White parents: what are you teaching your white preschool age children about racism?

[Anonymous]

We picked up cues from what the preschool has been doing during black history month. Highlighting lots of accomplishments and inventions from Black Americans.

Also, we don't actively seek out friends just because they're black (because that's ridiculous), but I think that as adults just having black friends and having them over to the house frequently as a way of normal life is helpful behavior to model. When I was growing up, my exposure to black people was the Cosby Show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't teach my 3-year-old about racism. At this stage, I'm letting her grow in the world as she sees it where people come in all sorts of different colours and we're all just 'same but different'. Same for gender issues - she just sees or experiences girls doing a range of different things and in wide variety of roles, as do boys.

When she's older and starts to understand news or we come across issues, I will explain what's right or wrong and my view of those things.

Right now she hasn't encountered or witnessed racism or racial issues in her life - which I think is a good thing - and I think she's too young to really understand theoretical explanations.

So, you know the "colorblind" approach is not recommended, right? And no, she's not too young to understand that people might treat her friend differently because of her skin color.

Oh wait, you're probably the kind of person who lives in a very white area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol I read only fiction books to my kids. I'm not spending my limited time with them reading some boring crap about famous white OR black people. Trust me there are plenty of years of indoctrination once they hit elementary school. No shortage of education centered around leftist political agenda.

You are ignorant AF. There's nothing leftist or political about understanding that racism exists and is bad for everyone.

Ok thanks. I have a phd and don't care.

And I should add that it's in a real, actual field. Not grievance studies

A phD in asshattery?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re white and send our DC to a majority-minority school in DC that we love. We talk a LOT about how people can look different (different colors of skin, hair, eyes, but also different heights and weights, genders, etc) but we’re all the same on the inside. Also lots of conversation about how being different makes us all special and that we should celebrate and be proud of our differences. Big emphasis on kindness and empathy all around.

I hope your child is actually in classes with the minority students, and not in the special "gifted" class that happens to be all the white kids in the school. That was my experience in majority-minority public schools.

I know exactly what school you're talking about, if you're in FCPS.

[Anonymous]

This is the OP. I think the range of responses here is interesting, though I guess not surprising.

Maybe I should have stated in the OP that we have lots of diverse/inclusive books, we live in DC in a mostly black neighborhood, she went to a mostly black daycare, and goes to a mostly black preschool. So we’re good on exposure.

I had assumed that was sufficient, but I’ve read, on some of the links/articles mentioned above and some other places as well, that exposure isn’t enough. We need to be talking to kids, before age 5 or 6, because by that time they’ve already developed opinions about race and “filled in the blanks“ about their observations if no one talks to them about them explicitly. Like, if we teach them that every one is equal, and they see disparity, then they assume the disparity is deserved and will attribute it to the most obvious distinguishing characteristic - race.

Based on what I’ve read, I’m willing to believe that even though it feels to young to say something that we should be talking to her about racism, and I know black families don’t have the luxury of waiting. I’ve already been following several of the IG feeds mentioned above, which echo that message and provide lots of examples of books. And I’ve found a bunch of resources for talking about it with kids older than mine. But I was really hoping for ideas of what to say to my kid. That information seems to be lacking. I see a lot of “say something!” but not what to say.

As it is, I’ve made a few attempts to explain what the signs around our neighborhood mean when she asks. I don’t think I’ve been very successful at getting the point across, though the nice thing is I’m able to see where I can improve based on her responses. Right now she is focused on the man who was killed, which I was using as a reference point. So when we talk about it again I’ll emphasize the history of unfair treatment, which I’ve mentioned as well but that’s not what’s sticking right now. We’ll keep trying.

[Anonymous]

Rather than trying to teach preschool age children about a topic that adults have royally f**ked up for centuries, perhaps the adults could benefit from shutting their mouths for a moment and watching their preschool age children interact with other preschool age children. At that age, kids have a lot to teach us about kindness and community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. I think the range of responses here is interesting, though I guess not surprising.

Maybe I should have stated in the OP that we have lots of diverse/inclusive books, we live in DC in a mostly black neighborhood, she went to a mostly black daycare, and goes to a mostly black preschool. So we’re good on exposure.

I had assumed that was sufficient, but I’ve read, on some of the links/articles mentioned above and some other places as well, that exposure isn’t enough. We need to be talking to kids, before age 5 or 6, because by that time they’ve already developed opinions about race and “filled in the blanks“ about their observations if no one talks to them about them explicitly. Like, if we teach them that every one is equal, and they see disparity, then they assume the disparity is deserved and will attribute it to the most obvious distinguishing characteristic - race.

