Boyfriend doesn't want to renew lease

[Anonymous]

I will get slammed for this but it is biology 101 to find a male who can take care of you if needed (not that you have to stay home). He doesn’t want to, it’s a red flag, he will later make you go back to work when your baby is tiny, etc.
I would NOT want the lease with him anyway.

[Anonymous]

i almost feel like this is a case study for "how many excuses can you make for a grown up." op needs to move back home so she can eat all the turkey and take as many long hot showers as possible, since those a bullet points.

as someone else mentioned, if this was a man, this thread would be a cross between an exorcism and night at the improv.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, we are both on the lease, I cannot afford this on my own.
Money was ok when we moved in, I had savings
Then covid hit and initially I got some more pay. I couldn't take the stress and went back to my old job that paid less, but had a promise of advancement. This hasn't materialized. I want to go back to school and study part time, which means not much change financially for the duration.
He is very irritated that I do not pay my way. I want to, but my pay just doesn't go far enough.
Now he is talking about not renewing the lease.

Haven't read the responses, but you sound like a typical progressive millennial. You talk about "not paying my own way" because "my pay just doesn't go far enough" as if money comes from thin air. What you're expecting is your boyfriend to work more and/or make responsible financial decisions so that you can live a nice comfortable life while working less and/or making worse decisions. He doesn't want to do that. And you're so entitled that you don't even seem to understand that's what you're actually asking of him.

The boyfriend sounds smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i almost feel like this is a case study for "how many excuses can you make for a grown up." op needs to move back home so she can eat all the turkey and take as many long hot showers as possible, since those a bullet points.

as someone else mentioned, if this was a man, this thread would be a cross between an exorcism and night at the improv.

[Anonymous]

What is your plan, OP?

I would start looking for a room to rent and actually move out.

This relationship is doomed so the rest will sort itself out.

[Anonymous]

Do you guys have a budget?

Do you know if he can afford the apartment and living expenses with his pay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, we are both on the lease, I cannot afford this on my own.
Money was ok when we moved in, I had savings
Then covid hit and initially I got some more pay. I couldn't take the stress and went back to my old job that paid less, but had a promise of advancement. This hasn't materialized. I want to go back to school and study part time, which means not much change financially for the duration.
He is very irritated that I do not pay my way. I want to, but my pay just doesn't go far enough.
Now he is talking about not renewing the lease.

Haven't read the responses, but you sound like a typical progressive millennial. You talk about "not paying my own way" because "my pay just doesn't go far enough" as if money comes from thin air. What you're expecting is your boyfriend to work more and/or make responsible financial decisions so that you can live a nice comfortable life while working less and/or making worse decisions. He doesn't want to do that. And you're so entitled that you don't even seem to understand that's what you're actually asking of him.

The boyfriend sounds smart.

Agreed. And I say this as someone who probably falls into the “typical progressive millennial” stereotype and is a SAHM. You intentionally put a heavier financial burden on your BF, seemingly without considering the toll this would take on him at all. That is selfish and entitled behavior. Couples can, and do, support each other financially and it is not necessary that all expenses are evenly split but these arrangements must be discussed and agreed upon beforehand. You can not independently decide that your BF is responsible for covering your rent. I genuinely don’t understand how this could be confusing to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will get slammed for this but it is biology 101 to find a male who can take care of you if needed (not that you have to stay home). He doesn’t want to, it’s a red flag, he will later make you go back to work when your baby is tiny, etc.
I would NOT want the lease with him anyway.

I also find that men like to provide for the women they love. I think they often run from women who are needy and desperate for their money. There are lots of guys who would love to support a SAHM but not many who want to feel pressured into paying some chicks rent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought this post was going to say he was breaking up with you by telling you that he didn’t want to renew the lease


Girl, no you have to pay your rent. Why would he put himself in a position to cover your portion of the rent if you are possibly unable to?

That’s very selfish and you need to see things from a different lense

He’s not saying he doesn’t want to be with you, he’s saying it would strain the relationship if you aren’t able to pay your rent and needs to do what is right for him financially

My pay does cover half the rent, but it doesn't leave a lot for utilities and groceries
He eats more than me, I get food at work as I am in food service.
So perhaps splitting groceries in half makes no sense

He also takes longer showers
Now he is coming to Thanksgiving at my parents and not contributing to the cost of the meal

He is a GUEST in your parents’ house! If you don’t want him to come, don’t invite him, but you never ask a guest to contribute to the cost of the meal.

As a guest, I never go to someone’s house empty handed. A bottle of wine, dessert even if store bought, but never just an appetite ready to chow down.

[Anonymous]

My biggest question for you is how stressful was the job that you left, which paid more money? Are you to school to avoid the real world? You left a job that paid more because of stress. Now you want to go back to school. What makes you think school won't be stressful? Why do you think you will use your degree at a job that isn't stressful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought this post was going to say he was breaking up with you by telling you that he didn’t want to renew the lease


Girl, no you have to pay your rent. Why would he put himself in a position to cover your portion of the rent if you are possibly unable to?

That’s very selfish and you need to see things from a different lense

He’s not saying he doesn’t want to be with you, he’s saying it would strain the relationship if you aren’t able to pay your rent and needs to do what is right for him financially

My pay does cover half the rent, but it doesn't leave a lot for utilities and groceries
He eats more than me, I get food at work as I am in food service.
So perhaps splitting groceries in half makes no sense

He also takes longer showers
Now he is coming to Thanksgiving at my parents and not contributing to the cost of the meal

He is a GUEST in your parents’ house! If you don’t want him to come, don’t invite him, but you never ask a guest to contribute to the cost of the meal.

As a guest, I never go to someone’s house empty handed. A bottle of wine, dessert even if store bought, but never just an appetite ready to chow down.

Irrelevant since OP wasn't upset that he shows up without wine or flowers, but rather wanted him to contribute to the meal cost. That is not something you ask of a guest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, we are both on the lease, I cannot afford this on my own.
Money was ok when we moved in, I had savings
Then covid hit and initially I got some more pay. I couldn't take the stress and went back to my old job that paid less, but had a promise of advancement. This hasn't materialized. I want to go back to school and study part time, which means not much change financially for the duration.
He is very irritated that I do not pay my way. I want to, but my pay just doesn't go far enough.
Now he is talking about not renewing the lease.

Haven't read the responses, but you sound like a typical progressive millennial. You talk about "not paying my own way" because "my pay just doesn't go far enough" as if money comes from thin air. What you're expecting is your boyfriend to work more and/or make responsible financial decisions so that you can live a nice comfortable life while working less and/or making worse decisions. He doesn't want to do that. And you're so entitled that you don't even seem to understand that's what you're actually asking of him.

The boyfriend sounds smart.

Agreed. And I say this as someone who probably falls into the “typical progressive millennial” stereotype and is a SAHM. You intentionally put a heavier financial burden on your BF, seemingly without considering the toll this would take on him at all. That is selfish and entitled behavior. Couples can, and do, support each other financially and it is not necessary that all expenses are evenly split but these arrangements must be discussed and agreed upon beforehand. You can not independently decide that your BF is responsible for covering your rent. I genuinely don’t understand how this could be confusing to you.

+3 and especially to the bold.