Is a wedding at a 'plantation' bad form? or romantic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congrats on the degree. Explain to me how you take a confederate memorial and turn it into "something educational." And why that is preferable to removing them and replacing them with memorials for black people.

Ever been to Auschwitz or Dachau? They weren't removed. They were left there for an education and a warning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Somebody not wanting confederate memorials is why trump is our president? I mean, maybe it contributed, but instead of saying we have to be okay with confederate memorials could we focus on restoring felon voter rights, get out the vote efforts, educate others about the importance of healthcare and the environment, and not worry quite so much about keeping potential trump voters placated and comfortable?

Sticking a finger in the eye of people you don't like for 8 years was how you got Trump in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:#CelebrateHowYouWant
America has a racist history. That's just a fact. But what happened in America's past and what's happening present day is done by people, not buildings. Countless U.S. cities were built by slaves. America was built on the wholesale slaughter of Native Americans. These things were all done by people, not by buildings.

The point is, it matters so much more about why weddings and celebrations are held at these locations. Looking for a period-themed wedding where all the servers just happened to be dressed like slaves? That's racist. Wanting a cotton-themed wedding at a plantation? That's racist. Just having a wedding at a plantation? Not necessarily.

People should be able to celebrate their union where ever they want. If we started limiting wedding venues to places that only have some kind of upbeat, progressive history... many churches would also be unacceptable venues for weddings.

. . .and that is why we got married by a judge in the great outdoors!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We could tear down all the old plantation houses. Or we could use them for something better.

I truly don't see the problem with tearing them down.

Bury the past?

Do you like confederate memorials too?

I’m ok with turning them into something educational. I was a history major.

Congrats on the degree. Explain to me how you take a confederate memorial and turn it into "something educational." And why that is preferable to removing them and replacing them with memorials for black people.

Frankly this is why I think we have Trump as our president. And I’m not certain he’s not going to be re-elected. I actually would be fine with removing the monuments. Idc. But some people do. And I do actually think there a middle ground where we can create memorials for black people alongside and with add signage about the bad and good things the white person did, when it was erected, and why it wouldn’t be erected today.

There are some people who do have problems with anything tinged by the legacy of slavery or racism. But oddly enough, as far as I can tell, it's only those issues, the particular black-as-slaves-as-repressed-minority issue that bothers them. They rarely call for other kinds of injustices to be eliminated from sight and memory (because we'd have to pretty much destroy our entire civilization). They only care about history as it personally affects them, and themselves as a person even if they'll speak of the larger race, and don't care about all the other aspects of a particular building or legacy's historical aspects. In short, they're quite selfish. That's why I rarely take them seriously.

Demanding a beautiful building to be demolished just to avenge some sort of self-imposed angst is merely revenge, and revenge never brings justice. And no one will take you seriously, anyway.

On a side note, the vast majority of big houses on southern plantations were architecturally unremarkable. Mostly of the two story wood colonial style vernacular with a porch slapped on, not particularly big by modern standards, and most have already been lost to the ravages of time. Only a tiny handful were places like Mount Vernon.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’m personally ok with it but you have to decide how you feel.

We are all living on land we violently took from Native Americans and we don’t let that bother us enough not to do it.

This is the truest statement in this entire thread. If you complain about plantations, you better complain about every inch of soil you step on day to day. Cause guess what, you’re just as guilty.

No. We can feel bad about the land "we" stole (my people stole nothing since we were stolen, but that's another story...) and not romanticize the slavery era by holding a wedding at a plantation. But whatever white people, go ahead and do what you want which is what you always do anyway.

Thanks! I won't even think about your constant whining, either, since it bores me.

lol

This is the type of person who will be an embarrassment to their children. Personally, I wouldn’t want my children and grandchildren to be embarrassed of my wedding photos. Like it or not it says something about you, regardless of what your peers tell you.

