I'm drowning in housework, and I can't seem to hire someone to help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mind is blown by weekly cleaners spending 8-10 work hours at your house and it’s not enough. How are you this messy/dirty? Have your kids make their own beds..

It is incredibly hard to maintain a house when you are working and also have 3 small kids. The kids need your attention too. I am sure that the weekly cleaners are ensuring that OP's house is not dirty or gross. But, daily living - cooking, cleaning, laundry, paper work also requires a lot of work.

I am a SAHM of grown kids. Before pandemic I had cleaners twice a week. 2 kids in HS and 1 in college. This year, all three are doing college, school, jobs, internships from home and my DH is working from home too. Without maid service, I am now cooking 3 hot meals for 5 grownups, doing laundry every day, changing sheets in 4 bedrooms, cleaning 4 bathrooms, washing pots and pans by hand along with having the dishwasher run endlessley. In all of this, the only good thing is that my kids don't need my attention but they still need everything else done because they are busy.

Yes, the choice is to have lower standards and let everything go (and some days that happens too), but obviously OP does not want that to be the norm in her house much like I don't want that to be the norm in my house. Besides, it is not that letting things slide ever helps things. It just creates a larger mess and things spin more out of control.

Please tell me you aren’t changing the sheets of college aged kids. And you’re wrong about not having maid service—you have become the maid for people perfectly capable of changing sheets, doing laundry, and cooking. Think of the example you are setting for your kids of what the role of a married woman is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could you do paper plates, plastic cups and utensils, plus a laundry service?

This is so wasteful and terrible for the environment. Why are Americans so trashy?

I'm not. But if I waa an uber lazy SAHM of 3 kids who didn't want to clean, do dishes, do laundry, straighten up, or make beds I might. Oh, the fun things I would do recreating all day every day all my life. . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mind is blown by weekly cleaners spending 8-10 work hours at your house and it’s not enough. How are you this messy/dirty? Have your kids make their own beds..

It is incredibly hard to maintain a house when you are working and also have 3 small kids. The kids need your attention too. I am sure that the weekly cleaners are ensuring that OP's house is not dirty or gross. But, daily living - cooking, cleaning, laundry, paper work also requires a lot of work.

I am a SAHM of grown kids. Before pandemic I had cleaners twice a week. 2 kids in HS and 1 in college. This year, all three are doing college, school, jobs, internships from home and my DH is working from home too. Without maid service, I am now cooking 3 hot meals for 5 grownups, doing laundry every day, changing sheets in 4 bedrooms, cleaning 4 bathrooms, washing pots and pans by hand along with having the dishwasher run endlessley. In all of this, the only good thing is that my kids don't need my attention but they still need everything else done because they are busy.

Yes, the choice is to have lower standards and let everything go (and some days that happens too), but obviously OP does not want that to be the norm in her house much like I don't want that to be the norm in my house. Besides, it is not that letting things slide ever helps things. It just creates a larger mess and things spin more out of control.

You have high school and college aged kids. They can change their own sheets! Also nobody needs 3 hot meals a day. It’s a luxury not a necessity. Everybody is old enough to make oatmeal or just have a bowl of cereal for breakfast or sandwich for lunch. Maybe your kids are just too entitled and demanding and you’re just a pushover. I also have 2 high school aged kids and a husband who worked from home and I made sure that everybody helped out. It’s not that hard. And I never once lowered my standards. My house was never a mess. But it does involve cooperation from the whole family.

Ugh, no. Sorry, my standards are high as far as food is concerned. 3 hot meals a day is not a luxury in our houseful of food lovers. For us, great food signifies home comfort, caring and something delicious and healthy to look forward to at meal times. For me, this is a pretty basic thing to provide for my family. This was something that was happening pre-pandemic also and so we cannot become a household that is eating substandard and uninspiring food. Slapping together a slice of cheese and some meat between two slices of bread for lunch would have made all of us depressed during this pandemic. A real mental health crisis! So for us, crappy and utilitarian food cannot become the norm. Of course, I am not telling you how to run your household.

You misunderstand. My house is never a mess. My kids are excelling in their school/career also so I am ok if their time goes in that rather than doing chores to my standards.

