It’s official. Your kids are out of control people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally agree. It's like being held hostage -- parents won't say anything and YOU'RE not allowed to say anything to THEIR precious kids, either.

True, but one of the advantages of being/appearing very old is that you can stop giving a damn and start scaring the bratty kids! What are they gonna do really?

+1 I met someone recently at a planning meeting at my home who had needed to bring her 3 1/2 year old. It was informal, he entertained himself with some activities she brought, it was fine ... until it was time to leave. Kid didn't want to go, mom is negotiating. Kid starts throwing things, mom is telling him that's not how we handle toys. Kid head butts me hard in the legs, mom tells him that's not nice. Kid get evil look, whirls around, grabs a completed lego off my shelf, and throws it to the ground. Mom is still negotiating from 6 feet away. Just as he winds up to do a full sweep of the shelf into my face, I grabbed his hands. Mom finally comes to get him saying how hard it is to control kids, excuse, excuse. I'm just thinking - no it's not, just pick him the f0ck up! You are three times his size and handle horses. Good grief!

Saw him again in a couple different settings after this, and he would randomly walk up to adults and hit them or punch them. She seemed to think this was normal. Yikes.

as a parent with medical issues, it is impossible for me to pick up my child and whisk them off. You wouldn't know it by looking at me, but I do feel like I am judged. I have to do things differently---and it may not be instantaneous, but that's just the way it is for my family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Glad I was able to raise my kids in an era when it was still okay to snatch a brat up and threaten to beat the shit out of them if they didn't sit down.

Condolences to all the parents who would be shamed and branded social outcasts for doing such a thing nowadays.

Yes, child abuse was so much fun

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad I was able to raise my kids in an era when it was still okay to snatch a brat up and threaten to beat the shit out of them if they didn't sit down.

Condolences to all the parents who would be shamed and branded social outcasts for doing such a thing nowadays.

Yes, child abuse was so much fun

I was corporally punishes, do not feel as if I was ever even CLOSE to abused, and love my parents very much to this day.

Be a parent.

[Anonymous]

Oh yeah, the boomers did such a great job with the millennials. LOL. Gen X is doing a much better job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad I was able to raise my kids in an era when it was still okay to snatch a brat up and threaten to beat the shit out of them if they didn't sit down.

Condolences to all the parents who would be shamed and branded social outcasts for doing such a thing nowadays.

Yes, child abuse was so much fun

I was corporally punishes, do not feel as if I was ever even CLOSE to abused, and love my parents very much to this day.

Be a parent.

"snatch a brat up" "threaten to beat the shit out" = abusive behavior. Glad you love your parents, but the research is clear that these behaviors are harmful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been a teacher for over 20 years and am raising a family of my own. I have noticed a shift. Some good, some great, mostly bad. Parents have outsourced so much of their parenting. So many children are being raised by nannies, aftercare, 10 hours of daycare from birth and it's just not the same as a consistent, loving family member invested in their future. The parents hang on every moment at soccer or gymnastics (the activities have never been better). This time should be used as productive time for the parents instead. That way, when the child is through, the distraction is over and the family can spend time. But, no, the parents micromanage the unimportant things. Then feel guilty ignoring them to do what could have been done while the kids were occupied.

Parents are terrified of tantrums and let the child be in charge. Children need boundaries and overindulgence is the worst thing for kids. I get so many calls from parents trying to plow a way for their kids that have nothing to do with what the kid wants or needs. (I think they should play varsity, no they have never played soccer before,). On the other hand, kids now have no concept of the biases of previous generations. So, as long as these kids as young adult can get out of their safe spaces, function without their parents, and leave the emotional support llama at home...society will be ok.

This is so well said...and right.

Pp, what a rude post. Everyone can not afford for one parent to stay home these days. I will be happy to quit my job if you would like to match my salary, benefits etc. since you feel so strongly about it.