Weddings at plantations will one day be looked at much in the same way as minstrel shows. Once upon a time it was “great comedy”

When they look at old wedding photos (if they even do, which is doubtful) they won't even know it was at a "plantation". They'll think someone rented a big house with a garden. And indeed, that's pretty much what those places are.

Chances are excellent that your children and grandchildren simply won't care about today's obsessive concern with "racism" and the fragile feelings of black people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somebody not wanting confederate memorials is why trump is our president? I mean, maybe it contributed, but instead of saying we have to be okay with confederate memorials could we focus on restoring felon voter rights, get out the vote efforts, educate others about the importance of healthcare and the environment, and not worry quite so much about keeping potential trump voters placated and comfortable?

Sticking a finger in the eye of people you don't like for 8 years was how you got Trump in the first place.

There is no one reason, but arguably democrats trying to be all things to all people was one of them. I mean, republicans are cool with saying "democrats aren't really people, who cares what they think, lets pander to the worst in people to get elected."

Anywho, OP: no on the plantation. Even if you think it's okay its apparent from these responses that many of your guests won't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the plantation used to be worked by slaves and then not. Some of the original slavery era structures are on the property. The house is lovely. It seems like a tone deaf choice for a wedding venue in 2019. What do feel about plantation venue for a wedding? Is it just me?

What a beautiful way to celebrate Democratic heritage.

More Dem politicians should do the same, regardless of skin color.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somebody not wanting confederate memorials is why trump is our president? I mean, maybe it contributed, but instead of saying we have to be okay with confederate memorials could we focus on restoring felon voter rights, get out the vote efforts, educate others about the importance of healthcare and the environment, and not worry quite so much about keeping potential trump voters placated and comfortable?

Sticking a finger in the eye of people you don't like for 8 years was how you got Trump in the first place.

There is no one reason, but arguably democrats trying to be all things to all people was one of them. I mean, republicans are cool with saying "democrats aren't really people, who cares what they think, lets pander to the worst in people to get elected."

Anywho, OP: no on the plantation. Even if you think it's okay its apparent from these responses that many of your guests won't.

Speak for yourself. I imagine most people simply won't care. Or even think about it. For the vast majority old = past and history and irrelevant to today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somebody not wanting confederate memorials is why trump is our president? I mean, maybe it contributed, but instead of saying we have to be okay with confederate memorials could we focus on restoring felon voter rights, get out the vote efforts, educate others about the importance of healthcare and the environment, and not worry quite so much about keeping potential trump voters placated and comfortable?

Sticking a finger in the eye of people you don't like for 8 years was how you got Trump in the first place.

There is no one reason, but arguably democrats trying to be all things to all people was one of them. I mean, republicans are cool with saying "democrats aren't really people, who cares what they think, lets pander to the worst in people to get elected."

Anywho, OP: no on the plantation. Even if you think it's okay its apparent from these responses that many of your guests won't.

Speak for yourself. I imagine most people simply won't care. Or even think about it. For the vast majority old = past and history and irrelevant to today.

Have you looked at the other responses?

[Anonymous]

This is an interesting discussion, I have been to a plantation wedding, and my own wedding was at a historic Inn way out in Faquier County.

I will say, I didn't choose the historic inn, it just sorta happened. Trying to plan a wedding that could accommodate 60 people and feed them on our budget, sent us at least an hour out from DC and excluded any modern hotel or venue in the area. Many of the more affordable options are old historic inns, and plantations- their packages are more affordable and still offer you a picturesque setting.

I did spend a lot of time researching the history of our venue, there wasn't clear information available but I assume the original owners must have kept slaves just because the time period.

So my question is, how do you feel about historic venues in general? It is bound to have the same dark history, as slaves were used to build so much of this country. Where do we draw the line- no weddings at venues that pre-date the civil war?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an interesting discussion, I have been to a plantation wedding, and my own wedding was at a historic Inn way out in Faquier County.

I will say, I didn't choose the historic inn, it just sorta happened. Trying to plan a wedding that could accommodate 60 people and feed them on our budget, sent us at least an hour out from DC and excluded any modern hotel or venue in the area. Many of the more affordable options are old historic inns, and plantations- their packages are more affordable and still offer you a picturesque setting.