Based on what I’ve read, I’m willing to believe that even though it feels to young to say something that we should be talking to her about racism, and I know black families don’t have the luxury of waiting. I’ve already been following several of the IG feeds mentioned above, which echo that message and provide lots of examples of books. And I’ve found a bunch of resources for talking about it with kids older than mine. But I was really hoping for ideas of what to say to my kid. That information seems to be lacking. I see a lot of “say something!” but not what to say.

As it is, I’ve made a few attempts to explain what the signs around our neighborhood mean when she asks. I don’t think I’ve been very successful at getting the point across, though the nice thing is I’m able to see where I can improve based on her responses. Right now she is focused on the man who was killed, which I was using as a reference point. So when we talk about it again I’ll emphasize the history of unfair treatment, which I’ve mentioned as well but that’s not what’s sticking right now. We’ll keep trying.

Emphasizing the history of unfair treatment to a preschooler? Of course it's not sticking! She's what? 3 or 4 years old?

OP, you have good intentions, but I think you need to chill out a bit. Let your daughter enjoy being a kid and enjoy discovering the beauty of life and the beauty of this world. When it comes to the ugliness of this world and things like racism, she's going to learn most by observing how you interact with your black neighbors and others in your community. In my opinion, the "exposure" you reference, coupled with modeling behavior, is sufficient for a preschooler. The history lessons and discussions can come later, but you can't force your child to grow or mature faster by pounding these things into her head. She's not going to get it at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol I read only fiction books to my kids. I'm not spending my limited time with them reading some boring crap about famous white OR black people. Trust me there are plenty of years of indoctrination once they hit elementary school. No shortage of education centered around leftist political agenda.

You are ignorant AF. There's nothing leftist or political about understanding that racism exists and is bad for everyone.

Ok thanks. I have a phd and don't care.

And I should add that it's in a real, actual field. Not grievance studies

A phD in asshattery?

This reminds me of the joke:

"You walk into a room full of people. How can you spot the folks who have a Ph.D...?"

"...Because they immediately come up and tell you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. I think the range of responses here is interesting, though I guess not surprising.

Maybe I should have stated in the OP that we have lots of diverse/inclusive books, we live in DC in a mostly black neighborhood, she went to a mostly black daycare, and goes to a mostly black preschool. So we’re good on exposure.

I had assumed that was sufficient, but I’ve read, on some of the links/articles mentioned above and some other places as well, that exposure isn’t enough. We need to be talking to kids, before age 5 or 6, because by that time they’ve already developed opinions about race and “filled in the blanks“ about their observations if no one talks to them about them explicitly. Like, if we teach them that every one is equal, and they see disparity, then they assume the disparity is deserved and will attribute it to the most obvious distinguishing characteristic - race.

Based on what I’ve read, I’m willing to believe that even though it feels to young to say something that we should be talking to her about racism, and I know black families don’t have the luxury of waiting. I’ve already been following several of the IG feeds mentioned above, which echo that message and provide lots of examples of books. And I’ve found a bunch of resources for talking about it with kids older than mine. But I was really hoping for ideas of what to say to my kid. That information seems to be lacking. I see a lot of “say something!” but not what to say.

As it is, I’ve made a few attempts to explain what the signs around our neighborhood mean when she asks. I don’t think I’ve been very successful at getting the point across, though the nice thing is I’m able to see where I can improve based on her responses. Right now she is focused on the man who was killed, which I was using as a reference point. So when we talk about it again I’ll emphasize the history of unfair treatment, which I’ve mentioned as well but that’s not what’s sticking right now. We’ll keep trying.

Emphasizing the history of unfair treatment to a preschooler? Of course it's not sticking! She's what? 3 or 4 years old?

OP, you have good intentions, but I think you need to chill out a bit. Let your daughter enjoy being a kid and enjoy discovering the beauty of life and the beauty of this world. When it comes to the ugliness of this world and things like racism, she's going to learn most by observing how you interact with your black neighbors and others in your community. In my opinion, the "exposure" you reference, coupled with modeling behavior, is sufficient for a preschooler. The history lessons and discussions can come later, but you can't force your child to grow or mature faster by pounding these things into her head. She's not going to get it at that age.

Yeah, maybe you’re right. Like I said, lots of research says exposure isn’t enough and you have to talk about it explicitly, even for a preschooler, so it’s hard to know where to go with this. FWIW, I said something like “black people have been treated unfairly for a long time” which I think is accessible, but maybe not. We talk about history specifically when we’re reading sometimes and she asks questions, which I think is appropriate too. Maybe we’re doing enough. Hard to know.

[Anonymous]

That looting people’s property is never ever ok no matter what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That looting people’s property is never ever ok no matter what.

