Why do people with demanding jobs choose to have 3+ kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM so this thread isn’t addressed to me but what do you mean by “spending time with your kids”? My kids would rather play with their friends (or each other now that we’re locked down). We do fun stuff together, in the before times we did solo outings occasionally, but I’m their mom, not their playmate. If they want to help me cook dinner or go for a walk and talk about life or weed the garden together, cool.

This. I like you, PP. And I'm a WOHM (currently working at home). I enjoy it when people who make different choices can agree on things. I wish more of DCUM was like this.

Agree. What is with all the insistence of 1:1 time. Kids don't want that daily for prolonged periods

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because we like kids? What a weird question.

It’s not weird, especially if you complain constantly about how busy and hectic and exhausted you are. Most of my friends who have three constantly complain. I just want to be like, uh, what did you think having three kids was going to be like, a walk in the park?

I have 3 and we both work full time. Husband travels a lot for work (pre Covid) and I travel a bit too. Things were great before Covid. Older kids were in school and baby was with the nanny. Now I have to help my PK and 1st grader (though she is pretty independent now) with DL. So now I complain a bit. When my third was born, I had no idea I would have had to help my older kids 3-4 hours a day with DL.

Why do you feel the need to write something like this? Why would anyone decide to not give their child a playmate?

Its the truth. They had little time for their 2 kids but could outsource easily between the nanny and school but now she probably has to help a bit with 2 kids and an infant while the nanny tends to the infant. She needs to hire more help. I don't get families iike this as neither parent is home much so kids are an accessory rather than the priority. I don't get how you don't realize you could have your kids with you 24/7.

In what world is hovering parent a healthy childhood. Kids literally NEVER grew up this way. The amount of domestic labor women had was huge and kids were sent outside and left to other kids to raise. There is substantial evidence that working moms today spend way more time with their kids than SAHMs in the 50s-70s did. Dads also spend more time with their kids. So whether or not both parents work, kids are getting more parental attention than ever before. And then there’s the nutters that feel they need to be hovered over endlessly by a parent - if you want to be worried about a set of kids worry about those snowflakes

Many logical fallacies in this statement.
1. Kids in yesteryears had more of a village. Grandparents or aunt/uncle or lifelong family friend right down the street. It wasn’t Lord of the Flies. There were adults around. This is no longer the case, so parents need to compensate
2. It’s no longer considered safe to send your kids outside to play alone at really young ages. Most of the kids with over-stretched parents are constantly on their screens

It is no longer the case for you and your family. How ignorant and narrow-minded can you be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because we like kids? What a weird question.

If you liked them so much you would want to spend more time with them

DP with 2 kids. We spend a ton of time with our kids. We have friends with 1 who spend less, they put their kid in front of a tv for hours a day. Similarly I am sure there are parents with three kids who spend more time with their kids than we do. This is a weird argument.

If you lived being with your kids so much you would be a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

*loved

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because we like kids? What a weird question.

If you liked them so much you would want to spend more time with them

DP with 2 kids. We spend a ton of time with our kids. We have friends with 1 who spend less, they put their kid in front of a tv for hours a day. Similarly I am sure there are parents with three kids who spend more time with their kids than we do. This is a weird argument.

If you lived being with your kids so much you would be a SAHM.

Totally disagree with you. Maybe PP NEEDS to work so that her kids can eat/have activities, etc.
In my case, I work so my kids can go to private school instead of public. I value education a lot and we could not afford private for the 3 kids without my job. If I did not value education as much, I might’ve decided to stay home

[Anonymous]

There’s no right number. Stop judging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because we like kids? What a weird question.

If you liked them so much you would want to spend more time with them

DP with 2 kids. We spend a ton of time with our kids. We have friends with 1 who spend less, they put their kid in front of a tv for hours a day. Similarly I am sure there are parents with three kids who spend more time with their kids than we do. This is a weird argument.

If you lived being with your kids so much you would be a SAHM.

Totally disagree with you. Maybe PP NEEDS to work so that her kids can eat/have activities, etc.
In my case, I work so my kids can go to private school instead of public. I value education a lot and we could not afford private for the 3 kids without my job. If I did not value education as much, I might’ve decided to stay home

You are missing PP's point.

You should not have kid if you cannot afford that private school and stay home. OP gets to decide how much time people with demanding jobs get to spend with their 2/3 kids. So why should we stop there? Let's decide how much people with 2 kids and regular jobs should spend with their kids. And we have decided that you spend too little because you work. We are following OP's logic.

