Marriage at 17, solely for emancipation purposes. Crazy idea?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


OP, why are you so reluctant to seek actual legal help for this girl? Stop making assumptions and ask actual legal professionals. Seek out a lawyer and a GAL if you really want to help her.

Well, it doesn’t make as exciting a story as “Did you know my little cousin had to get married at 17 just to get away from her crazy daddy. That mean old judge was going to send her back, but I fixed her up with my friend from HS and they looked soooo cute at the courthouse. He sent her home to live with her momma because he was in it just to help the poor girl out. But I had a feeling they’d fall in love! Sure enough, once she turned 18, they decided to give it a real go. Fairy Takes DO come true!”

I’m glad you find this so funny. It’s very upsetting for our whole family. She ran away, and no one has been able to locate her.

Wait! She ran away and you’ve been posting some crazy teen wedding scheme rather than out looking for her?

Are you incapable of reading the thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Running away was a good choice for her to make, since none of the adults in the picture seem prepared to actually help her.

Sadly, this. Smart girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


OP, why are you so reluctant to seek actual legal help for this girl? Stop making assumptions and ask actual legal professionals. Seek out a lawyer and a GAL if you really want to help her.

Well, it doesn’t make as exciting a story as “Did you know my little cousin had to get married at 17 just to get away from her crazy daddy. That mean old judge was going to send her back, but I fixed her up with my friend from HS and they looked soooo cute at the courthouse. He sent her home to live with her momma because he was in it just to help the poor girl out. But I had a feeling they’d fall in love! Sure enough, once she turned 18, they decided to give it a real go. Fairy Takes DO come true!”

I’m glad you find this so funny. It’s very upsetting for our whole family. She ran away, and no one has been able to locate her.

Wait! She ran away and you’ve been posting some crazy teen wedding scheme rather than out looking for her?

Are you incapable of reading the thread?

I read page 1. When did OP reveal the girl ran away?

My dad whacked my brother around. When my brother ran away, my family spent 20 hours a day looking for him. When I was online, it was posting missing posters not making a harebrained scheme to marry him off to a friend once we found him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Running away was a good choice for her to make, since none of the adults in the picture seem prepared to actually help her.

Sadly, this. Smart girl.

Hope she finds shelter with a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Running away was a good choice for her to make, since none of the adults in the picture seem prepared to actually help her.

Sadly, this. Smart girl.

Hope she finds shelter with a friend.

Or a youth shelter at least.

[Anonymous]

Police will not force a 17 year old to go visit their abusive father. I don't know who told you that but it is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


OP, why are you so reluctant to seek actual legal help for this girl? Stop making assumptions and ask actual legal professionals. Seek out a lawyer and a GAL if you really want to help her.

Well, it doesn’t make as exciting a story as “Did you know my little cousin had to get married at 17 just to get away from her crazy daddy. That mean old judge was going to send her back, but I fixed her up with my friend from HS and they looked soooo cute at the courthouse. He sent her home to live with her momma because he was in it just to help the poor girl out. But I had a feeling they’d fall in love! Sure enough, once she turned 18, they decided to give it a real go. Fairy Takes DO come true!”

I’m glad you find this so funny. It’s very upsetting for our whole family. She ran away, and no one has been able to locate her.

Wait! She ran away and you’ve been posting some crazy teen wedding scheme rather than out looking for her?

Are you incapable of reading the thread?

I read page 1. When did OP reveal the girl ran away?

My dad whacked my brother around. When my brother ran away, my family spent 20 hours a day looking for him. When I was online, it was posting missing posters not making a harebrained scheme to marry him off to a friend once we found him.

What you think happened just isn’t true. Try reading the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


OP, why are you so reluctant to seek actual legal help for this girl? Stop making assumptions and ask actual legal professionals. Seek out a lawyer and a GAL if you really want to help her.

The potential legal costs might seem overwhelming, OP, in terms of "fighting" this to a conclusion, but If you and other family members can scrape together a few hundred dollars, that would pay for an attorney for the child to listen to the case/facts for an hour and give you some accurate basic advice about options.

I'm concerned that you seem to be conflating 2 different legal tactics in this situation --1) emergency custody order change and 2) temporary restraining order. It may indeed be the case that an emergency custody order change would take some time to get on the court calendar. BUT, generally speaking, temporary restraining orders are heard ex parte and thus are held very quickly. "Ex Parte" means without notice to the defendant (the father in this case). The standard in Florida for a domestic violence restraining order is disjunctive (meaning only 1 of the two following situations must be proved) -- 1) domestic violence has already happened OR 2) there is an imminent danger of domestic violence. Consult with a FL attorney, but it may well be that for the ex parte temporary restraining order to be approved, the court may look for imminent danger. BUT, if the court turns down the temporary restraining order due to lack of imminence, a hearing is still set and must occur within 15 days to hear a permanent restraining order. There is NO requirement for imminence for a permanent restraining order. The father will have notice and the opportunity to argue against a permanent restraining order. A person can fail to get a temporary restraining order but still get a permanent one. This is because since the temporary restraining order hearing is ex parte, the court may require a higher burden of proof so as not to unfairly prejudice the interests of the defendant who doesn't even have notice of the proceeding.

It's very complicated the different standards and rules that apply to situations which involve CPS versus child custody versus restraining orders (both temporary and permanent). I'm not a Florida attorney, and you have not provided all the facts, so it's unclear to me how FL CPS could have "documented injuries" but decided not to take action. This could be because they didn't have proof that the father caused the injuries OR it could be that the remedy available to CPS was taking the child away from the father, which would normally require a very serious behaviors by the father.