Also... kneeling on someone’s neck and killing them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't go out of my way to teach my 4 yo son anything. Only once he made a comment that Larla at school was "brown" and I said a simple "yes, people come in all different colors", never came up again.

As he ages, I hope you also explain to him that because Larla is brown, she is treated differently, and your son should be aware of the things people say and do that perpetuate that problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've literally never talked to my kindergartener about race. Like never even mentioned that people have different skin colors. I live in a diverse area and he has plenty of black friends since he was in daycare. Some of his best friends are black and we have black, Hispanic and Asian friends. He doesn't see just white at school and at home so I think he sees diversity. I'm not sure how to talk to him about race other than to demonstrate treating people respectfully. If you have ideas, I'm open.

I have twins in Kindergarten. They are white but have friends of many different races. They are into horses and their two favorite TV shows have prominent black characters (a vet and a mayor, among others), as do their books and toys. However, it's just enough to see see diversity. You have to begin to make your kids understand that racism is out there and alive today. I'm not saying you should show them the video of George Floyd being murdered, but surely your child has encountered another child being picked on or treated differently for some reason or another by this point. I'm not saying there is serious bullying going on at your school, but there's no way by this point your kid hasn't seen someone treated differently because of something (doesn't have to be race). That's where you can talk about how some people treat people of different races differently and it's not ok. It's not enough to say "well I'm not overtly racist and neither is my kid because they see diversity." Your kid needs to start to learn about covert white supremacy, racial bias, and a thousand other topics that are actually pretty easily raised at this age. If you start talking to them about this stuff when they're in Kindergarten, they will be so much more aware of it when they get older. You can google "how to talk to kids about racism" and come up with tons of different ideas right now. So please do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tried to talk to my kids about it and they don’t seem too interested. They watched the news and they don’t understand how looting and violence is related to what happened. I tried talking to my 3yo and she said her skin color was rainbow. I don’t think they see color when they see people. I kind of like this. I know they live in a bubble for now and I don’t mind.

If your kids are old enough to be watching the news, it's kind of gross that they're not interested in what happened. It's your job as a parent to explain why they need to care. And if you don't care, then you need to examine why this doesn't bother you. How can anyone, of any color, have seen that video and not had their heart broken?

Also, talking to your kids about racism isn't "bursting their bubble." Your kids will continue to enjoy their white privilege even while they learn about how other people don't get the same benefit. And my kids are white, if you're curious, as am I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. I think the range of responses here is interesting, though I guess not surprising.

Maybe I should have stated in the OP that we have lots of diverse/inclusive books, we live in DC in a mostly black neighborhood, she went to a mostly black daycare, and goes to a mostly black preschool. So we’re good on exposure.

I had assumed that was sufficient, but I’ve read, on some of the links/articles mentioned above and some other places as well, that exposure isn’t enough. We need to be talking to kids, before age 5 or 6, because by that time they’ve already developed opinions about race and “filled in the blanks“ about their observations if no one talks to them about them explicitly. Like, if we teach them that every one is equal, and they see disparity, then they assume the disparity is deserved and will attribute it to the most obvious distinguishing characteristic - race.

Based on what I’ve read, I’m willing to believe that even though it feels to young to say something that we should be talking to her about racism, and I know black families don’t have the luxury of waiting. I’ve already been following several of the IG feeds mentioned above, which echo that message and provide lots of examples of books. And I’ve found a bunch of resources for talking about it with kids older than mine. But I was really hoping for ideas of what to say to my kid. That information seems to be lacking. I see a lot of “say something!” but not what to say.

As it is, I’ve made a few attempts to explain what the signs around our neighborhood mean when she asks. I don’t think I’ve been very successful at getting the point across, though the nice thing is I’m able to see where I can improve based on her responses. Right now she is focused on the man who was killed, which I was using as a reference point. So when we talk about it again I’ll emphasize the history of unfair treatment, which I’ve mentioned as well but that’s not what’s sticking right now. We’ll keep trying.

Emphasizing the history of unfair treatment to a preschooler? Of course it's not sticking! She's what? 3 or 4 years old?

OP, you have good intentions, but I think you need to chill out a bit. Let your daughter enjoy being a kid and enjoy discovering the beauty of life and the beauty of this world. When it comes to the ugliness of this world and things like racism, she's going to learn most by observing how you interact with your black neighbors and others in your community. In my opinion, the "exposure" you reference, coupled with modeling behavior, is sufficient for a preschooler. The history lessons and discussions can come later, but you can't force your child to grow or mature faster by pounding these things into her head. She's not going to get it at that age.

If you don't think that three and four year olds understand the concept of fairness, I don't know what to say to you.