NP - I don’t think the earlier poster necessarily meant one parent needs to stay at home; I agree with what they were saying (unless that was what they intended). My take is that so many parents we meet through school and in our neighborhood spend so much time working, commuting, and then doing what they have to do (errands, exercise, etc), their kids spend the bulk of the week in childcare, which I think is just par for the course in this area (though we know equal numbers of parents who stagger schedules). But I think the point is, then on the weekend, instead of doing house chores and hanging out as a family and interacting to teach manners and behavior appropriate to various situations, most families are completely over scheduled with activities, classes, brunch and scheduled play dates. My husband and I both work, but for us, a lot of our parenting comes by hanging out/unstructured time with the kids on the weekend both in guiding them on rules and manners, but also just connecting with them. I think you lose out on this if you are constantly going going going. For us, The kids test out naughty behavior at home, where there are consequences but they feel safe; they also just need relax time so they don’t burn out. I also think they need informal hangouts or get togethers to learn and practice social skills (not classes or engineered play dates) so they know how to behave in more formal situations, but In our neighborhood it’s really hard to get together with people last minute or have our kids run down the street to see who is around. And it is also true that many parents we know alternate the humble brag/my kids are so cute conversations with the eye rolling, “so hard to handle, throw them a screen and give me some wine, you know what I mean” commiseration. I don’t necessarily think this is widespread; I am from the west coast and when I visit family back home the families we socialize it’s are much more relaxed. I think it is a function of the DMV lifestyle where people have long hours, terrible commutes and (in Arlington anyway) compete to be the busiest. It’s definitely possible, though, to be a 2 income household and still connect with and actually parent your kids; but I agree that at least around here it seems that those families are fewer and farther between. Probably because they are at home relaxing and hanging out!

You can come and hang with us in Vienna! We are exactly like you describe. Minimal structure on weekends, mostly hanging out at home or playground or day trip and maybe attending a get-together with family/friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe five-year-old are brattier, I don't know. I am not around enough kids that age to know. But I am around teens and tweens a lot, and I think they are markedly kinder and nicer than previous generations. I wonder if people like OP are more likely to raise the mean kids, because they learn judgmental behavior from the cradle.

I don't know, but what I see are kids who are in general noticeably kinder than previous generations -- and than their parents. Something has changed for the better.

This is what I have seen too. I have a tween and teen and even when I worked in a high school up to a couple of years ago - the kids were so nice. They are much kinder and more empathetic than previous generations - definitely nicer than when I was a tween and teen, that is for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are two income household and still
Manage to run a tight ship. I would never let my kid act they way OP described in first post. I also don’t allow electronics/screens of any sort at the table, not even in restaurants. My other pet peeve when people do this and say it’s because their kid has special needs. I do t care if I come across as old school. I’m from the south and we mean business when it comes to manners, and monogramming and thank you notes. Kid will thank me later.

I'm from the South too, and have raised kids with lovely manners as this was a priority.

My favorite expression is "there but for the Grace of God go I".

[Anonymous]

Very few families actually need two income earners.

Maybe in your bubble!!! The vast majority of America has to have 2 incomes, just to avoid losing their housing and to have food on the table.

No, the vast majority of America will not lose their house or starve if they had to go to one income. Do you know what vast majority means? Yes, there are a lot of people who need the second income, but that's not what you said. Also, many of those would not need the second income if they chose to live within their means. People buy more house than they should, new cars too often, charge every whim etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Very few families actually need two income earners.

Maybe in your bubble!!! The vast majority of America has to have 2 incomes, just to avoid losing their housing and to have food on the table.

No, the vast majority of America will not lose their house or starve if they had to go to one income. Do you know what vast majority means? Yes, there are a lot of people who need the second income, but that's not what you said. Also, many of those would not need the second income if they chose to live within their means. People buy more house than they should, new cars too often, charge every whim etc.

Do you understand that the majority of Americans (I’d say 50 to over 75%) certainly WOULD lose their home if they went to just one income. You live in a bubble. Try looking outside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Very few families actually need two income earners.

Maybe in your bubble!!! The vast majority of America has to have 2 incomes, just to avoid losing their housing and to have food on the table.

No, the vast majority of America will not lose their house or starve if they had to go to one income. Do you know what vast majority means? Yes, there are a lot of people who need the second income, but that's not what you said. Also, many of those would not need the second income if they chose to live within their means. People buy more house than they should, new cars too often, charge every whim etc.

