White parents: what are you teaching your white preschool age children about racism?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That looting people’s property is never ever ok no matter what.

Make sure you add to that list (or better yet, preface that statement with multiple others before you get to it). Seriously, how, HOW can this be your takeaway? I am not pro-looting, nor do I condone the destruction of property, but if THIS is what you are telling your children and it doesn't come AFTER the fact that killing someone is not ok, you disgust me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol I read only fiction books to my kids. I'm not spending my limited time with them reading some boring crap about famous white OR black people. Trust me there are plenty of years of indoctrination once they hit elementary school. No shortage of education centered around leftist political agenda.

You are ignorant AF. There's nothing leftist or political about understanding that racism exists and is bad for everyone.

Ok thanks. I have a phd and don't care.

And I should add that it's in a real, actual field. Not grievance studies

A phD in asshattery?

This reminds me of the joke:

"You walk into a room full of people. How can you spot the folks who have a Ph.D...?"

"...Because they immediately come up and tell you."

That PP is not representative of those of us who have PhDs--most I know are a lot more thoughtful and nuanced about many issues, and don't bring it up unless specifically relevant. I'm not sure I even believe they have a Ph.D.

I also have one but haven't brought it up in my previous posts because it had no relevance. The PhD PP here seems insecure, at best. Also the bolded really makes me raise my eyebrows--seems like the anti-intellectual comments made so often by Trump supporters.

[Anonymous]

Sesame Street is hosting another Town Hall this Saturday on racism. This could be good starting point for a lot of us trying to figure out how to discuss this issue with preschoolers.

https://www.cnn.com/2020/06/02/us/cnn-sesame-street-standing-up-to-racism/index.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. I think the range of responses here is interesting, though I guess not surprising.

Maybe I should have stated in the OP that we have lots of diverse/inclusive books, we live in DC in a mostly black neighborhood, she went to a mostly black daycare, and goes to a mostly black preschool. So we’re good on exposure.

I had assumed that was sufficient, but I’ve read, on some of the links/articles mentioned above and some other places as well, that exposure isn’t enough. We need to be talking to kids, before age 5 or 6, because by that time they’ve already developed opinions about race and “filled in the blanks“ about their observations if no one talks to them about them explicitly. Like, if we teach them that every one is equal, and they see disparity, then they assume the disparity is deserved and will attribute it to the most obvious distinguishing characteristic - race.

Based on what I’ve read, I’m willing to believe that even though it feels to young to say something that we should be talking to her about racism, and I know black families don’t have the luxury of waiting. I’ve already been following several of the IG feeds mentioned above, which echo that message and provide lots of examples of books. And I’ve found a bunch of resources for talking about it with kids older than mine. But I was really hoping for ideas of what to say to my kid. That information seems to be lacking. I see a lot of “say something!” but not what to say.

As it is, I’ve made a few attempts to explain what the signs around our neighborhood mean when she asks. I don’t think I’ve been very successful at getting the point across, though the nice thing is I’m able to see where I can improve based on her responses. Right now she is focused on the man who was killed, which I was using as a reference point. So when we talk about it again I’ll emphasize the history of unfair treatment, which I’ve mentioned as well but that’s not what’s sticking right now. We’ll keep trying.

Emphasizing the history of unfair treatment to a preschooler? Of course it's not sticking! She's what? 3 or 4 years old?

OP, you have good intentions, but I think you need to chill out a bit. Let your daughter enjoy being a kid and enjoy discovering the beauty of life and the beauty of this world. When it comes to the ugliness of this world and things like racism, she's going to learn most by observing how you interact with your black neighbors and others in your community. In my opinion, the "exposure" you reference, coupled with modeling behavior, is sufficient for a preschooler. The history lessons and discussions can come later, but you can't force your child to grow or mature faster by pounding these things into her head. She's not going to get it at that age.

If you don't think that three and four year olds understand the concept of fairness, I don't know what to say to you.

Well, there's one thing I can say to you. Maybe read a bit more closely before rushing to judgment. The PP did not say that three and four-year olds don't understand the concept of fairness. He/she (rightly) said that three and four-year olds are not going to understand the history of unfair treatment.

