White parents: what are you teaching your white preschool age children about racism?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That some bad people will generally use whatever they can against other people, and race and gender are most visible and thus easiest targets. You need to know that none of it is true, instead it's mean people trying to take things from other people however they can.

When he's older, we'll get into the specifics of history as well as the positive stories of overcoming oppression. We are eastern european/jewish so lots of family history as well.

I appreciate you talking to your kids about this and I don't mean to pick on your post. But I wonder if framing this in terms of 'bad people' is part of the issue. We all have unconscious biases that affect our thoughts and actions but that doesn't make all of us bad people. It's important to learn to recognize those unconscious biases so you can consciously try to counteract them. I'm not saying that this should be a discussion with a small child, but I am saying that framing it in terms of bad people misses a lot of what we experience and it causes decent people who would never use the N word assume that none of this applies to them.

You are not wrong, we are definitely all biased, but the fact is that people also use things like race and gender against other people consciously and specifically to benefit themselves. It is a systemic, central issue. It’s not some externality/unintended consequence. It’s conscious and tactical. I want / need my kid to know that. Biases occur in addition to, not instead of, intentional repression. I need to stop typing before is start rambling about Kant’s categorical imperative (humans have an inate ability to know right from wrong; they don't need the Bible or some other authority to spell it out for them; and it is our obligation to rely on this internal moral compass in our actions).

i'm the PP, keep thinking that i need to explain myself, because i don't mean to contradict you. I just saw a clip by Trevor Noah from May 29 and around minute 3 is basically what I'm talking about https://www.facebook.com/thedailyshow/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care what others say. We definitely did not discuss this with preschoolers. I’d say we started maybe around 2nd grade with each of them and even then just in small doses. Some of this is really traumatic. Children are allowed to be children - they don’t need the weight of the world just yet. And yes I know some children don’t have the “privilege” of not knowing about this. That is true. But all kinds of people have different life experiences. I’m not moving to the slums of India just because some people have to live that way. Flame away.

RIGHT?!? Agree.

I did order a bunch more diverse books though.

Black children are not afforded the same luxury. They are actually LIVING all of this. You aren't even willing to have age appropriate but honest conversations with your kids? Racism is not something that can be solved by black people alone. It will continue to persist so long as white people like you refuse to acknowledge that this is their problem too.

Yep, it’s MY problem as a white adult. It’s not my young child’s problem. I don’t tell them about debt, or cancer, or rape, or suicide either. The day will come for all of these things. But I see no need to rush it.

[Anonymous]

DD is turning 3 in about 2 weeks and we are not having direct conversations with her, because frankly she would not understand. We don't live in a very diverse neighborhood and nearly all of her friends are white. Her favorite babysitter is black but otherwise she does not have much exposure at this age. I'm aware that may sound a little cringe-y but aside from actively going out to find her black friends I'm not sure how to correct this until she goes to school.

At this point, we are reading books that feature a diverse group of people (She Persisted, She Persisted Around The World, This Little Trailblazer and Just Ask are our favorites) and make a point to get library books that feature a diverse group of characters.

What else can we be doing?

[Anonymous]

I love some of the suggestions here. I’m Asian and DH is white but kids definitely look more Asian. I think it’s never too young to lay the foundation for kids to celebrate diversity (instead of focusing on racism.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love some of the suggestions here. I’m Asian and DH is white but kids definitely look more Asian. I think it’s never too young to lay the foundation for kids to celebrate diversity (instead of focusing on racism.)

I 100% agree. At that age, it’s about celebrating diversity. Normalizing all sorts of people in all sorts of roles in their lives.

Much of that is about living in a diverse place. Books can only go so far.

[Anonymous]

I have made a point to have normal children’s book that feature everyday children and families that happen to be black. We also have books that talk about skin color, “Whoever you Are” by mem fox and All The Colors We Are by Katie Kissinger. We have multiple black baby dolls/doll house people/ LEGO friends etc... when we have the opportunity to have the imaginary play represent the world we live in, I consciously include both. I chose to give my business to people of color, particularly women, for example our pediatrician.

[Anonymous]

I tell them that racism is about ignorance, and people of all races can be ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is turning 3 in about 2 weeks and we are not having direct conversations with her, because frankly she would not understand. We don't live in a very diverse neighborhood and nearly all of her friends are white. Her favorite babysitter is black but otherwise she does not have much exposure at this age. I'm aware that may sound a little cringe-y but aside from actively going out to find her black friends I'm not sure how to correct this until she goes to school.

