Spinoff - Kids invited to everything but the reception

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone considered that maybe the BIL didn’t want the kids in the wedding? Maybe he did this to please OP?

I would have certainly assumed that the kids were only in the wedding to please either OP or MIL, yes. Including literally one set of kids while excluding everyone else's children does seem to indicate that the couple are compromising their desire to have a kid-free wedding for someone.

OP also had the balls to specifically ask if her kids could be included in the reception. After they were told "no kids." So my bet is you're right - this was BIL's compromise to keep OP happy.

Yes. I can imagine all the conversations since OP thinks her kids are the pinnacle of everyone's life, not just her own. He said let's let them be flower girls, fine. But she wants more. It is not about you OP. You sound difficult and your family knows it.

Oh FFS! OP has acted like nothing of the sort. You’re just making up your own narrative at this point.

[Anonymous]

All of you go to the non-reception events as planned. For the reception, just DH goes and you take the kids out for a fun evening on their own. If BIL asks, just say you couldn't find a sitter for the kids that evening so you'll be watching them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is truly strange that some people decide that because they have kids, they are entitled to change the parameters of an invitation.

Your only options are to accept or decline. The end.
.

Except the invitation changed after OP committed and spent thousands of dollars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone considered that maybe the BIL didn’t want the kids in the wedding? Maybe he did this to please OP?

I would have certainly assumed that the kids were only in the wedding to please either OP or MIL, yes. Including literally one set of kids while excluding everyone else's children does seem to indicate that the couple are compromising their desire to have a kid-free wedding for someone.

Not likely.

Bride wanted a cute prop for pictures.

Destination wedding people are selfish in that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone considered that maybe the BIL didn’t want the kids in the wedding? Maybe he did this to please OP?

I would have certainly assumed that the kids were only in the wedding to please either OP or MIL, yes. Including literally one set of kids while excluding everyone else's children does seem to indicate that the couple are compromising their desire to have a kid-free wedding for someone.

Not likely.

Bride wanted a cute prop for pictures.

Destination wedding people are selfish in that way.

Unlikely that they would've picked that sort of mixed bag (3, 6, & 10). If they were looking for 'cute', they would have gone for symmetry and gotten all preschool-age. OP states that there are lots of those (preschoolers) in the family, but everyone else is leaving them home.

[Anonymous]

I actually think it’s the height of rudeness to not invite members of the wedding party (which the children are) to the reception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just bring my kids down at some point when the bride and groom are too tied up with other guests to notice. Let them dance and have a piece of cake and bring them back upstairs. Its bull to exclude members of the wedding party.

At my wedding, my mother-in-law ditched the agreed upon color scheme for her dress so she would stand out from my mother and DH's step mother.
Mt SIL took her kids who were my flower girl and ring bearer and left for the reception because she didn't feel like 4 and 6 year olds were appropriate wedding guests. She self selected. They were invited. Other kids were there including BIL's 2 year old.
People do what they want and apologize later, or not. And, life goes on.

To be honest I think this is what I'd do. Let them come have a look around and some cake. It's a resort, there will be guests flowing in and out.

This is the worst way to handle. Would cause WAY more drama than declining the invitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually think it’s the height of rudeness to not invite members of the wedding party (which the children are) to the reception.

This. I’m fine with adults only weddings, but members of the wedding party are invited to the reception. And really, any guest at the actual wedding should be invited to the reception. Full stop. DD was a flower girl when she was 4. The couple had a coloring book and crayons at the seat for her and the ring bearer to help occupy them during dinner. Unnecessary but a nice touch. In return we took her back to the hotel at bedtime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of you go to the non-reception events as planned. For the reception, just DH goes and you take the kids out for a fun evening on their own. If BIL asks, just say you couldn't find a sitter for the kids that evening so you'll be watching them.

+1

Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, nobody else is bringing children at all, correct? I can see your BIL's side of this. He envisions the reception as an adults only celebration, drinking, dancing etc. and not really suitable for kids. It feels like a personal slight to you because your kids are the only ones attending and so are the only ones disinvited from the reception, but I doubt that is the way it was intended. It sounds like he has made a pretty good effort to include your kids and just wants the one thing to be adults only.

Agree.

There is nothing wrong from structuring the events as they see fit. There is also nothing wrong with you declining to attend which is really your only other option. Kids do not need to be included in everything and you need only tell your children that it is an adult party and you will bring them a piece of cake. The End.

An adult party is fine. But why invite the kids to be in the wedding? The reception is part of the wedding.

[Anonymous]

When SIL got married my kids were in the wedding. She was open about not really wanting kids at the reception. She hired a couple of babysitters that kept the kids entertained in an adjoining room and brought them in a couple of times. Kids loved it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, nobody else is bringing children at all, correct? I can see your BIL's side of this. He envisions the reception as an adults only celebration, drinking, dancing etc. and not really suitable for kids. It feels like a personal slight to you because your kids are the only ones attending and so are the only ones disinvited from the reception, but I doubt that is the way it was intended. It sounds like he has made a pretty good effort to include your kids and just wants the one thing to be adults only.

Agree.

There is nothing wrong from structuring the events as they see fit. There is also nothing wrong with you declining to attend which is really your only other option. Kids do not need to be included in everything and you need only tell your children that it is an adult party and you will bring them a piece of cake. The End.

An adult party is fine. But why invite the kids to be in the wedding? The reception is part of the wedding.

They are often seen as separate, for instance, MANY people don’t go to the ceremony (especially if its at a church) and not go the reception. So it’s not wrong to treat them as two different events on the same day.

I suspect as others have stated this is some kind of compromise. Either OP pushed the idea of her kids being in the wedding so the bride and groom allowed it, br obviously want an adults only reception. Or maybe the bride wanted the children in it but the groom didn’t want them around all night, or vice versa. IT DOES NOT MATTER. The bride and groom have laid down the rules and OP can either accept it and move on or have a stink about it.

Kids don’t belong at every event. They don’t have to. It is really not a big deal. Not everyone thinks they’re as wonderful as OP does. Perhaps they could only tolerate them for part of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When SIL got married my kids were in the wedding. She was open about not really wanting kids at the reception. She hired a couple of babysitters that kept the kids entertained in an adjoining room and brought them in a couple of times. Kids loved it.

Then why did she want them in the wedding? Cute Photo op?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When SIL got married my kids were in the wedding. She was open about not really wanting kids at the reception. She hired a couple of babysitters that kept the kids entertained in an adjoining room and brought them in a couple of times. Kids loved it.

Then why did she want them in the wedding? Cute Photo op?

Why does everyone have to have a reason for not wanting children at a sit down formal dinner with alcohol flowing? GET A GRIP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When SIL got married my kids were in the wedding. She was open about not really wanting kids at the reception. She hired a couple of babysitters that kept the kids entertained in an adjoining room and brought them in a couple of times. Kids loved it.

Then why did she want them in the wedding? Cute Photo op?

Why does everyone have to have a reason for not wanting children at a sit down formal dinner with alcohol flowing? GET A GRIP.

Then you don’t invite children to be in your wedding party. They are people, not props.

What’s with the capitals? Bad day?