I happen to think the average four-year old gets the concept of fairness better than most adults, especially those on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

I found this helpful

https://messaging-custom-newsletters.nytimes.com/template/oakv2?campaign_id=118&emc=edit_ptg_20200603&instance_id=19024&nl=nyt-parenting&productCode=PTG®i_id=58445484&segment_id=29946&te=1&uri=nyt%3A%2F%2Fnewsletter%2F705a8f23-83c6-4d9f-8c8d-09c860f865ad&user_id=7517d3d819d44dda422f7e2b9720ef6e

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was called the N-word for the first time at 4 years old by a same-aged peer. I was bullied in Kindergarten at 5 for the color of my skin, so I do think some conversation before elementary is important.

Same. I went to Montgomery County Public Schools and I remember being bullied by a few ignorant kids in elementary school. In the 5th grade, the n word was written in a girls bathroom stall. I went to schools in the northeast part of the county and there was always a divide and racial buzz going on. I think education should start before entering school. If you don't do it, someone else will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. I think the range of responses here is interesting, though I guess not surprising.

Maybe I should have stated in the OP that we have lots of diverse/inclusive books, we live in DC in a mostly black neighborhood, she went to a mostly black daycare, and goes to a mostly black preschool. So we’re good on exposure.

I had assumed that was sufficient, but I’ve read, on some of the links/articles mentioned above and some other places as well, that exposure isn’t enough. We need to be talking to kids, before age 5 or 6, because by that time they’ve already developed opinions about race and “filled in the blanks“ about their observations if no one talks to them about them explicitly. Like, if we teach them that every one is equal, and they see disparity, then they assume the disparity is deserved and will attribute it to the most obvious distinguishing characteristic - race.

Based on what I’ve read, I’m willing to believe that even though it feels to young to say something that we should be talking to her about racism, and I know black families don’t have the luxury of waiting. I’ve already been following several of the IG feeds mentioned above, which echo that message and provide lots of examples of books. And I’ve found a bunch of resources for talking about it with kids older than mine. But I was really hoping for ideas of what to say to my kid. That information seems to be lacking. I see a lot of “say something!” but not what to say.

As it is, I’ve made a few attempts to explain what the signs around our neighborhood mean when she asks. I don’t think I’ve been very successful at getting the point across, though the nice thing is I’m able to see where I can improve based on her responses. Right now she is focused on the man who was killed, which I was using as a reference point. So when we talk about it again I’ll emphasize the history of unfair treatment, which I’ve mentioned as well but that’s not what’s sticking right now. We’ll keep trying.

Emphasizing the history of unfair treatment to a preschooler? Of course it's not sticking! She's what? 3 or 4 years old?

OP, you have good intentions, but I think you need to chill out a bit. Let your daughter enjoy being a kid and enjoy discovering the beauty of life and the beauty of this world. When it comes to the ugliness of this world and things like racism, she's going to learn most by observing how you interact with your black neighbors and others in your community. In my opinion, the "exposure" you reference, coupled with modeling behavior, is sufficient for a preschooler. The history lessons and discussions can come later, but you can't force your child to grow or mature faster by pounding these things into her head. She's not going to get it at that age.

If you don't think that three and four year olds understand the concept of fairness, I don't know what to say to you.

Well, there's one thing I can say to you. Maybe read a bit more closely before rushing to judgment. The PP did not say that three and four-year olds don't understand the concept of fairness. He/she (rightly) said that three and four-year olds are not going to understand the history of unfair treatment.

I happen to think the average four-year old gets the concept of fairness better than most adults, especially those on DCUM.

I read it just fine, thanks. A four-year old can understand fairness (you agree), then they can understand that there is a history of unfair treatment. There are ways to frame these discussions so that they make sense to four-year olds. It is exactly because a four-year old gets the concept of fairness better than most adults that you should be talking to them about it now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't teach my 3-year-old about racism. At this stage, I'm letting her grow in the world as she sees it where people come in all sorts of different colours and we're all just 'same but different'. Same for gender issues - she just sees or experiences girls doing a range of different things and in wide variety of roles, as do boys.

When she's older and starts to understand news or we come across issues, I will explain what's right or wrong and my view of those things.

Right now she hasn't encountered or witnessed racism or racial issues in her life - which I think is a good thing - and I think she's too young to really understand theoretical explanations.

So, you know the "colorblind" approach is not recommended, right? And no, she's not too young to understand that people might treat her friend differently because of her skin color.

