“School is not childcare”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

I guess I owe my sister an apology.

Our society is constructed that way.

I was just offended that I'm a good enough free babysitter but I'm somehow not a good enough teacher even though I am the one with them ALL day (she is working from home so could have them but doesn't) and AM teaching them everything right now. My kids are not less educated than her kids but that is the implication. Bill completely said today when I dropped them off (I also often pick up and drop off because my kids are old enough to be at home by themselves for the few minutes), that now they needed to read and get in some education as if I'm not working with them all day. It was unnecessarily mean.

And I'm jealous that my parents are now stepping in to help her at her demand for FREE as well even though they never helped me, exposing themselves to almost certain death at this rate or at least a real risk.

So she basically doesn't have to pay a penny and does whatever she wants and insults people who take care of their own children.

And I'm just mostly stressed and tired and sensitive so I'm sure I was snippy but who makes their husband write their sister an email instead of talking to me herself?

WHY are you picking them up and dropping them off??

Somebody needs to tell them no. You could start.

Holy crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:School is, of course, childcare, and our entire economy is built around that assumption. I have no idea why DCUM is obsessed with this fiction.

EXACTLY. Of course one of the functions that school serves is to take care of children. I, too, think DCUM is weirdly obsessed with thinking this isn't the case and there is something wrong with a parent who took a job assuming their kids would be in school during certain hours M-F.

Schools do not exist to be childcare. It is a fact. Insisting that schools start up again to be childcare is outrageously selfish and entitled.

I do not personally need schools for childcare because I’m rich. But I can look around and see we as a society need school as childcare.

Childcare and schools should be distinct from one another. Just because school conveniently coincides with many working hours does not make it child care.

It’s like blurring the line between patient and customer in a physicians office. If you’re a customer, then you decide what prescriptions a doctor writes for you. If you’re a patient, you collaborate with the doc, who doesn’t just write you scripts as you demand.

You are splitting hairs and you know it.

I am not splitting hairs. The way you perceive the relationship has a big effect on the relationship.

I love this analogy. It's so true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

I guess I owe my sister an apology.

Our society is constructed that way.

I was just offended that I'm a good enough free babysitter but I'm somehow not a good enough teacher even though I am the one with them ALL day (she is working from home so could have them but doesn't) and AM teaching them everything right now. My kids are not less educated than her kids but that is the implication. Bill completely said today when I dropped them off (I also often pick up and drop off because my kids are old enough to be at home by themselves for the few minutes), that now they needed to read and get in some education as if I'm not working with them all day. It was unnecessarily mean.

And I'm jealous that my parents are now stepping in to help her at her demand for FREE as well even though they never helped me, exposing themselves to almost certain death at this rate or at least a real risk.

So she basically doesn't have to pay a penny and does whatever she wants and insults people who take care of their own children.

And I'm just mostly stressed and tired and sensitive so I'm sure I was snippy but who makes their husband write their sister an email instead of talking to me herself?

You absolutely do not owe them an apology. There is nothing wrong with asking that you be allowed to incorporate their kids into your schedule if you are offering to watch them for free during the work day. You also can't control what your parents offer them. After a couple of months, your parents may also ask for a change of schedule or let them know it isn't working for them either. Frankly your BIL sounds pretty ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teachers aren't nannies and schools aren't daycares, but millions of working parents structured their work and family planning and lots of other aspects of their lives around the fact that we have mandatory education and that children go to school during the day. And they aren't calling for the schools to reopen because they hate their kids, or because they see teachers as nannies, but because they work to pay their bills and they are worried about being able to keep the jobs that feed and house and clothe their children.

And none of this has anything to do with OP's situation anyway.

No, it's because people live beyond their means in this country.

Are you the "something went wrong in the last 20 years" poster? Because 20 years ago was the dot com boom, it wasn't Leave it to Beaver. You are looking at a tiny segment of society anyway- most people work to live in this country. They aren't living beyond their means, they are just making rent, food, car, and a tiny bit of comfort for life for themselves with each paycheck

[Anonymous]

OP, you are being used. I say this not trying to be mean...”grow a backbone”. They dumped their kids on you so they don’t have to deal with them at home during the day and try to work at the same time. Sorry they’re such jerks, but that’s exactly what they are. It’s also obvious that they can’t handle and have no interest in handling their own children. You need to focus on your own children. Your sister and brother-in-law’s kids need to go home. I also can’t believe that you’re picking them up and dropping them off. I would tell you to call them and tell them to come get their kids, but I know they probably won’t until they’re done with work. So put your sisters kids in your car take them home and ring the doorbell. Again, you need to focus on your own children. Your sister and brother-in-law’s kids need to go home. At this point it doesn’t matter that you think they won’t be happy there during the day. They are not your responsibility. Plus, you cannot control what your parents are willing to do for your sister.

I know this sounds harsh, but as the daughter of a doormat you have to stand up for yourself. Otherwise you will not be happy and others will take advantage of you as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s what I think people are really saying with “school is not childcare”:

I as a teacher should not be forced into a dangerous environment just because you have to go to work, when we can still accomplish learning online instead.

So little learning is taking place online that it is sad. My kids in 3rd and 4th grade are still doing just 4 hours of online school a week in FCPS and I would guess that 2-3 hours each week are teachers just checking in to see what everyone did over the weekend and reading out loud to the class. It is not a substitute at all for in person class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teachers aren't nannies and schools aren't daycares, but millions of working parents structured their work and family planning and lots of other aspects of their lives around the fact that we have mandatory education and that children go to school during the day. And they aren't calling for the schools to reopen because they hate their kids, or because they see teachers as nannies, but because they work to pay their bills and they are worried about being able to keep the jobs that feed and house and clothe their children.

