Boyfriend with strange views

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re asking for us to tell you he’s wrong and you’re right. I used to do that in relationships too. But it doesn’t work that way. All that matters is finding someone whose ways work for YOU. He’s not working for you. You need to break up with him. There’s no right or wrong here.

We, YEAH there is; her BF is loony tunes. C’mon.

[Anonymous]

OP, what could you possibly get from this relationship that you've stayed 2 years?

your "boyfriend" has extremely rigid and unusual views of relationships that pretty much excludes intimacy, affection, growth or anything 'normal.' seems intensely, excessively emotionally repressed and repressing.

That being said, you have put ip with it for two years, so I am guessing you have some internal work to do as well. child of divorce? withholding parents? deeply insecure?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re asking for us to tell you he’s wrong and you’re right. I used to do that in relationships too. But it doesn’t work that way. All that matters is finding someone whose ways work for YOU. He’s not working for you. You need to break up with him. There’s no right or wrong here.

Gonna go out on a limb here and say this statement is false. There are sometimes just unhealthy people who are unfit for relationships. Men who abuse women aren't just "not working for" their partners. They are inherently damaged people and *bad* partners. This guy is the same. He may not have raised a hand to her, but he is just as unhealthy. There is no one who should be subjected to his antics. There's no partner he would "work for".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As they say, if someone isn’t married by 37, there’s a problem. Run, don’t walk, away from this weird weirdo.

Did OP's boyfriend find this thread? The first part reads like an item from the problem list of behaviors, although the second part is oddly self aware.

This is dcum the home of the liberal elite transplants with weirdo ideas. Are we supposed to settle for just anyone by 37? No wonder so many unhappy angry people on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never known anyone like this, and I'm wondering if you guys could tell me if I just had a small circle and these people are prevalent, or if he truly is unusual.

My boyfriend. We have been dating for over 2 years. He's 37, and I'm 32. He feels as though his beliefs are entirely normal and healthy. Some of them include:

- After an argument or discussion, you need to punish your partner with distance and a lack of intimacy to discourage arguments in the future. Otherwise, there are no incentives for "better behavior".
- "Healthy couples" don't talk about their needs or things that bother them because they don't have any. Ever. If you have an emotional need or something on your mind, it's a sign the relationship is in trouble.
- Saying "I love you" too often diminishes the meaning of it. It should be said sparingly and not just thrown around, like when you're getting off a phone call.
- Sex is an indulgence, and it'll lose it's enjoyment if you splurge by doing it too often, like eating chocolate cake.
- If there's a problem in the relationship and it really bothers one or both of you, it's inconsiderate to even address it with your partner and burden them with it. If their normal activities annoy you, you're just not meant to be together. Even if they have no idea it's annoying to you.
- If a partner asks to discuss moving in together, it's a complaint and should be treated as a fight. If a partner asks to have more sex because it's really enjoyable, it's a complaint and should be treated as a fight. If a partner asks if you've been feeling sad lately, it's a complaint and should be treated as a fight.
- Anxiety, even if it's extreme and detrimental to the relationship, is just a normal part of who you are and doesn't need to be changed or treated.
- The best marriages are formed by two people who have the same hobbies and like to do the same fun things together. There doesn't need to be physical or emotional connection. As long as you have a fun time together doing activities, that's the important part of a successful marriage. It's 100% about having someone to do fun things with.

I'm at my wits' end. He laughs at me-- literally guffaws in front of me-- when I tell him these views are quite unhealthy and standard relationship views. I don't even know what I'm asking. I guess I am just so tired of him telling me all of THIS ^^^ is the way it is, I just need someone to tell me he's incorrect.

He sounds like he could be gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never known anyone like this, and I'm wondering if you guys could tell me if I just had a small circle and these people are prevalent, or if he truly is unusual.

My boyfriend. We have been dating for over 2 years. He's 37, and I'm 32. He feels as though his beliefs are entirely normal and healthy. Some of them include:

- After an argument or discussion, you need to punish your partner with distance and a lack of intimacy to discourage arguments in the future. Otherwise, there are no incentives for "better behavior".
- "Healthy couples" don't talk about their needs or things that bother them because they don't have any. Ever. If you have an emotional need or something on your mind, it's a sign the relationship is in trouble.
- Saying "I love you" too often diminishes the meaning of it. It should be said sparingly and not just thrown around, like when you're getting off a phone call.
- Sex is an indulgence, and it'll lose it's enjoyment if you splurge by doing it too often, like eating chocolate cake.
- If there's a problem in the relationship and it really bothers one or both of you, it's inconsiderate to even address it with your partner and burden them with it. If their normal activities annoy you, you're just not meant to be together. Even if they have no idea it's annoying to you.
- If a partner asks to discuss moving in together, it's a complaint and should be treated as a fight. If a partner asks to have more sex because it's really enjoyable, it's a complaint and should be treated as a fight. If a partner asks if you've been feeling sad lately, it's a complaint and should be treated as a fight.
- Anxiety, even if it's extreme and detrimental to the relationship, is just a normal part of who you are and doesn't need to be changed or treated.
- The best marriages are formed by two people who have the same hobbies and like to do the same fun things together. There doesn't need to be physical or emotional connection. As long as you have a fun time together doing activities, that's the important part of a successful marriage. It's 100% about having someone to do fun things with.

I'm at my wits' end. He laughs at me-- literally guffaws in front of me-- when I tell him these views are quite unhealthy and standard relationship views. I don't even know what I'm asking. I guess I am just so tired of him telling me all of THIS ^^^ is the way it is, I just need someone to tell me he's incorrect.

He sounds like he could be gay.

What makes you think that? He just sounds cold and rigid to me.