Anonymous wrote:We get what we expect, OP, and I think it is worth considering how much *you* are contributing to this dynamic and just replicating your childhood structure.
I am non-confrontational (even a doormat at times), but I grew up with a very different family life and it just wouldn't really occur to me to structure my life as you have. E.g. DH and I switched off with getting up with the kids as babies b/c I just asked well should we alternate, or take different blocs of time, or what? If I wanted better sleep I just went to the guest bedroom and let him deal. We switch off weekend mornings too... Mostly I just grocery shop in peace my "morning off." I don't think this is something that he would have ever eagerly volunteered for but I can't imagine him really grousing or yelling about the division of labor, and if he did, I would just be like what the heck are you doing?
In other words, OP, if you don't like your dynamic, just stop participating in it. It doesn't have to be a fight. Do a yoga class on Saturday morning. Ask whether he wants to do the dishes or get the kids ready for bed. Say you need him to do pick up on W & Th, and then *don't be available.* If he in fact has some true job constraints then that is where you start outsourcing. So yeah, I'd "drop the rope," but in the opposite way that you are suggesting.
+100000. DH has no qualms about taking time for himself, so DW needs to do the same.
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