This is why you need a lawyer that has an ethical obligation only to the child to walk you/her through the options. It may be that an attorney can also offer some advice on how to stall her way through the next couple of months even if the likelihood of getting a custody change or restraining order was low. That attorney may also offer some more clear guidelines about what the real repercussions to the minor child and mother would be if they avoided visitation, or how best/most effectively to avoid custody.

Finally, I think marriage is a pretty permanent solution to a temporary problem. Are there any other family members in other parts of the country to whom the child could flee. If she can live with another family member and enroll in school, I think there is a very low probability that the father could get through the court system fast enough to get the child returned. Best case scenario would be that the child could return to the home school once she turns 18. Of course an attorney should advise. If she's already "run away" once, then I would prefer an out of state family member to flee to. FWIW, running away to a friend or family should not put them in danger of a kidnapping charge.

I appreciate your response. I’ve been trying to talk her into contacting a legal aid clinic in her area. We have absolutely no money for an attorney. It’s literally the difference between paying the rent/mortgage or paying for an attorney. Both of us have been helping out a disabled family member for several months, and it is impossible. She ran away yesterday, and has no income. She should qualify for the services offered by the legal aid clinic. She needs to look further into the possibility of an emergency custody hearing or a protective order. I do understand they’re 2 different things. She’s missing, so we’re kind of stuck until she resurfaces.

[Anonymous]

I assumed the OP was the BF of the girl and was seeking advice given the idea proposed and the absolute belief in authority that the police and lawyer “told her she could go to jail”

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all the responses. I totally believe that a teen without financial resources would be sent back to an abusive parent or threatened with juvie for running away. Unfortunately it's a not uncommon scenario for vulnerable teens. I think marriage is a clever loophole, except that every single woman I"ve known who has done this-I I know at least a dozen, it used to be a common tactic for getting away from a bad situation, has ended up in an abusive marriage. She is going to need a lot of support to see who is a good, healthy, caring person in her life. I think the legal aid route is a good one. Are her parents low income? If not, but they won't pay for college that would be another reason to emancipate or marry. Make sure she fills out the FAFSA, even if she isn't currently seeing herself as college bound, she should keep the door open.

[Anonymous]

NP. I hope she resurfaces soon. First, tell her to refuse to go. Second, tell her to go down to the Courthouse and file an order for protection. She needs to get herself in front of a judge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the responses. I totally believe that a teen without financial resources would be sent back to an abusive parent or threatened with juvie for running away. Unfortunately it's a not uncommon scenario for vulnerable teens. I think marriage is a clever loophole, except that every single woman I"ve known who has done this-I I know at least a dozen, it used to be a common tactic for getting away from a bad situation, has ended up in an abusive marriage. She is going to need a lot of support to see who is a good, healthy, caring person in her life. I think the legal aid route is a good one. Are her parents low income? If not, but they won't pay for college that would be another reason to emancipate or marry. Make sure she fills out the FAFSA, even if she isn't currently seeing herself as college bound, she should keep the door open.

She wouldn’t go live with someone, or have a real marital relationship. She would continue to live with her mother, and divorce after she’s 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the responses. I totally believe that a teen without financial resources would be sent back to an abusive parent or threatened with juvie for running away. Unfortunately it's a not uncommon scenario for vulnerable teens. I think marriage is a clever loophole, except that every single woman I"ve known who has done this-I I know at least a dozen, it used to be a common tactic for getting away from a bad situation, has ended up in an abusive marriage. She is going to need a lot of support to see who is a good, healthy, caring person in her life. I think the legal aid route is a good one. Are her parents low income? If not, but they won't pay for college that would be another reason to emancipate or marry. Make sure she fills out the FAFSA, even if she isn't currently seeing herself as college bound, she should keep the door open.

She wouldn’t go live with someone, or have a real marital relationship. She would continue to live with her mother, and divorce after she’s 18.

JFC. No. She should run away and go live with a friend/relative in a different state, and not tell anyone, for the few months until she turns 18. Why is this so hard to understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the responses. I totally believe that a teen without financial resources would be sent back to an abusive parent or threatened with juvie for running away. Unfortunately it's a not uncommon scenario for vulnerable teens. I think marriage is a clever loophole, except that every single woman I"ve known who has done this-I I know at least a dozen, it used to be a common tactic for getting away from a bad situation, has ended up in an abusive marriage. She is going to need a lot of support to see who is a good, healthy, caring person in her life. I think the legal aid route is a good one. Are her parents low income? If not, but they won't pay for college that would be another reason to emancipate or marry. Make sure she fills out the FAFSA, even if she isn't currently seeing herself as college bound, she should keep the door open.

She wouldn’t go live with someone, or have a real marital relationship. She would continue to live with her mother, and divorce after she’s 18.

JFC. No. She should run away and go live with a friend/relative in a different state, and not tell anyone, for the few months until she turns 18. Why is this so hard to understand.

I was offering clarification. We’re working on better options at the moment, which I explained already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assumed the OP was the BF of the girl and was seeking advice given the idea proposed and the absolute belief in authority that the police and lawyer “told her she could go to jail”

I’m not her BF. I’m a relative. No one, other than her father, told her she was going to go to jail. She and her mother were told that the custody order would be enforced by the police. It’s a civil matter, which I believe means only a judge can decide if someone needed to be arrested for not following it.