Boyfriend doesn't want to renew lease

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys aren’t on the same page with your goals.

Ideally, your partner is supportive of you reaching your goals and recognizes that it’ll help you out as a couple in the long run. Sacrificing a year or two now will set you up to be more financially stable in the future.

A good partner also wouldn’t want you to be stressed out at a job you hate just because it makes more money.

He’s a jerk, but it’s better to find out now than later on. You don’t want to be married to a bean counter - trust me, I’ve been there.

Can you afford another place on your own? Is there family you can stay with while you go back to school?

No. He's not a jerk. He's smart.

+1

OP find a roommate, live within your budget and see if this relationship can still survive. He isn't saying he wants to break up with you, just that he wants to live separately and not financially support you. And that's ok.

?

No man opts for an empty bed unless he’s detaching.

[Anonymous]

I thought this post was going to say he was breaking up with you by telling you that he didn’t want to renew the lease


Girl, no you have to pay your rent. Why would he put himself in a position to cover your portion of the rent if you are possibly unable to?

That’s very selfish and you need to see things from a different lense

He’s not saying he doesn’t want to be with you, he’s saying it would strain the relationship if you aren’t able to pay your rent and needs to do what is right for him financially

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, he’s a jerk.

And don’t let all the anti-women posters here get you down.

Give us some rough numbers: what’s the rent, what does he pay, what do you pay? How much are other expenses? How much did you get paid in your old job and now in your current one?

Your boyfriend and you should be agreeing about finances; moving to a cheaper place is one option. Him getting angry at your income is a problem — you should be figuring out your plan together.

As a woman, kindly shut up. It's not anti-woman to expect OP to be responsible for herself and act as a partner instead of her boyfriend's pampered pet.

I supported my now DH, but then only a boyfriend, through college and he later did for me for graduate school when I wanted to change fields. It's called growing a future together.

This.

Before we got married, DH and I moved in together. He supported me when I was in law school. I obviously wasn’t working, so I wasn’t bringing any money to the table. It wasn’t an issue at all. Why? Because we were in love and planned to get married.

I’m always shocked by the dcum relationships where couples keep their money separate and are aggressively tit for tat on every expense or chore. Imho, those relationships are doomed.

No, it was not because you were in love and planned to get married. It was because you two were in agreement on your goals. "Love" is not enough to sustain a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought this post was going to say he was breaking up with you by telling you that he didn’t want to renew the lease


Girl, no you have to pay your rent. Why would he put himself in a position to cover your portion of the rent if you are possibly unable to?

That’s very selfish and you need to see things from a different lense

He’s not saying he doesn’t want to be with you, he’s saying it would strain the relationship if you aren’t able to pay your rent and needs to do what is right for him financially

My pay does cover half the rent, but it doesn't leave a lot for utilities and groceries
He eats more than me, I get food at work as I am in food service.
So perhaps splitting groceries in half makes no sense

He also takes longer showers
Now he is coming to Thanksgiving at my parents and not contributing to the cost of the meal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys aren’t on the same page with your goals.

Ideally, your partner is supportive of you reaching your goals and recognizes that it’ll help you out as a couple in the long run. Sacrificing a year or two now will set you up to be more financially stable in the future.

A good partner also wouldn’t want you to be stressed out at a job you hate just because it makes more money.

He’s a jerk, but it’s better to find out now than later on. You don’t want to be married to a bean counter - trust me, I’ve been there.

Can you afford another place on your own? Is there family you can stay with while you go back to school?

No. He's not a jerk. He's smart.

+1

OP find a roommate, live within your budget and see if this relationship can still survive. He isn't saying he wants to break up with you, just that he wants to live separately and not financially support you. And that's ok.

?

No man opts for an empty bed unless he’s detaching.

Sleeping over and subsidizing someone's rent are two different things.

He didn't break up with her unless OP left that out of her post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought this post was going to say he was breaking up with you by telling you that he didn’t want to renew the lease


Girl, no you have to pay your rent. Why would he put himself in a position to cover your portion of the rent if you are possibly unable to?

That’s very selfish and you need to see things from a different lense

He’s not saying he doesn’t want to be with you, he’s saying it would strain the relationship if you aren’t able to pay your rent and needs to do what is right for him financially

My pay does cover half the rent, but it doesn't leave a lot for utilities and groceries
He eats more than me, I get food at work as I am in food service.
So perhaps splitting groceries in half makes no sense

He also takes longer showers
Now he is coming to Thanksgiving at my parents and not contributing to the cost of the meal

Completely not comparable and you know it.

Be fair, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, he’s a jerk.

And don’t let all the anti-women posters here get you down.

Give us some rough numbers: what’s the rent, what does he pay, what do you pay? How much are other expenses? How much did you get paid in your old job and now in your current one?

Your boyfriend and you should be agreeing about finances; moving to a cheaper place is one option. Him getting angry at your income is a problem — you should be figuring out your plan together.

As a woman, kindly shut up. It's not anti-woman to expect OP to be responsible for herself and act as a partner instead of her boyfriend's pampered pet.

I supported my now DH, but then only a boyfriend, through college and he later did for me for graduate school when I wanted to change fields. It's called growing a future together.

This.

Before we got married, DH and I moved in together. He supported me when I was in law school. I obviously wasn’t working, so I wasn’t bringing any money to the table. It wasn’t an issue at all. Why? Because we were in love and planned to get married.

