Marriage at 17, solely for emancipation purposes. Crazy idea?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assumed the OP was the BF of the girl and was seeking advice given the idea proposed and the absolute belief in authority that the police and lawyer “told her she could go to jail”

I’m not her BF. I’m a relative. No one, other than her father, told her she was going to go to jail. She and her mother were told that the custody order would be enforced by the police. It’s a civil matter, which I believe means only a judge can decide if someone needed to be arrested for not following it.

Of course her abusive father told her she was going to jail.

I hope you find her, and when you do, you and her mother need to tell her you won't force her to go to her father's, period. If the police show up, don't open the door. They can't enter without a warrant. If she happens to be somewhere else, even better. If her father shows up, call 911 and file the protective order.

Also, start googling - it took me five seconds to find this - instructions on how to file a protective order in the state of Florida on grounds of domestic violence:

https://www.flcourts.org/content/download/403225/3457684/980a.pdf

[Anonymous]

Just tell her to say the father tried to rape her. She’ll be 18 before they sort it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her to say the father tried to rape her. She’ll be 18 before they sort it out.

Terrible advice, obviously.

[Anonymous]

OP, what would happen if she ran away to stay at some undisclosed place for a few months, to return when she is 18?

Do you think she would be arrested when she returns? No.

Do you think she couldn't keep her mouth shut about where she was (friend's house, distant cousin, youth shelter in another city)? But if she can't handle that, you think she can handle a sham marriage?

[Anonymous]

At 17, I also would have run away if I thought there was a plan to marry me off rather than hire a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Not living with the custodial parent is just a status offense, she just needs to lay low until her birthday. Marrying someone should not even be part of the discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
When can't she refuse to go with her father? Call the judge herself to day she is being abused by him, call police if he comes near her, ask for a restraining order?

The father can send the police to pick her up if she doesn’t show up for visitation. She can’t call anyone when it’s happening. He won’t allow her access to a phone. The police said she can request a restraining order only after provable threats or additional injuries.

What state? I don’t think this is true. She should see a family lawyer and request a protective order.

[Anonymous]

OP said Florida.

[Anonymous]

The poor girl! I can't believe all these people saying she should "just run away and stay there till she turns 18".

My son is almost 18 right now and my heart breaks at thinking of him needing to leave his home, and school, and friends, and job, and everything he knows, to go sleep on someone's couch because I was unable to protect him from an abusive father.

[Anonymous]

Worked for my grandmother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The poor girl! I can't believe all these people saying she should "just run away and stay there till she turns 18".

My son is almost 18 right now and my heart breaks at thinking of him needing to leave his home, and school, and friends, and job, and everything he knows, to go sleep on someone's couch because I was unable to protect him from an abusive father.

People are saying that in response to the mother’s inability to protect her and OP wanting to marry her off to “a friend”.

I’m sure you would do everything in your power to protect your son except marry him off to a grown woman. At that point, couch-surfing would seem like the more logical alternative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The poor girl! I can't believe all these people saying she should "just run away and stay there till she turns 18".

My son is almost 18 right now and my heart breaks at thinking of him needing to leave his home, and school, and friends, and job, and everything he knows, to go sleep on someone's couch because I was unable to protect him from an abusive father.

People are saying that in response to the mother’s inability to protect her and OP wanting to marry her off to “a friend”.

I’m sure you would do everything in your power to protect your son except marry him off to a grown woman. At that point, couch-surfing would seem like the more logical alternative.

Right. She's almost 18. It's not that uncommon for high school seniors with bad home situations to go live with a friend for a while. Happened in my family. It can be a healthy choice, actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Worked for my grandmother.

Both my grandmothers were child brides. It worked for one. For the other, it was the beginning of years of abuse and exploitation that warped her sense of what a child should or not do. As a result, by the time I was 8, she was comfortable with allowing her husband to sexually abuse me in her home.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Again, the marriage idea was only for a paper marriage until she’s 18. That would allow her to stay with her mother, and not have to go to her father’s house. It’s perfectly legal, as long as she isn’t doing it for someone who needs a green card. Obviously, we wouldn’t do that.

We’re working on other ways to help her. She’s not being terribly cooperative, and we are all doing our best. This is a very difficult situation for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Again, the marriage idea was only for a paper marriage until she’s 18. That would allow her to stay with her mother, and not have to go to her father’s house. It’s perfectly legal, as long as she isn’t doing it for someone who needs a green card. Obviously, we wouldn’t do that.

We’re working on other ways to help her. She’s not being terribly cooperative, and we are all doing our best. This is a very difficult situation for everyone.

If she’s not being cooperative, maybe she perceives the situation differently than you do.