I did spend a lot of time researching the history of our venue, there wasn't clear information available but I assume the original owners must have kept slaves just because the time period.

So my question is, how do you feel about historic venues in general? It is bound to have the same dark history, as slaves were used to build so much of this country. Where do we draw the line- no weddings at venues that pre-date the civil war?

I think it’s all in how it’s displayed. A wedding in something designated a “plantation” is already going to triggering for lots of people (rightfully so). A plantation with slave quarters, an all black serving company in costume, and an antebellum theme is totally tone deaf and IMO racist. A wedding at a historic inn that probably had slaves at one time but has no reminders of them today-I would not be bothered, but I am white and am working on my privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an interesting discussion, I have been to a plantation wedding, and my own wedding was at a historic Inn way out in Faquier County.

I will say, I didn't choose the historic inn, it just sorta happened. Trying to plan a wedding that could accommodate 60 people and feed them on our budget, sent us at least an hour out from DC and excluded any modern hotel or venue in the area. Many of the more affordable options are old historic inns, and plantations- their packages are more affordable and still offer you a picturesque setting.

I did spend a lot of time researching the history of our venue, there wasn't clear information available but I assume the original owners must have kept slaves just because the time period.

So my question is, how do you feel about historic venues in general? It is bound to have the same dark history, as slaves were used to build so much of this country. Where do we draw the line- no weddings at venues that pre-date the civil war?

I think it’s all in how it’s displayed. A wedding in something designated a “plantation” is already going to triggering for lots of people (rightfully so). A plantation with slave quarters, an all black serving company in costume, and an antebellum theme is totally tone deaf and IMO racist. A wedding at a historic inn that probably had slaves at one time but has no reminders of them today-I would not be bothered, but I am white and am working on my privilege.

Not white myself (nor AA) but agree with most of this. Many historic places that can be rented for weddings and other events have a sordid history. If it's just a venue to rent, I can see why someone would choose it even if I most certainly would not (and did not). I would never blame a guest who declined on this basis either.

The Gone with the Wind or Old South touches/themes make it incredibly distasteful, insensitive, and racist.

[Anonymous]

if after the ceremony you're able to "formally" consummate the relationship = romantic.

if not = bad form

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congrats on the degree. Explain to me how you take a confederate memorial and turn it into "something educational." And why that is preferable to removing them and replacing them with memorials for black people.

Ever been to Auschwitz or Dachau? They weren't removed. They were left there for an education and a warning.

This is not a good comparison. There are thousands of Confederate monuments across the South--most of which were erected in the early 20th century during the Jim Crow laws. The context was simple: they were meant to intimidate African American citizens and twist Confederate ideology into something more noble. Obviously these tactics were super successful because people have actually conflated the biased rhetoric with an accurate account of "history."

So, sure some monuments and plantations could be transformed into markers of racist ideology and physical violence against African Americans, but it's a waste of resources to re-contextualize all of them. Just take them down and put them in graveyards, where the ideologies belong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I’m personally ok with it but you have to decide how you feel.

We are all living on land we violently took from Native Americans and we don’t let that bother us enough not to do it.

This is the truest statement in this entire thread. If you complain about plantations, you better complain about every inch of soil you step on day to day. Cause guess what, you’re just as guilty.

This

You honestly don't see the difference in someone *choosing* to hold a wedding on a plantation? Seriously? And considering it "romantic"? Come on.

No, I honestly do not. Do you view the Native Americans as lesser than everyone else or something? Because you seem to have no qualms about sticking your head in the sand about the land you live on.

First, don't tell me how I live my life. Of course I don't see American Indians as lesser, and I stand up for them a hell of a lot more than I see many do (people who wear Washington football team gear, I'm looking at you).

Second, I didn't choose to be born in this country. I did choose where to hold my wedding, though, and it sure as hell wasn't going to be on a plantation.