It’s official. Your kids are out of control people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was a kid I remember kids playing with lighter fluid and matches - in elementary school! The difference is, there were no parents anywhere in sight. Someone found the lighter fluid in their garage, someone else found a lighter, someone else had some trash to burn and off we went. All kids 5 to 10 in a good neighborhood in an UMC area.

The difference now is that kids are rarely alone to get into trouble - there’s always an adult around. The smug parents on this board didn’t know half the things their “well behaved” kids were doing.

They sent their kids outside in the morning and told them to come back at lunch and dinner time. Whatever mischief the kids got into was not their problem...

Yes, we did all sorts of stuff outside of the eye of adults.

Kids these days are undersocialized because every moment is planned and monitored by an adult.

Do you actually have kids, or are you just a bitter old person?

I have a kid and--guess what--kids in my neighborhood run around all the time without adult supervision.

My guess is the last kids you were around were grandkids.

I have kids, but since I work from home, they're not in after care. Which means they have no other neighborhood kids to run around with.

And I'm not at all sure you remember your childhood if you think your kids are learning the same life lessons today that you did. Did you see the thread a while back about kids who used to play with fire? Kids don't do that nowadays. They're much too helicoptered to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was a kid I remember kids playing with lighter fluid and matches - in elementary school! The difference is, there were no parents anywhere in sight. Someone found the lighter fluid in their garage, someone else found a lighter, someone else had some trash to burn and off we went. All kids 5 to 10 in a good neighborhood in an UMC area.

The difference now is that kids are rarely alone to get into trouble - there’s always an adult around. The smug parents on this board didn’t know half the things their “well behaved” kids were doing.

They sent their kids outside in the morning and told them to come back at lunch and dinner time. Whatever mischief the kids got into was not their problem...

Yes, we did all sorts of stuff outside of the eye of adults.

Kids these days are undersocialized because every moment is planned and monitored by an adult.

Do you actually have kids, or are you just a bitter old person?

I have a kid and--guess what--kids in my neighborhood run around all the time without adult supervision.

My guess is the last kids you were around were grandkids.

I have kids, but since I work from home, they're not in after care. Which means they have no other neighborhood kids to run around with.

And I'm not at all sure you remember your childhood if you think your kids are learning the same life lessons today that you did. Did you see the thread a while back about kids who used to play with fire? Kids don't do that nowadays. They're much too helicoptered to do that.

Are you advocating kids playing with fire unsupervised?

My dad played with his dad's blowtorch in the garage unsupervised. He's not such an idiot as to think that was a good idea in retrospect.

[Anonymous]

Oh and I'm not talking about after care -- I'm talking about kids running around the neighborhood unsupervised. After care is still supervised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At a class- climbing up a padded pole and then standing on the padding. The staff has to tell the kid to climb down. At a playgroup- a kid is hurling some duplo blocks onto a wood floor so hard that they break and fly everywhere. At a holiday party- a kid going from adult to adult and hitting them with a shoe. At another event holiday party, a child receives a board game and shrieks to the gift giver “I don’t LIKE games” and then proceeds to kick the wrapping paper at the gift giver. At all of the events- the parents did...nothing. I know kids misbehave but is it somehow out of fashion to say “Larlo stop it.” Or “Larlo if you do that again xx consequence will happen”?

Sad, sad, sad. Overtired and neglectful parents out there.

[Anonymous]

The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households.

- Socrates

But yes -- this is surely new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys know there is a middle ground between passively watching a child hit an adult with a shoe and screaming at them and threatening/following through on violence, right?

PP absolutely but when you see that, your own rambunctious little one doesn’t seem so bad in comparison. So you let stuff go that you should not. My kid never did anything that extreme but I still fell into the “developmentally normal” trap instead of immediately correcting wild behavior. So while I may at first judge playground mom with 4 kids who corrects her kids for playing with swings the wrong way...she’s probably right or closer to it than me.
Developmentally normal still belongs on a short leash. Parents are only hearing “it’s normal.” We are not communicating how to shape and mold behavior.

OP back - so - maybe there IS a parenting shift taking place - it is not just me ranting here. Has the pendulum now swung so that people judge the mom for correcting the kid? To put it differently, if I see my kid acting poorly in gymnastics, and I go in and tell him to listen to the instructor or we are leaving, are people judging me for that?

Nanny here. Yes, there has been a shift.

