White parents: what are you teaching your white preschool age children about racism?
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Anonymous
| I’ve been reading that it is important to tell our young children about racism, and not fall back on general statements about equality. We’re told to make the conversation age appropriate. But I haven’t seen or read what we’re supposed to say. What is age appropriate for a 4 year old? What are you teaching your young kids? |
Anonymous
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We read age-appropriate bios of famous civil rights leaders, and we talk about what they were fighting against and for. We talk about how in the past, and even today, some people think that it's okay to treat others badly because of the color of their skin. And we talk about how that's never okay -- that we should treat everyone with kindness.
We also talk about how people have different color skin/hair, etc., because of where their ancestors lived (people whose ancestors lived in places where it was hotter tend to have darker skin; people whose ancestors lived in places where it was colder tend to have lighter skin). And how great it is that people have different hair and skin and eyes, etc. As the kids get older, we talk about history in more detail, and about the specific ways that black people and other minorities were discriminated against (slavery, Jim Crow, Indian removal, redlining, etc.) and the ways that racism still shows itself in our society. |
Anonymous
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We made sure to move to a diverse area. I think immersing her in a diverse environment is really important.
We have books with a diverse set of characters. Same with the TV shows she watches. She needs to learn that it is “normal” to see all sorts of people in various roles. Even something like Doc McStuffins is helpful, as she’s an AA girl who is a doctor. Her mother (also AA) is a doctor. Her father stays at home. It teaches a lot of good lessons. That’s primarily what we’re doing now — trying to lay a foundation in which she doesn’t question seeing a broad array of people in various roles and jobs. As she gets older, we’ll start to talk about discrimination, the history of civil rights, etc. But making it concrete is important, as is setting an example. My mom worked for the NY chapter of the ACLU and advocated for the rights of day laborers. It was normal for my sister and me to go with my mom after school to bail the guys out of jail when they were unlawfully taken into custody. You need to make it about more than a theoretic conversation. |
Anonymous
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That some bad people will generally use whatever they can against other people, and race and gender are most visible and thus easiest targets. You need to know that none of it is true, instead it's mean people trying to take things from other people however they can.
When he's older, we'll get into the specifics of history as well as the positive stories of overcoming oppression. We are eastern european/jewish so lots of family history as well. |
Anonymous
| We’re white and send our DC to a majority-minority school in DC that we love. We talk a LOT about how people can look different (different colors of skin, hair, eyes, but also different heights and weights, genders, etc) but we’re all the same on the inside. Also lots of conversation about how being different makes us all special and that we should celebrate and be proud of our differences. Big emphasis on kindness and empathy all around. |
Anonymous
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I just followed two instagram pages which I'm finding helpful- 1) theconciouskid and 2) hereweread
Both have great resources and hereweread had tons of book recommendations for different ages. I'm going to start there |
Anonymous
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I don't teach my 3-year-old about racism. At this stage, I'm letting her grow in the world as she sees it where people come in all sorts of different colours and we're all just 'same but different'. Same for gender issues - she just sees or experiences girls doing a range of different things and in wide variety of roles, as do boys.
When she's older and starts to understand news or we come across issues, I will explain what's right or wrong and my view of those things. Right now she hasn't encountered or witnessed racism or racial issues in her life - which I think is a good thing - and I think she's too young to really understand theoretical explanations. |
Anonymous
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I didn't see this post until after I just posted a separate thread with this article, but I found this really helpful to get some words:
https://medium.com/@emilypgerickson/i-live-in-minneapolis-this-is-what-i-told-my-4-year-old-26d5213f6722 There are a lot of good resources out there that help with ideas and you can look through some of their old posts- seconding the poster aboveon instagram, @hereweeread, @theconciouskid. The book "Something Happened in our Town" has tips on how to have these discussions with your kid, what to say. It's sold out on Amazon but you can buy it directly from the publisher. Rebekah Gieapp also has great info. She wrote a book that is very helpful to parents and walks through how to have these conversations and there is also a lot of great info on her website (including conversation guides!): https://www.rebekahgienapp.com/start/ |
Anonymous
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At age 4: I'm teaching my daughter to speak out if someone is being mean to someone else. That being different is okay. That words can hurt other people's feelings. We've worked a lot on not calling other people ugly or fat and that everyone has something that's great about them. I actually think 4 year olds are inherently good at finding positives. My daughter will gush about people's nail polish or earrings and it's not fake.
Racism is a bit too deep for my daughter, but she's a young 4. It is a great topic later though. |
Anonymous
| I don’t care what others say. We definitely did not discuss this with preschoolers. I’d say we started maybe around 2nd grade with each of them and even then just in small doses. Some of this is really traumatic. Children are allowed to be children - they don’t need the weight of the world just yet. And yes I know some children don’t have the “privilege” of not knowing about this. That is true. But all kinds of people have different life experiences. I’m not moving to the slums of India just because some people have to live that way. Flame away. |
Anonymous
| Nothing. As things come up and they ask questions, we will address. But we are no proactively discussing racism or the rioting; they are already on edge with the pandemic. |
Anonymous
You sound like a really loving parent and your intentions are good, but I encourage you to read more about this and what professionals and researchers recommend because they are all really in strong agreement that this is not the best approach as much as it sometimes feels right in our minds. There have been many resources in other threads to start learning about why it’s so important, Your Parenting Mojo has a bunch of podcasts if that feels like a good medium, just search race and start at the beginning of her series (wait is my toddler racist?). It’s all really enlightening and I didn’t realize it before either. Here is a really simple, good visual on why kids are never too young http://www.childrenscommunityschool.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/theyre-not-too-young-1.pdf |
Anonymous
I saw that chart. Here’s the thing: my child plays with all sort of children and has never once mentioned race to me. Part of me wonders whether it’s right to draw her attention to differences before she can understand why I’m doing so. She cannot, at 3 years old, really understand racism. At 5-6 years old—sure. But at 3 years old, if she hasn’t ever mentioned race or showed preference for her own race, I don’t know if it’s productive to draw attention to it when she can’t understand the context. |
Anonymous
Sorry, I should say that I’m not the PP, but take a similar approach to the PP. My child goes to a majority-minority preschool and nearly every picture they send me from her day (which is every day) shows her playing with a kid of a different race. |
Anonymous
Black parent here, and a mental health professional. I definitely started with board books about MLK around that age. Also board books about celebrating differences. I don't think we really got into the fact that inequality continues today, and that the struggle isn't over, until age 5 or 6. Amidst recent events, I've broached the topic of police brutality (now age 8). I definitely agree that what you tell them should be age appropriate, but that parents shouldn't shy away from having these conversations, even if uncomfortable. There are a lot of resources online. Here are a few: http://www.raceconscious.org/strategies/ https://www.tolerance.org/ https://www.embracerace.org/ |