Uh, 6/10 Americans don’t have $500 in savings. And, no, it’s not because they’re profligate. People earning the median income can no longer afford the median priced new home, and they barely qualify for the median priced existing home —if they don’t have medical or educational debt. The average new car price is 61 percent of the US median income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Very few families actually need two income earners.

Maybe in your bubble!!! The vast majority of America has to have 2 incomes, just to avoid losing their housing and to have food on the table.

No, the vast majority of America will not lose their house or starve if they had to go to one income. Do you know what vast majority means? Yes, there are a lot of people who need the second income, but that's not what you said. Also, many of those would not need the second income if they chose to live within their means. People buy more house than they should, new cars too often, charge every whim etc.

Uh, 6/10 Americans don’t have $500 in savings. And, no, it’s not because they’re profligate. People earning the median income can no longer afford the median priced new home, and they barely qualify for the median priced existing home —if they don’t have medical or educational debt. The average new car price is 61 percent of the US median income.

I grew up in the Midwest. Nobody has money to burn, not even the doctor. They lived in a decent house, but it’s decent, not spectacular. And the percentage of families who are scraping by, even with two incomes? Most of the families keeping their heads above water have one or both of the parents working a second job. Teens usually contribute to the family when they work, instead of divvying their money up between savings and spending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe five-year-old are brattier, I don't know. I am not around enough kids that age to know. But I am around teens and tweens a lot, and I think they are markedly kinder and nicer than previous generations. I wonder if people like OP are more likely to raise the mean kids, because they learn judgmental behavior from the cradle.

I don't know, but what I see are kids who are in general noticeably kinder than previous generations -- and than their parents. Something has changed for the better.

This is what I have seen too. I have a tween and teen and even when I worked in a high school up to a couple of years ago - the kids were so nice. They are much kinder and more empathetic than previous generations - definitely nicer than when I was a tween and teen, that is for sure.

My grandma used to say that every parent had at least a few hard years with each kid, but which particular years were hard varied. I wonder if the way children are raised these days (obviously very generally speaking) leads to kinder, more empathetic teens, but more unruly younger kids. I don't know, but I think the general sweetness and empathy of today's teens is striking. Something is going right there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Very few families actually need two income earners.

Maybe in your bubble!!! The vast majority of America has to have 2 incomes, just to avoid losing their housing and to have food on the table.

No, the vast majority of America will not lose their house or starve if they had to go to one income. Do you know what vast majority means? Yes, there are a lot of people who need the second income, but that's not what you said. Also, many of those would not need the second income if they chose to live within their means. People buy more house than they should, new cars too often, charge every whim etc.

you are clueless. Have you seen what medical bills are doing to destroy families financially? Medical bills are the number one cause of bankruptcy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally agree. It's like being held hostage -- parents won't say anything and YOU'RE not allowed to say anything to THEIR precious kids, either.

True, but one of the advantages of being/appearing very old is that you can stop giving a damn and start scaring the bratty kids! What are they gonna do really?

+1 I met someone recently at a planning meeting at my home who had needed to bring her 3 1/2 year old. It was informal, he entertained himself with some activities she brought, it was fine ... until it was time to leave. Kid didn't want to go, mom is negotiating. Kid starts throwing things, mom is telling him that's not how we handle toys. Kid head butts me hard in the legs, mom tells him that's not nice. Kid get evil look, whirls around, grabs a completed lego off my shelf, and throws it to the ground. Mom is still negotiating from 6 feet away. Just as he winds up to do a full sweep of the shelf into my face, I grabbed his hands. Mom finally comes to get him saying how hard it is to control kids, excuse, excuse. I'm just thinking - no it's not, just pick him the f0ck up! You are three times his size and handle horses. Good grief!

Saw him again in a couple different settings after this, and he would randomly walk up to adults and hit them or punch them. She seemed to think this was normal. Yikes.

as a parent with medical issues, it is impossible for me to pick up my child and whisk them off. You wouldn't know it by looking at me, but I do feel like I am judged. I have to do things differently---and it may not be instantaneous, but that's just the way it is for my family

Different is fine but letting you kid misbehave and do nothing is not ok. You may not be able to pick your kid up but you an use a stroller, ask someone for help, etc. Or, if your kid behaves that way, they stay home.