My issue right now is only that I have not been able to get the maids back to clean my house. Pre-pandemic, I have always outsourced some of the domestic chores and paid people well to do so. I have a very good understanding of how much work it takes to have things running smoothly at home (to my standards). And in the end, someone has to do all that work. It can be one person, the whole family or a staff of domestic helpers. But someone has to do the work. It does not happen automagically.

OP's problem is also that of how to outsource the work. We have no idea of what her schedule, her kids schedule, her husband's schedule looks like. She is not thinking of neglecting her household, nor she wants someone to do her work for free. So I don't understand why some posters are getting mad. Obviously, she is earning enough to outsource some of the work and thinks that it will be worthwhile. Why is that making people mad? Why are people taking it personally?

So you've never had a fantastic sandwich. Such poverty of experience!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think I need to explain myself, but in particular I'm "drowning" in laundry - we are a family of five, including 3 young children, and since my last was born I've had horrible back problems that prevent me from being very active. I don't want to spend my little "active" time doing housework. Also three young kids are messy!

Anyway, we actually were going up to more like 20-25 hours a week to make it a "full" half time job. I can't imagine needing or wanting a full 40 hours a week.

Maybe I should break it into several smaller jobs that are more like 8 hours a week?

If laundry is your biggest issue, I’ll share my wisdom as a mother of 4 with a very demanding job. If your laundry room isn’t upstairs by the bedrooms, move it there. Location is key for convenience and regular use. Next: plastic laundry baskets in every bedroom. Train everyone to dump laundry in the laundry room. Only do white washes occasionally. No need to fold; toss in a basket and have kids put things away. Pro tip: under armour and similar athletic fabrics don’t need ironing. You can shove them in a drawer and they always come out wrinkle free.

If the kitchen is an issue: run the dishwasher each night and unload in the morning. Make a rule that plates and utensils aren’t used unless necessary. (A handful of grapes doesn’t require a plate/bowl—just use a napkin or your hand.) Train everyone to put things directly in the dishwasher. If all else fails, use paper plates, etc. (especially if you’re exhausted and don’t want to clean the kitchen one night).

I’d love to have an Alice, but there’s no way I’d allocate big bucks to hired help. We don’t even have a cleaning service. (We prioritize travel over housekeeping.)

Also, no need to wash bath towels after every use. As long as they are hung each time, I think once/week is fine (and there are times when I have gone every other week). And clothes don’t always need to be washed after one wear. I bought my kids lots of underwear and t-shirts so they could easily go two weeks without having to do laundry. I know laundry can pile up but there are ways to minimize it. And my dh and I were always responsible for our own laundry. I did the kids until they were 10-11 and then they did their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know what, all you people who do all your own housekeeping while working full time and teaching your 5 year old to wash bedsheets: that’s awesome. Glad that works for you.

However,
OP IS NOT ASKING HOW TO DO THAT!

She wants to pay someone a living wage to do honest work. There is nothing wrong with that. $25/hour for 25 hours a week is what 37K per year. Paid legally, paying into SS. That’s good work for someone.

If you don’t outsource that’s fine, but outsourcing is employing other people and that’s good too.

Exactly this. I'd probably never do what OP is doing, and not because I'm a dynamo, but because I don't have the money and our needs are fewer (small house, one kid, less demanding jobs). But she's asking how to hire help! Not how NOT to hire help!

[Anonymous]

OP, I thought I saw you said you might post on housekeeper.com or something...

Please just post to neighborhood listservs! The people are vetted by neighbors, which isn't 100%, but people are more vested in their recommendations. They will also start thinking, "Hm, do I know a person...?" Very specific, targeted, people like to help. And some neighbor may want the job themselves! Just please do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mind is blown by weekly cleaners spending 8-10 work hours at your house and it’s not enough. How are you this messy/dirty? Have your kids make their own beds..

It is incredibly hard to maintain a house when you are working and also have 3 small kids. The kids need your attention too. I am sure that the weekly cleaners are ensuring that OP's house is not dirty or gross. But, daily living - cooking, cleaning, laundry, paper work also requires a lot of work.