At this point, we are reading books that feature a diverse group of people (She Persisted, She Persisted Around The World, This Little Trailblazer and Just Ask are our favorites) and make a point to get library books that feature a diverse group of characters.

What else can we be doing?

I think there are lots of things you can be doing, but you’ll need to put in the work - I would start by reading, so many resources have been posted and created for white parents to help navigate this - books for parents to read, Instagram feeds to follow, start reading and figuring out what you can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That some bad people will generally use whatever they can against other people, and race and gender are most visible and thus easiest targets. You need to know that none of it is true, instead it's mean people trying to take things from other people however they can.

When he's older, we'll get into the specifics of history as well as the positive stories of overcoming oppression. We are eastern european/jewish so lots of family history as well.

I appreciate you talking to your kids about this and I don't mean to pick on your post. But I wonder if framing this in terms of 'bad people' is part of the issue. We all have unconscious biases that affect our thoughts and actions but that doesn't make all of us bad people. It's important to learn to recognize those unconscious biases so you can consciously try to counteract them. I'm not saying that this should be a discussion with a small child, but I am saying that framing it in terms of bad people misses a lot of what we experience and it causes decent people who would never use the N word assume that none of this applies to them.

You are not wrong, we are definitely all biased, but the fact is that people also use things like race and gender against other people consciously and specifically to benefit themselves. It is a systemic, central issue. It’s not some externality/unintended consequence. It’s conscious and tactical. I want / need my kid to know that. Biases occur in addition to, not instead of, intentional repression. I need to stop typing before is start rambling about Kant’s categorical imperative (humans have an inate ability to know right from wrong; they don't need the Bible or some other authority to spell it out for them; and it is our obligation to rely on this internal moral compass in our actions).

i'm the PP, keep thinking that i need to explain myself, because i don't mean to contradict you. I just saw a clip by Trevor Noah from May 29 and around minute 3 is basically what I'm talking about https://www.facebook.com/thedailyshow/

I am the person to whom you are responding. I did not click on your link but I agree with you completely. I was not clear, because I meant in addition to the ‘bad people’ mentioned by the original pp, there is also implicit bias. I am an AA woman and talking about racism with people who are not minorities can be frustrating because they sometimes get defensive when they feel none of it applies to them, as they are not consciously racist. Hope that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Morning, PP 7:20 - I understand completely and agree!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is turning 3 in about 2 weeks and we are not having direct conversations with her, because frankly she would not understand. We don't live in a very diverse neighborhood and nearly all of her friends are white. Her favorite babysitter is black but otherwise she does not have much exposure at this age. I'm aware that may sound a little cringe-y but aside from actively going out to find her black friends I'm not sure how to correct this until she goes to school.

At this point, we are reading books that feature a diverse group of people (She Persisted, She Persisted Around The World, This Little Trailblazer and Just Ask are our favorites) and make a point to get library books that feature a diverse group of characters.

What else can we be doing?

I think it is important to have diversity in toys (minority dolls and superheroes) and diverse main characters in books that are just regular kid-plot books, and not geared towards teaching diversity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have made a point to have normal children’s book that feature everyday children and families that happen to be black. We also have books that talk about skin color, “Whoever you Are” by mem fox and All The Colors We Are by Katie Kissinger. We have multiple black baby dolls/doll house people/ LEGO friends etc... when we have the opportunity to have the imaginary play represent the world we live in, I consciously include both. I chose to give my business to people of color, particularly women, for example our pediatrician.

I'm also at this point with my just turned 3 year old. There is some diversity at daycare, but our day to day life right now (because she doesn't go anywhere except daycare because of Covid) is otherwise not diverse. I just signed up for a diverse book club that will send us 2 books each month. We've got fairly diverse dolls and toy figures for her to play with, though she'd rather play with the animal figures than any of the people at this point.

Here's the book club:
https://www.jambobooks.com/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Preschool children don't see race

There's been studies on this. Look up the doll study.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/05/13/doll.study/index.html This happened just 10 years ago. And you think preschoolers don't see race.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing.

Tell them that different people have different color skin and those with darker ones get treated differently but you should treat everyone the same.