomness of life might call the same exact thing “lucky.” I don’t thing it’s accurate to interpret the use of the term “blessed” as implying that God is somehow playing favorites; it’s not comparative but rather an expression of gratitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys, the word has multiple definitions...and definitions change with usage. More often than not, what these people are saying is that they are fortunate and grateful. Is that somehow wrong?

https://www.dictionary.com/browse/blessed

Thank you.

Fortunate, yes. But how does it mean one is grateful? I think the term is triggering because one is bragging of their good fortune or luck. One can feel lucky without feeling grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They have to call it unearned “privilege” to justify taking it away, which is the obvious endgame of all this. Even if you earned it, the path was supposedly easier for you by definition, there is no individual nuance that means anything. It’s a toxic framing: even if you have been more fortunate, that doesn’t mean you’ve taken anything that rightfully belongs to someone else.

Yes, I think you’ve hit on something. If I look at my life and call myself blessed, there’s a sense of gratitude that comes with it. If I look at my life and call myself “privileged”, there’s an implication that I don’t deserve what I have. You can’t be grateful for privilege, the two feelings don’t go together. The only remedy for privilege is to rid yourself of it.

I'm totally grateful for my privileges. Don't know what you are talking about. Maybe I don't deserve them, but I can still be grateful for them. In fact, i'm probably more grateful for things I didn't deserve. What good luck!

Why not just use the word grateful to talk about all one's good fortune?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:when someone says they're blessed, to me, it's the same as saying they're lucky, which they might be.

It's not a personal affront, OP. Whether it's luck, privilege, hard work, or a blessing, it doesn't really matter, because the outcome is the same. Just be happy for them and for their acknowledgement that they have something in life to be grateful for.

DP here. I get what OP is saying. It's the tone deafness. What is implied when you say you are blessed because of your good fortune - that some divine being has smiled upon you, and even if you deny it, there is the logical implication that others who haven't had much good fortune in life are not blessed.

That's all.

I think that’s unfair. IMO, it’s less about what specifically happens to you, and more about a way of describing your philosophical orientation to it. A devout religious person might call a certain event a “blessing” while an atheist who puts great weight on the randomness of life might call the same exact thing “lucky.” I don’t thing it’s accurate to interpret the use of the term “blessed” as implying that God is somehow playing favorites; it’s not comparative but rather an expression of gratitude.

Well, others might not interpret it that way. Can't control others' responses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They have to call it unearned “privilege” to justify taking it away, which is the obvious endgame of all this. Even if you earned it, the path was supposedly easier for you by definition, there is no individual nuance that means anything. It’s a toxic framing: even if you have been more fortunate, that doesn’t mean you’ve taken anything that rightfully belongs to someone else.

Yes, I think you’ve hit on something. If I look at my life and call myself blessed, there’s a sense of gratitude that comes with it. If I look at my life and call myself “privileged”, there’s an implication that I don’t deserve what I have. You can’t be grateful for privilege, the two feelings don’t go together. The only remedy for privilege is to rid yourself of it.

I'm totally grateful for my privileges. Don't know what you are talking about. Maybe I don't deserve them, but I can still be grateful for them. In fact, i'm probably more grateful for things I didn't deserve. What good luck!

Why not just use the word grateful to talk about all one's good fortune?

That’s what many people mean when they use the word blessed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you have no understanding of what being Blessed means.

Can you explain it to me? As a parent whose child died after a long and painful illness, when someone tells me they are “blessed” with healthy children, I feel like they think God decides to give their kids the privilege of good health and decided differently for my kid.

As the wife of an Afghanistan veteran who is currently worrying about interpreter friends he left behind who are in fear of their lives, when people say they are blessed to be Americans do they mean God chose those different paths?

I am asking this as a Christian who hates the phrase.

DP. I am sorry for your loss. I have had two children die (as well as my husband) and it is hell. However, I was still blessed by their presences in my life even though their lives ended tragically.

You're lashing out and I think you would be better off taking a step back from social media and even news media for a while until you regain your footing. If you have done grief therapy or any type of therapy before but stopped then you should consider going back in to it.

Hugs.

DP. Leave the PP alone. She is not "lashing out" - she is asking very good questions. Sorry if they make you uncomfortable. And I'm sorry for your losses.

We'll have to agree to disagree. I see a lot of anger in her post and that, to me, says "lashing out." I don't lead groups any more but if I did she would be on my list to make sure we got her in asap.

[Anonymous]

As a religious person, I’m confident that I am correct to call myself “blessed” in the biblical sense because I have 3 healthy children, a stable and secure place to raise them, my own health, my husband’s health (both of which is required to travel), food on the table, wine to drink, etc. My husband works to provide and does not have a substance abuse problem, which is also a biblical blessing. I also work and use my income to invest, which is also a biblical blessing to him.

[Anonymous]

Semantics

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a religious person, I’m confident that I am correct to call myself “blessed” in the biblical sense because I have 3 healthy children, a stable and secure place to raise them, my own health, my husband’s health (both of which is required to travel), food on the table, wine to drink, etc. My husband works to provide and does not have a substance abuse problem, which is also a biblical blessing. I also work and use my income to invest, which is also a biblical blessing to him.

Do you know what “because” means?