Boyfriend doesn't want to renew lease

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like op opted for the lower paying job because of promised advancement opportunities that have not materialized. This could be temporary. Very revealing about the character of the man

No . OP quit her better paying jobe because it was "too stressfull", she went back to her old job clearly without doing enough research, and getting it all in writing/ doesn't like that job either, and now she wants to go back to school, only she probably won't like that either. OP's boyfriend may be a bum, but there's no evidence of him being a jerk in this thread, there's plenty of evidence of being immature and irresponsible.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander, nd if the sho were on the other foot and OP was posting about her boyfriend who was about to quit his jobe for the second time in a year because he didn't like it and had some vague idea bout going to school while expecting OP to pay his way, we'd be telling her to move on, and rightly so.

I sure as heck wouldn't want my daughter depending on her boyfriend while she continued to flake around nor would I want my son spending money on a flake.

[Anonymous]

If you can no longer afford to live there, and your BF doesn’t want to pay a larger portion of the rent, then of course you shouldn’t renew the lease.

Every relationship is different. My DH earns more than me, and when we decided to move in together (with the understanding that we expected to eventually get engaged), we didn’t split the rent equally, because I couldn’t afford to. But that was okay with DH — he really wanted to live in that particular apartment, and there was no resentment about how much I was able to contribute. I always did my fair share in terms of housework, cooking, etc. and I was a supportive partner in other ways. But obviously if that was a source of stress for him and he had felt taken advantage of, we either would have found a les expensive place, or not moved in together at all.

Your BF isn’t comfortable carrying most of the financial weight, and that’s okay. It’s perfectly reasonable to find a place where you could afford to contribute equally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, he’s a jerk.

And don’t let all the anti-women posters here get you down.

Give us some rough numbers: what’s the rent, what does he pay, what do you pay? How much are other expenses? How much did you get paid in your old job and now in your current one?

Your boyfriend and you should be agreeing about finances; moving to a cheaper place is one option. Him getting angry at your income is a problem — you should be figuring out your plan together.

As a woman, kindly shut up. It's not anti-woman to expect OP to be responsible for herself and act as a partner instead of her boyfriend's pampered pet.

I supported my now DH, but then only a boyfriend, through college and he later did for me for graduate school when I wanted to change fields. It's called growing a future together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, he’s a jerk.

And don’t let all the anti-women posters here get you down.

Give us some rough numbers: what’s the rent, what does he pay, what do you pay? How much are other expenses? How much did you get paid in your old job and now in your current one?

Your boyfriend and you should be agreeing about finances; moving to a cheaper place is one option. Him getting angry at your income is a problem — you should be figuring out your plan together.

As a woman, kindly shut up. It's not anti-woman to expect OP to be responsible for herself and act as a partner instead of her boyfriend's pampered pet.

I supported my now DH, but then only a boyfriend, through college and he later did for me for graduate school when I wanted to change fields. It's called growing a future together.

Someone isn't bad/wrong/anti-woman/anti-man if they don't make the same choice as you.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. Can you afford an efficiency on your own?

[Anonymous]

What? You’re upset your boyfriend doesn’t want to keep subsidizing you? Unless you are engaged, why should he do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, he’s a jerk.

And don’t let all the anti-women posters here get you down.

Give us some rough numbers: what’s the rent, what does he pay, what do you pay? How much are other expenses? How much did you get paid in your old job and now in your current one?

Your boyfriend and you should be agreeing about finances; moving to a cheaper place is one option. Him getting angry at your income is a problem — you should be figuring out your plan together.

As a woman, kindly shut up. It's not anti-woman to expect OP to be responsible for herself and act as a partner instead of her boyfriend's pampered pet.

I supported my now DH, but then only a boyfriend, through college and he later did for me for graduate school when I wanted to change fields. It's called growing a future together.

And I didn’t. My boyfriend quit his job to go back to college but wouldn’t give up stuff we couldn’t afford. If he wasn’t going to be responsible by living within our reduced means , I wasn’t going to be responsible for him. Back then we had to pay for cell phone minutes and he constantly ran over his budget. I canceled his phone. He threw a toddler tantrum, and that was that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, he’s a jerk.

And don’t let all the anti-women posters here get you down.