And none of this has anything to do with OP's situation anyway.

Thank you. The whole discussion is madness.

Here’s the crux of it for me: do you think teachers should have to bear the health risks of being around large groups of children if it means getting the rest of society back to work?

Yes because the risk to teachers and kids is so small. Unless teachers are immuno-compromised or age 70+ there is really nothing to fear here.

[Anonymous]

Put all the teachers and students in masks and send them back to school this Fall.
The entire economic system of America depends on it.
Workers can't work unless their kids are in school learning all day.
- working mom of 4.

[Anonymous]

Of course school is childcare. Suggesting otherwise is ridiculous.

Those people sound obnoxious. Limit your time with them and DEFINITELY don’t do them any favors like educating their kids all day for free!

[Anonymous]

I think your sister and bil kind of flew off the handle because sometimes that is a way to teach non-mainstream ideas such as religion based science. Even if you were not intending to include religious material they just want to be far from that.

Either way I think when kids in your house, you can do the schooling whatever way you want to do it. I’m guessing they are not thrilled with the arrangement although they will take it because you are so willing to do it.

For both of your sakes, to preserve the relationship and guard against future conflicts, tell your sister you are too tired physically and you need a day off at least one day or more per week. Let them watch their own kid while they work like the rest of the country who work while watching their kids.

I’m sure you want to be appreciated but sad fact is, they are not as appreciative of your work as you think they should be. Siblings need good fences too. Help them out a little but don’t do all the work and get blamed later. I’ve seen it happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course school is childcare. Suggesting otherwise is ridiculous.

No. School serves as childcare for a lot of families (including mine, back when my kids needed supervision), but that is a lucky accident. It happens to be the case that for most kids, education works better when kids are in school away from home, being educated by professionals, without the parents around. That frees parents to do whatever they want with their time during school hours.

But there are times when school can't safely open, because of power outages or snowstorms or pandemics. And in those cases, the school system is not obligated to figure out your childcare for you.

If your kid attends, say, therapy once a week, and the therapist says you should leave for the duration so you usually run errands or get a pedicure, that doesn't mean the therapist has to find you a sitter on weeks when there's no therapy. Having someone else supervise your kid for that hour is a thing that happens because of therapy, not the purpose of therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course school is childcare. Suggesting otherwise is ridiculous.

No. School serves as childcare for a lot of families (including mine, back when my kids needed supervision), but that is a lucky accident. It happens to be the case that for most kids, education works better when kids are in school away from home, being educated by professionals, without the parents around. That frees parents to do whatever they want with their time during school hours.

But there are times when school can't safely open, because of power outages or snowstorms or pandemics. And in those cases, the school system is not obligated to figure out your childcare for you.

If your kid attends, say, therapy once a week, and the therapist says you should leave for the duration so you usually run errands or get a pedicure, that doesn't mean the therapist has to find you a sitter on weeks when there's no therapy. Having someone else supervise your kid for that hour is a thing that happens because of therapy, not the purpose of therapy. [/quote

This is the best explanation I've read on this thread. Agree 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course school is childcare. Suggesting otherwise is ridiculous.

No. School serves as childcare for a lot of families (including mine, back when my kids needed supervision), but that is a lucky accident. It happens to be the case that for most kids, education works better when kids are in school away from home, being educated by professionals, without the parents around. That frees parents to do whatever they want with their time during school hours.

But there are times when school can't safely open, because of power outages or snowstorms or pandemics. And in those cases, the school system is not obligated to figure out your childcare for you.

If your kid attends, say, therapy once a week, and the therapist says you should leave for the duration so you usually run errands or get a pedicure, that doesn't mean the therapist has to find you a sitter on weeks when there's no therapy. Having someone else supervise your kid for that hour is a thing that happens because of therapy, not the purpose of therapy.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

School isn't childcare but it serves that function for some students whose parents work and they are too young to be home alone. For older students or students with a parent or two at home, school doesn't need to serve the child care function.

[Anonymous]

There may be more going on here.

1. OP says her BIL is making $400,000 a year in construction. My hunch is that he isn't making anything near that right now because there is a lot less construction going on. If he has his own construction company, he may be struggling to pay his workers or, even if he's furloughed them, to pay for their benefits to continue. And lots of non-profits are shedding staff and/or cutting pay. So, maybe the sister and brother in law are under more financial pressure than OP realizes.

2. I have had some wonderful nannies who were absolutely great with my kids, but whom I would never have dreamed of asking to educate my kids. Sometimes this was because the nanny wasn't all that well educated herself. Sometimes it was because they had some beliefs which differ from my own. Even in hiring a nanny, I would make it clear what my own religious beliefs are and explain that --while I didn't care what the nanny believed--she wasn't to discuss her beliefs with my kids or express any negatives about my beliefs with them. But when it comes to the curriculum, these differences can become extremely important. And sometimes it is the subject matter.




Maybe one sister thinks that children should have formal sex education explaining 'the facts of life" by the age of 7, while the other thinks that is too young. Maybe one sister thinks 7 year olds should learn about the Holocaust and the other thinks it can wait. Maybe one sister includes "classics" in teaching literature which the other thinks are racist or sexist. (My daughter's best friend loved Pippi Longstocking books; some of them are racist. I like Wilde's The Happy Prince; a Jewish friend thinks it is anti-Semitic.) Or maybe the OP believes in "unschooling" and BIL is adamantly opposed.