[Anonymous]

I have 6 kids.... I think kids don't need so much one in one. Ducks from the dcum rotten tomatoes. I make sure they each have carved out time. Was easier before Covid with regular shopping trips. One kid came Monday, one kid weds, another gets speech therapy so we have the way there and back. As long as there's space and time they can count on to talk about whatever is on their mind. My kids complain about lots of things (mainly my cooking and not having as much stuff) but not about lack of attention, and we're easygoing personalities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 6 kids.... I think kids don't need so much one in one. Ducks from the dcum rotten tomatoes. I make sure they each have carved out time. Was easier before Covid with regular shopping trips. One kid came Monday, one kid weds, another gets speech therapy so we have the way there and back. As long as there's space and time they can count on to talk about whatever is on their mind. My kids complain about lots of things (mainly my cooking and not having as much stuff) but not about lack of attention, and we're easygoing personalities

I think what people here seem to be forgetting is that kids don't really WANT to be with parents all the time. They love playing with other kids. Siblings are great for that. And those siblings growing up are going to make for a great tribe. We need as mighty of a village as we can muster well into adulthood. So good for you, PP. I have 3 and feel like it's too little. We wanted 4 but couldn't make it happen, so we're happy with the 3 that we have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 6 kids.... I think kids don't need so much one in one. Ducks from the dcum rotten tomatoes. I make sure they each have carved out time. Was easier before Covid with regular shopping trips. One kid came Monday, one kid weds, another gets speech therapy so we have the way there and back. As long as there's space and time they can count on to talk about whatever is on their mind. My kids complain about lots of things (mainly my cooking and not having as much stuff) but not about lack of attention, and we're easygoing personalities

I think what people here seem to be forgetting is that kids don't really WANT to be with parents all the time. They love playing with other kids. Siblings are great for that. And those siblings growing up are going to make for a great tribe. We need as mighty of a village as we can muster well into adulthood. So good for you, PP. I have 3 and feel like it's too little. We wanted 4 but couldn't make it happen, so we're happy with the 3 that we have.

I totally agree with this.

I have 3 kids and cannot handle more both financially and time wise. That said, I would never judge someone that chooses to have more kids. We all have our own beliefs on what is more important (siblings, education, 1:1 time with parents, etc.).

I have personally seen more single child family that turn to tv, sleeping pills, video games, etc. to entertain their kid than families with multiple kids. This is probably because when you have a sibling you can entertain yourself playing with them...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 6 kids.... I think kids don't need so much one in one. Ducks from the dcum rotten tomatoes. I make sure they each have carved out time. Was easier before Covid with regular shopping trips. One kid came Monday, one kid weds, another gets speech therapy so we have the way there and back. As long as there's space and time they can count on to talk about whatever is on their mind. My kids complain about lots of things (mainly my cooking and not having as much stuff) but not about lack of attention, and we're easygoing personalities

I think what people here seem to be forgetting is that kids don't really WANT to be with parents all the time. They love playing with other kids. Siblings are great for that. And those siblings growing up are going to make for a great tribe. We need as mighty of a village as we can muster well into adulthood. So good for you, PP. I have 3 and feel like it's too little. We wanted 4 but couldn't make it happen, so we're happy with the 3 that we have.

I totally agree with this.

I have 3 kids and cannot handle more both financially and time wise. That said, I would never judge someone that chooses to have more kids. We all have our own beliefs on what is more important (siblings, education, 1:1 time with parents, etc.).

I have personally seen more single child family that turn to tv, sleeping pills, video games, etc. to entertain their kid than families with multiple kids. This is probably because when you have a sibling you can entertain yourself playing with them...

Ok, sure, but you get the whole sibling relationship/playmate thing from having 2.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, status NEVER crosses my mind when I see someone with 3 kids. Never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because we like kids? What a weird question.

If you liked them so much you would want to spend more time with them

DP with 2 kids. We spend a ton of time with our kids. We have friends with 1 who spend less, they put their kid in front of a tv for hours a day. Similarly I am sure there are parents with three kids who spend more time with their kids than we do. This is a weird argument.

If you lived being with your kids so much you would be a SAHM.

Then you would be sick of them and bemoaned alone time and how “hard it is”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, status NEVER crosses my mind when I see someone with 3 kids. Never.

lol...I was thinking that same thing. I really don't see how having multiple kids can be a status symbol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 6 kids.... I think kids don't need so much one in one. Ducks from the dcum rotten tomatoes. I make sure they each have carved out time. Was easier before Covid with regular shopping trips. One kid came Monday, one kid weds, another gets speech therapy so we have the way there and back. As long as there's space and time they can count on to talk about whatever is on their mind. My kids complain about lots of things (mainly my cooking and not having as much stuff) but not about lack of attention, and we're easygoing personalities

I think what people here seem to be forgetting is that kids don't really WANT to be with parents all the time. They love playing with other kids. Siblings are great for that. And those siblings growing up are going to make for a great tribe. We need as mighty of a village as we can muster well into adulthood. So good for you, PP. I have 3 and feel like it's too little. We wanted 4 but couldn't make it happen, so we're happy with the 3 that we have.

I totally agree with this.

I have 3 kids and cannot handle more both financially and time wise. That said, I would never judge someone that chooses to have more kids. We all have our own beliefs on what is more important (siblings, education, 1:1 time with parents, etc.).

I have personally seen more single child family that turn to tv, sleeping pills, video games, etc. to entertain their kid than families with multiple kids. This is probably because when you have a sibling you can entertain yourself playing with them...

Ok, sure, but you get the whole sibling relationship/playmate thing from having 2.

Sure, but 2 friends is better than 1...