Oh wait, you're probably the kind of person who lives in a very white area.

I would not say it's a colorblind approach - I fully expect my daughter to see and know that there are people of different colors and cultures, and I want her to grow up taking that for granted, as natural. There is no hierarchy between races.

As for what kind of person I am, no am not living in a very white area - I live in NoVa. However, I have lived in a very white area most of my life and part of my daughter's life. In another country and with a whole lot of exposure to and experience with different nationalities, I might add. I do not think there is anything wrong living in a very white area, not does it make you a certain kind of person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't teach my 3-year-old about racism. At this stage, I'm letting her grow in the world as she sees it where people come in all sorts of different colours and we're all just 'same but different'. Same for gender issues - she just sees or experiences girls doing a range of different things and in wide variety of roles, as do boys.

When she's older and starts to understand news or we come across issues, I will explain what's right or wrong and my view of those things.

Right now she hasn't encountered or witnessed racism or racial issues in her life - which I think is a good thing - and I think she's too young to really understand theoretical explanations.

So, you know the "colorblind" approach is not recommended, right? And no, she's not too young to understand that people might treat her friend differently because of her skin color.

Oh wait, you're probably the kind of person who lives in a very white area.

I would not say it's a colorblind approach - I fully expect my daughter to see and know that there are people of different colors and cultures, and I want her to grow up taking that for granted, as natural. There is no hierarchy between races.

As for what kind of person I am, no am not living in a very white area - I live in NoVa. However, I have lived in a very white area most of my life and part of my daughter's life. In another country and with a whole lot of exposure to and experience with different nationalities, I might add. I do not think there is anything wrong living in a very white area, not does it make you a certain kind of person.

DP. I don't disagree with this. I think the problem is that too many people say they're teaching their children this but if you're not also teaching your children that there are people who don't believe this, and that there are powerful people who don't believe this, I think you are doing a disservice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DP. I don't disagree with this. I think the problem is that too many people say they're teaching their children this but if you're not also teaching your children that there are people who don't believe this, and that there are powerful people who don't believe this, I think you are doing a disservice.

Valid point and I agree. I just think she's a bit too young to understand that right now.

[Anonymous]

I don’t teach them about racism specifically. We have a some children’s books which show children from all around the world and we use them to teach our kids that people come in many different colors with many different customs but we were all created by God and we should treat everyone the same. My son is in K in a very white school and his best friend is AA and because of the book he first thought he was from Africa. That led to a good discussion. But I’m not going to spend time talking to them about police abuse of AA’s because it is over their heads and might confuse them because 95% of cops are very good people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. I don't disagree with this. I think the problem is that too many people say they're teaching their children this but if you're not also teaching your children that there are people who don't believe this, and that there are powerful people who don't believe this, I think you are doing a disservice.

Valid point and I agree. I just think she's a bit too young to understand that right now.

PP, and I hear you, but I do think there are ways to talk to kids about other people and they way they treat people. My kids are in K and they know that other people do the wrong thing sometimes - they'll point out someone driving too fast or not using a blinker or talk about how someone in their class was mean. Plus, I don't think it's just me, but I have always been amazed by the things my kids pick up even when I think they are too young to understand it. Talking about something over and over again, not in four hour monologues but in small doses, increases their exposure to any idea. Also, as someone else pointed out, teaching kids that everyone is equal when they see people not being treated equally will lead them to come to conclusions as to why that is, and the conclusion they will likely come to is that it is the fault of the person who is being treated badly, since they will assume that everyone thinks the same way they do and wouldn't treat anyone poorly. I hope that makes sense. I'm not trying to be critical, and I am far from perfect when it comes to having conversations with my children and even with other adults, but I just keep trying to do better. For the most part I think most people on this post are honestly trying to do the right thing.

[Anonymous]

I am teaching that if you do drugs, like Mr. Floyd, your reaction maybe significantly impaired and you can die one day of unexpected cause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am teaching that if you do drugs, like Mr. Floyd, your reaction maybe significantly impaired and you can die one day of unexpected cause.

You mean that you'll die because someone kills you? If not, then go educate yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am teaching that if you do drugs, like Mr. Floyd, your reaction maybe significantly impaired and you can die one day of unexpected cause.

God help your children. You don't get it and this is why racism will never go away.