I am a SAHM of grown kids. Before pandemic I had cleaners twice a week. 2 kids in HS and 1 in college. This year, all three are doing college, school, jobs, internships from home and my DH is working from home too. Without maid service, I am now cooking 3 hot meals for 5 grownups, doing laundry every day, changing sheets in 4 bedrooms, cleaning 4 bathrooms, washing pots and pans by hand along with having the dishwasher run endlessley. In all of this, the only good thing is that my kids don't need my attention but they still need everything else done because they are busy.

Yes, the choice is to have lower standards and let everything go (and some days that happens too), but obviously OP does not want that to be the norm in her house much like I don't want that to be the norm in my house. Besides, it is not that letting things slide ever helps things. It just creates a larger mess and things spin more out of control.

You have high school and college aged kids. They can change their own sheets! Also nobody needs 3 hot meals a day. It’s a luxury not a necessity. Everybody is old enough to make oatmeal or just have a bowl of cereal for breakfast or sandwich for lunch. Maybe your kids are just too entitled and demanding and you’re just a pushover. I also have 2 high school aged kids and a husband who worked from home and I made sure that everybody helped out. It’s not that hard. And I never once lowered my standards. My house was never a mess. But it does involve cooperation from the whole family.

Ugh, no. Sorry, my standards are high as far as food is concerned. 3 hot meals a day is not a luxury in our houseful of food lovers. For us, great food signifies home comfort, caring and something delicious and healthy to look forward to at meal times. For me, this is a pretty basic thing to provide for my family. This was something that was happening pre-pandemic also and so we cannot become a household that is eating substandard and uninspiring food. Slapping together a slice of cheese and some meat between two slices of bread for lunch would have made all of us depressed during this pandemic. A real mental health crisis! So for us, crappy and utilitarian food cannot become the norm. Of course, I am not telling you how to run your household.

You misunderstand. My house is never a mess. My kids are excelling in their school/career also so I am ok if their time goes in that rather than doing chores to my standards.

My issue right now is only that I have not been able to get the maids back to clean my house. Pre-pandemic, I have always outsourced some of the domestic chores and paid people well to do so. I have a very good understanding of how much work it takes to have things running smoothly at home (to my standards). And in the end, someone has to do all that work. It can be one person, the whole family or a staff of domestic helpers. But someone has to do the work. It does not happen automagically.

OP's problem is also that of how to outsource the work. We have no idea of what her schedule, her kids schedule, her husband's schedule looks like. She is not thinking of neglecting her household, nor she wants someone to do her work for free. So I don't understand why some posters are getting mad. Obviously, she is earning enough to outsource some of the work and thinks that it will be worthwhile. Why is that making people mad? Why are people taking it personally?

DP. I wish the best of luck to your kids’ future partners, because they’re going to need it.

My kids are on track to becoming high earners. Hopefully they can afford to effectively outsource stuff. If their high standards exclude lots of prospective partners it is really not a great loss.

Like you, Ms. I Don't Work Outside the Home or Lift a Finger Inside It? You know that immigration to the US is slowing, right? Soon you won't have "teams of maids" to exploit because we'll only be letting in highly skilled workers.

[Anonymous]

Who knows if OP is still here, and I'm not quite sure how this got to 7 pages, and I've only read a few pages, but I'm throwing out my input too -

I would also post on neighborhood listservs and ask locally. I think you are looking for a someone who has nannied for a family for a long time, and the kids re older and in camps/school during the day, but the family doesn't want to let them go - they want the nanny to work from 2-6 or so to pick up kids, take theme to activities, etc. So what that family needs is someone to split the job. What you need is a nanny who likes the housework part, and would be willing to do the housework during the day and nanny in the later afternoon.

It can be a real win win. But, it really depends on making a really good match and being flexible on all sides. The housekeeper family probably has to let the nanny-ing take precedence.

[Anonymous]

Can you all stop arguing?!?! PLENTY of us would like a housekeeper and are drowning. No shame in admitting it. Most of us just can’t afford it so we don’t bother asking. Op can afford it so it’s a win for her.