I’m always shocked by the dcum relationships where couples keep their money separate and are aggressively tit for tat on every expense or chore. Imho, those relationships are doomed.

That's great for you but it sounds like OP and her boyfriend aren't at that stage yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought this post was going to say he was breaking up with you by telling you that he didn’t want to renew the lease


Girl, no you have to pay your rent. Why would he put himself in a position to cover your portion of the rent if you are possibly unable to?

That’s very selfish and you need to see things from a different lense

He’s not saying he doesn’t want to be with you, he’s saying it would strain the relationship if you aren’t able to pay your rent and needs to do what is right for him financially

My pay does cover half the rent, but it doesn't leave a lot for utilities and groceries
He eats more than me, I get food at work as I am in food service.
So perhaps splitting groceries in half makes no sense

He also takes longer showers
Now he is coming to Thanksgiving at my parents and not contributing to the cost of the meal

He is a GUEST in your parents’ house! If you don’t want him to come, don’t invite him, but you never ask a guest to contribute to the cost of the meal.

[Anonymous]

You sound too immature to be playing house. You cannot afford apartment. Simple. You need another living situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, he’s a jerk.

And don’t let all the anti-women posters here get you down.

Give us some rough numbers: what’s the rent, what does he pay, what do you pay? How much are other expenses? How much did you get paid in your old job and now in your current one?

Your boyfriend and you should be agreeing about finances; moving to a cheaper place is one option. Him getting angry at your income is a problem — you should be figuring out your plan together.

As a woman, kindly shut up. It's not anti-woman to expect OP to be responsible for herself and act as a partner instead of her boyfriend's pampered pet.

I supported my now DH, but then only a boyfriend, through college and he later did for me for graduate school when I wanted to change fields. It's called growing a future together.

This.

Before we got married, DH and I moved in together. He supported me when I was in law school. I obviously wasn’t working, so I wasn’t bringing any money to the table. It wasn’t an issue at all. Why? Because we were in love and planned to get married.

I’m always shocked by the dcum relationships where couples keep their money separate and are aggressively tit for tat on every expense or chore. Imho, those relationships are doomed.

Totally different. Your Dh was dating a goal oriented person who was in law school. You knew exactly what you were doing and he saw your future together with him as well.

OP is just wandering around without a clear career path. She leaves jobs because they’re stressful and might go back to school some day. It wouldn’t be enough for me to be with someone like that.

[Anonymous]

Op you need to go back to square one with your goals and your life. Design your life how you want it to look. What career do you want? I doubt you want to be a waitress forever. Save up, go back to school and work at night and on weekends. Move in with roommates instead of a guy. I don’t feel like you all were at the right stage to move in together. Get your shit together before you end up unmarried, pregnant, no career and no degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought this post was going to say he was breaking up with you by telling you that he didn’t want to renew the lease


Girl, no you have to pay your rent. Why would he put himself in a position to cover your portion of the rent if you are possibly unable to?

That’s very selfish and you need to see things from a different lense

He’s not saying he doesn’t want to be with you, he’s saying it would strain the relationship if you aren’t able to pay your rent and needs to do what is right for him financially

My pay does cover half the rent, but it doesn't leave a lot for utilities and groceries
He eats more than me, I get food at work as I am in food service.
So perhaps splitting groceries in half makes no sense

He also takes longer showers
Now he is coming to Thanksgiving at my parents and not contributing to the cost of the meal

So are you contributing to the meal or are you just a free rider? When was the last time you picked up the bill for your parents?

[Anonymous]

Look if OP as a man she would be called a manchild. OP you need to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys aren’t on the same page with your goals.

Ideally, your partner is supportive of you reaching your goals and recognizes that it’ll help you out as a couple in the long run. Sacrificing a year or two now will set you up to be more financially stable in the future.

A good partner also wouldn’t want you to be stressed out at a job you hate just because it makes more money.

He’s a jerk, but it’s better to find out now than later on. You don’t want to be married to a bean counter - trust me, I’ve been there.

Can you afford another place on your own? Is there family you can stay with while you go back to school?

No. He's not a jerk. He's smart.

+1

OP find a roommate, live within your budget and see if this relationship can still survive. He isn't saying he wants to break up with you, just that he wants to live separately and not financially support you. And that's ok.

?

No man opts for an empty bed unless he’s detaching.

Sleeping over and subsidizing someone's rent are two different things.

He didn't break up with her unless OP left that out of her post.

Men don’t opt for an empty bed if they are in love and committed.

Moving out and getting his own place will be more expensive than living together. It sounds like he’s detaching. And, if he’s smart, he doesn’t fully detach until he’s moved out. Hence, he still plays along through thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought this post was going to say he was breaking up with you by telling you that he didn’t want to renew the lease


Girl, no you have to pay your rent. Why would he put himself in a position to cover your portion of the rent if you are possibly unable to?

That’s very selfish and you need to see things from a different lense

He’s not saying he doesn’t want to be with you, he’s saying it would strain the relationship if you aren’t able to pay your rent and needs to do what is right for him financially

My pay does cover half the rent, but it doesn't leave a lot for utilities and groceries
He eats more than me, I get food at work as I am in food service.
So perhaps splitting groceries in half makes no sense

He also takes longer showers
Now he is coming to Thanksgiving at my parents and not contributing to the cost of the meal

If this is your logic/behavior then prepare to be single.