Give us some rough numbers: what’s the rent, what does he pay, what do you pay? How much are other expenses? How much did you get paid in your old job and now in your current one?

Your boyfriend and you should be agreeing about finances; moving to a cheaper place is one option. Him getting angry at your income is a problem — you should be figuring out your plan together.

I make 4x as much money as my husband. I had a well-paying job and he was in grad school when we started dating. I did not want to get engaged to him until he was out of grad school and had a job. Does that make me anti-man?

[Anonymous]

By definition, if one partner is earning 2/3 more than the other, he should pay 2/3 of the expenses
Everyone has times when their income is not what they want, but we get through those times

I remember when my income was much less. Somehow the man was not willing to lower his standard of living to a level I could afford.
I was expected to eat out when I could not afford restaurant meals, wear expensive clothes I could not afford

And impress his friends

He even wanted me to wash his kitchen floor like one of his exes had done. Thank goodness I refused that

He is an ex now

Either you date and marry your equal, or are wealthy enough to be able to date a lower income person if you wish

[Anonymous]

By definition, if one partner is earning 2/3 more than the other, he should pay 2/3 of the expenses

By what definition?

[Anonymous]

It is clear he doesn’t want to marry you. He wants out.

I would want out if I were him too. He is ditching a roommate who isn’t paying her share.

I did not even live with DH until we were married. We closed on our house a few days before our wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By definition, if one partner is earning 2/3 more than the other, he should pay 2/3 of the expenses
Everyone has times when their income is not what they want, but we get through those times

I remember when my income was much less. Somehow the man was not willing to lower his standard of living to a level I could afford.
I was expected to eat out when I could not afford restaurant meals, wear expensive clothes I could not afford

And impress his friends

He even wanted me to wash his kitchen floor like one of his exes had done. Thank goodness I refused that

He is an ex now

Either you date and marry your equal, or are wealthy enough to be able to date a lower income person if you wish

Not if that isn't mutually agreed upon in advance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys aren’t on the same page with your goals.

Ideally, your partner is supportive of you reaching your goals and recognizes that it’ll help you out as a couple in the long run. Sacrificing a year or two now will set you up to be more financially stable in the future.

A good partner also wouldn’t want you to be stressed out at a job you hate just because it makes more money.

He’s a jerk, but it’s better to find out now than later on. You don’t want to be married to a bean counter - trust me, I’ve been there.

Can you afford another place on your own? Is there family you can stay with while you go back to school?

No. He's not a jerk. He's smart.

+1

OP find a roommate, live within your budget and see if this relationship can still survive. He isn't saying he wants to break up with you, just that he wants to live separately and not financially support you. And that's ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By definition, if one partner is earning 2/3 more than the other, he should pay 2/3 of the expenses
Everyone has times when their income is not what they want, but we get through those times

I remember when my income was much less. Somehow the man was not willing to lower his standard of living to a level I could afford.
I was expected to eat out when I could not afford restaurant meals, wear expensive clothes I could not afford

And impress his friends

He even wanted me to wash his kitchen floor like one of his exes had done. Thank goodness I refused that

He is an ex now

Either you date and marry your equal, or are wealthy enough to be able to date a lower income person if you wish

Not if that isn't mutually agreed upon in advance.

Then don't date a person who is not rich enough

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, he’s a jerk.

And don’t let all the anti-women posters here get you down.

Give us some rough numbers: what’s the rent, what does he pay, what do you pay? How much are other expenses? How much did you get paid in your old job and now in your current one?

Your boyfriend and you should be agreeing about finances; moving to a cheaper place is one option. Him getting angry at your income is a problem — you should be figuring out your plan together.

As a woman, kindly shut up. It's not anti-woman to expect OP to be responsible for herself and act as a partner instead of her boyfriend's pampered pet.

I supported my now DH, but then only a boyfriend, through college and he later did for me for graduate school when I wanted to change fields. It's called growing a future together.

This.

Before we got married, DH and I moved in together. He supported me when I was in law school. I obviously wasn’t working, so I wasn’t bringing any money to the table. It wasn’t an issue at all. Why? Because we were in love and planned to get married.

I’m always shocked by the dcum relationships where couples keep their money separate and are aggressively tit for tat on every expense or chore. Imho, those relationships are doomed.