This is why I ask extensive questions during interviews. I advocate self-control, self-discipline, built through constructive discipline that builds a child’s self-esteem and allows them to understand boundaries.

Yes, I’ve had random people who told me I’m too strict. OTOH, I’ve had strangers tell me I’m too uninvolved. My view is this: my job is to help them develop into competent adults, and that means understanding social cues and expectations. If an adult chooses to shrug social expectations, that’s their choose, but it’s the distinction between choice and ignorance. My charges will be able to choose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys know there is a middle ground between passively watching a child hit an adult with a shoe and screaming at them and threatening/following through on violence, right?

PP absolutely but when you see that, your own rambunctious little one doesn’t seem so bad in comparison. So you let stuff go that you should not. My kid never did anything that extreme but I still fell into the “developmentally normal” trap instead of immediately correcting wild behavior. So while I may at first judge playground mom with 4 kids who corrects her kids for playing with swings the wrong way...she’s probably right or closer to it than me.
Developmentally normal still belongs on a short leash. Parents are only hearing “it’s normal.” We are not communicating how to shape and mold behavior.

OP back - so - maybe there IS a parenting shift taking place - it is not just me ranting here. Has the pendulum now swung so that people judge the mom for correcting the kid? To put it differently, if I see my kid acting poorly in gymnastics, and I go in and tell him to listen to the instructor or we are leaving, are people judging me for that?

Nanny here. Yes, there has been a shift.

This is why I ask extensive questions during interviews. I advocate self-control, self-discipline, built through constructive discipline that builds a child’s self-esteem and allows them to understand boundaries.

Yes, I’ve had random people who told me I’m too strict. OTOH, I’ve had strangers tell me I’m too uninvolved. My view is this: my job is to help them develop into competent adults, and that means understanding social cues and expectations. If an adult chooses to shrug social expectations, that’s their choose, but it’s the distinction between choice and ignorance. My charges will be able to choose.

Well said. So often the nannies have become the responsible adults, as the doting parents have outsourced their primary responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys know there is a middle ground between passively watching a child hit an adult with a shoe and screaming at them and threatening/following through on violence, right?

PP absolutely but when you see that, your own rambunctious little one doesn’t seem so bad in comparison. So you let stuff go that you should not. My kid never did anything that extreme but I still fell into the “developmentally normal” trap instead of immediately correcting wild behavior. So while I may at first judge playground mom with 4 kids who corrects her kids for playing with swings the wrong way...she’s probably right or closer to it than me.
Developmentally normal still belongs on a short leash. Parents are only hearing “it’s normal.” We are not communicating how to shape and mold behavior.

OP back - so - maybe there IS a parenting shift taking place - it is not just me ranting here. Has the pendulum now swung so that people judge the mom for correcting the kid? To put it differently, if I see my kid acting poorly in gymnastics, and I go in and tell him to listen to the instructor or we are leaving, are people judging me for that?

Nanny here. Yes, there has been a shift.

This is why I ask extensive questions during interviews. I advocate self-control, self-discipline, built through constructive discipline that builds a child’s self-esteem and allows them to understand boundaries.

Yes, I’ve had random people who told me I’m too strict. OTOH, I’ve had strangers tell me I’m too uninvolved. My view is this: my job is to help them develop into competent adults, and that means understanding social cues and expectations. If an adult chooses to shrug social expectations, that’s their choose, but it’s the distinction between choice and ignorance. My charges will be able to choose.

Well said. So often the nannies have become the responsible adults, as the doting parents have outsourced their primary responsibilities.

Ah, yes. And this is surely new as well. For we have never had parents outsource their responsibility to nannies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adults are not allowed to correct children anymore. See the thread "Am I not supposed to talk to other people's kids". It's absurd.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/15/846670.page

At BE even the teachers are not allowed to correct the kids. Totally weird.

But they can correct their OWN children right?!

My kids get "counseling sessions" in the classroom periodically where the counselors teach the kids what behavior of their parents is "reportable." No shit, they teach KIDS how to report their own parents. If they are teaching people what behavior is not acceptable, I would imagine teaching the parents would be a much better way to go about it. They are just further undermining the idea that adults have authority over children. Kids are not responsible for making sure parents follow the rules. Sheesh.