I know people who have this but it’s pricey. They pay like $35 an hour. Most are 20 hours a week. They do such a great job and I’m jealous. They organize drawers, swap summer clothes for winter clothes, help unpack after trips (my house was destroyed for a week after my last road trip!), laundry, cook prep. I think some could run errands but the ones I know don’t because they don’t drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who knows if OP is still here, and I'm not quite sure how this got to 7 pages, and I've only read a few pages, but I'm throwing out my input too -

I would also post on neighborhood listservs and ask locally. I think you are looking for a someone who has nannied for a family for a long time, and the kids re older and in camps/school during the day, but the family doesn't want to let them go - they want the nanny to work from 2-6 or so to pick up kids, take theme to activities, etc. So what that family needs is someone to split the job. What you need is a nanny who likes the housework part, and would be willing to do the housework during the day and nanny in the later afternoon.

It can be a real win win. But, it really depends on making a really good match and being flexible on all sides. The housekeeper family probably has to let the nanny-ing take precedence.

This is the answer. Our neighbor had a long-time nanny/housekeeper that didn’t really have enough to do once their kids got older, and they were happy when we hired her to do things. I didn’t use her for laundry, but it would have been an easy thing to have her come over a couple of mornings a week and do laundry & tidy up while the laundry is going.

The other alternative is to hire each job individually. I had a neighbor who had a bunch of kids, and they had a lady that came to do nothing but laundry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) neighborhood list serv—someone will have a cleaner or nanny who is looking for more work or knows someone who is

2) set hours that are logical for another job: 8-1 every day so someone can be an afterschool nanny 2-6; or 8 hrs M, W, F so the person can clean other houses Tues, Thurs.

3) guaranteed hours. She still gets paid if you cancel a day.

Great advice here. We have a morning nanny who also does light housekeeping and weekly laundry. Pay her 52 weeks a year, guaranteed 20 hours/$400 week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who knows if OP is still here, and I'm not quite sure how this got to 7 pages, and I've only read a few pages, but I'm throwing out my input too -

I would also post on neighborhood listservs and ask locally. I think you are looking for a someone who has nannied for a family for a long time, and the kids re older and in camps/school during the day, but the family doesn't want to let them go - they want the nanny to work from 2-6 or so to pick up kids, take theme to activities, etc. So what that family needs is someone to split the job. What you need is a nanny who likes the housework part, and would be willing to do the housework during the day and nanny in the later afternoon.

It can be a real win win. But, it really depends on making a really good match and being flexible on all sides. The housekeeper family probably has to let the nanny-ing take precedence.

This is the answer. Our neighbor had a long-time nanny/housekeeper that didn’t really have enough to do once their kids got older, and they were happy when we hired her to do things. I didn’t use her for laundry, but it would have been an easy thing to have her come over a couple of mornings a week and do laundry & tidy up while the laundry is going.

The other alternative is to hire each job individually. I had a neighbor who had a bunch of kids, and they had a lady that came to do nothing but laundry.

+1. Exactly this. We ended up moving from where we were when our kids were young but if we hadn’t we would have sought this type of share and our ex nanny would have been interested in having two stable sources of income.

[Anonymous]

OP and PPs are beyond entitled. Wow. God forbid you or your children should be expected to wipe your own a$$. Yikes. You are all also raising entitled nightmares. I hope you realize that??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) neighborhood list serv—someone will have a cleaner or nanny who is looking for more work or knows someone who is

2) set hours that are logical for another job: 8-1 every day so someone can be an afterschool nanny 2-6; or 8 hrs M, W, F so the person can clean other houses Tues, Thurs.

3) guaranteed hours. She still gets paid if you cancel a day.

Great advice here. We have a morning nanny who also does light housekeeping and weekly laundry. Pay her 52 weeks a year, guaranteed 20 hours/$400 week.

+1

OP, do this. Believe it or not, most people are too cheap to do this, and will try to get someone for cheap, practically on demand. I agree with the other PP who also mentioned find someone through a neighbor that you trust. Also, be aware of the other kind of neighbors who might try to use your person during your hours. It happens. (Poachers will chime in and be defensive, just ignore).

You've been given some good advice here.