What are you doing that makes you so worried about being reported, PP? Or have you already been reported?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adults are not allowed to correct children anymore. See the thread "Am I not supposed to talk to other people's kids". It's absurd.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/15/846670.page

At BE even the teachers are not allowed to correct the kids. Totally weird.

But they can correct their OWN children right?!

My kids get "counseling sessions" in the classroom periodically where the counselors teach the kids what behavior of their parents is "reportable." No shit, they teach KIDS how to report their own parents. If they are teaching people what behavior is not acceptable, I would imagine teaching the parents would be a much better way to go about it. They are just further undermining the idea that adults have authority over children. Kids are not responsible for making sure parents follow the rules. Sheesh.

What are you doing that makes you so worried about being reported, PP? Or have you already been reported?

You are literally accusing this poster of abuse without ANY facts whatsoever. Maybe that kind of careless, aggressive, “jump to conclusions” mindset is worrying for a parent. Especially when it risks the wellbeing of their family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys know there is a middle ground between passively watching a child hit an adult with a shoe and screaming at them and threatening/following through on violence, right?

PP absolutely but when you see that, your own rambunctious little one doesn’t seem so bad in comparison. So you let stuff go that you should not. My kid never did anything that extreme but I still fell into the “developmentally normal” trap instead of immediately correcting wild behavior. So while I may at first judge playground mom with 4 kids who corrects her kids for playing with swings the wrong way...she’s probably right or closer to it than me.
Developmentally normal still belongs on a short leash. Parents are only hearing “it’s normal.” We are not communicating how to shape and mold behavior.

OP back - so - maybe there IS a parenting shift taking place - it is not just me ranting here. Has the pendulum now swung so that people judge the mom for correcting the kid? To put it differently, if I see my kid acting poorly in gymnastics, and I go in and tell him to listen to the instructor or we are leaving, are people judging me for that?

Yes. Don't do that. That's the instructors job and it distracts your kid and all the other kids too, when you do that.

Talk to your child before and after. If they screw around instead of staying on task, maybe they’re not ready for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys know there is a middle ground between passively watching a child hit an adult with a shoe and screaming at them and threatening/following through on violence, right?

PP absolutely but when you see that, your own rambunctious little one doesn’t seem so bad in comparison. So you let stuff go that you should not. My kid never did anything that extreme but I still fell into the “developmentally normal” trap instead of immediately correcting wild behavior. So while I may at first judge playground mom with 4 kids who corrects her kids for playing with swings the wrong way...she’s probably right or closer to it than me.
Developmentally normal still belongs on a short leash. Parents are only hearing “it’s normal.” We are not communicating how to shape and mold behavior.

OP back - so - maybe there IS a parenting shift taking place - it is not just me ranting here. Has the pendulum now swung so that people judge the mom for correcting the kid? To put it differently, if I see my kid acting poorly in gymnastics, and I go in and tell him to listen to the instructor or we are leaving, are people judging me for that?

Nanny here. Yes, there has been a shift.

This is why I ask extensive questions during interviews. I advocate self-control, self-discipline, built through constructive discipline that builds a child’s self-esteem and allows them to understand boundaries.

Yes, I’ve had random people who told me I’m too strict. OTOH, I’ve had strangers tell me I’m too uninvolved. My view is this: my job is to help them develop into competent adults, and that means understanding social cues and expectations. If an adult chooses to shrug social expectations, that’s their choose, but it’s the distinction between choice and ignorance. My charges will be able to choose.

Well said. So often the nannies have become the responsible adults, as the doting parents have outsourced their primary responsibilities.

Ah, yes. And this is surely new as well. For we have never had parents outsource their responsibility to nannies.

My point (nanny again) is that interview extensively to find an employer who agrees with children having boundaries, whether they around enough to help the children learn social behavior or whether it’s just me. I don’t judge parents based on who much they have to work, but I definitely do, especially when I hear a parent tell me that their child’s choices matter most. No, I’m not working for an adult who lets one child’s choice to hit another child or break another child’s toy take precedence over the choice of the child who doesn’t want to be hurt or have their things damaged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households.

- Socrates

But yes -- this is surely new.

Not new, but also not an actual quote by Socrates or Plato. https://quoteinvestigator.com/2010/05/01/misbehave/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households.

- Socrates

But yes -- this is surely new.

Exactly. I don't know if kids are worse, I think we're just old farts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households.

- Socrates

But yes -- this is surely new.

"90% of quotations on the Internet are made up."

- Abraham Lincoln