Best school for gifted kid? Looking for differentiation.

[Anonymous]

Again, OP has to tell us what IQ we’re dealing with here. Otherwise she isn’t being helpful.

The reason I brought up my IQ is because I have a frame of reference for academic experience at that IQ level. If her son is more like 160+, my experience isn’t going to be helpful, but if her son is within a few points of my IQ, then perhaps it will be. That’s the reason I brought it up.

Until she shares that information, we can’t really help her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again, OP has to tell us what IQ we’re dealing with here. Otherwise she isn’t being helpful.

The reason I brought up my IQ is because I have a frame of reference for academic experience at that IQ level. If her son is more like 160+, my experience isn’t going to be helpful, but if her son is within a few points of my IQ, then perhaps it will be. That’s the reason I brought it up.

Until she shares that information, we can’t really help her.

She’s told you he is profoundly gifted. Why don’t you just believe her and give her helpful advice, if you have any, based on that? Several other posters have managed to give her helpful tips without getting every speck of personal information.

[Anonymous]

She doesn't have to share his IQ. She's gotten lots of useful advice here and can sort through what she wants. She seems. There is no magic formula or perfect placement for a child who is atypical.

[Anonymous]

OP your son sounds much like mine.
Now that he is a teen, the sensitivity is quite difficult as he navigates teen social dynamics.

After much hand-wringing in the 4th/5th grade, we kept him at his (non big 3) private school.
They started differentiating in 7th. He is now in high school

School is not all that challenging for him, and we decided we are ok with that. He still does a fair amount of work and he is very advanced in math. There are 7 kids (in his grade of 98) in the advanced math. There are three math tracks.
We knew that a pressure cooker wouldn’t be great for him. And we decided that there are benefits to him getting near perfect grades with a moderate amount of effort. It’s not zero effort - it’s a moderate amount. Enough that he has free time each evening even with sports. And we like that.
It’s not the right decision for everyone, but he’s a sensitive perfectionist. I was worried for his mental health if we put him in a very aggressively competitive place.
We expect that by graduating at the very top of his class (definitely top 5, maybe even valedictorian) he still has a good shot at a top university. Perhaps we would have increased his chances if we went to a more competitive school. But I wasn’t willing to sacrifice his mental health for that small increase in odds.
His IQ is 148, just for your frame of reference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP's son is obviously gifted. So is the OP, probably extremely so. But she's not so gifted that she's any different from the majority of this generation's parents. Blame the school. Blame the teacher. Tell other parents who offer constructive advice that they just don't understand. No consideration of the possibility that the real problem is looking at you through the mirror.

If a school is telling a parent that their child is or has a problem, it's because the child is or has one.

Sounds like someone with Mr. Trump’s level of intelligence and analytical capability.

[Anonymous]

Nysmith, if you really look for differentiation. I pulled my gifted kids from FCPS AAP to Nysmith. 4th grader is learning what 6th grade AAP is learning in terms of math and social studies, and more science with hand-on experiences too. My kids are emotionally sensitive/intense too. The teachers have been supportive and respecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We knew that a pressure cooker wouldn’t be great for him. And we decided that there are benefits to him getting near perfect grades with a moderate amount of effort. It’s not zero effort - it’s a moderate amount. Enough that he has free time each evening even with sports. And we like that.
It’s not the right decision for everyone, but he’s a sensitive perfectionist. I was worried for his mental health if we put him in a very aggressively competitive place.

I love this post so much. It mirrors my views exactly. I'd much rather have my child slightly unchallenged academically in a way that leaves much more time for extracurricular activities/sleep/fun with friends than challenged to the max and less time for non-academic pursuits.

[Anonymous]

OP, we sent our PG kid to public schools. We researched school zones and tried to go with schools that seemed supportive of kids who were outliers. Differentiation varied year to year, and a fair bit of boredom was involved, so a lot of learning was done outside school. Socially and emotionally, though, we've really seen immense growth. I'm happy to say my kid is learning to find their people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, OP has to tell us what IQ we’re dealing with here. Otherwise she isn’t being helpful.

The reason I brought up my IQ is because I have a frame of reference for academic experience at that IQ level. If her son is more like 160+, my experience isn’t going to be helpful, but if her son is within a few points of my IQ, then perhaps it will be. That’s the reason I brought it up.

Until she shares that information, we can’t really help her.

She’s told you he is profoundly gifted. Why don’t you just believe her and give her helpful advice, if you have any, based on that? Several other posters have managed to give her helpful tips without getting every speck of personal information.

Because everyone thinks their kid is gifted. I’m not inclined to take people at their word on that without a shred of evidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, OP has to tell us what IQ we’re dealing with here. Otherwise she isn’t being helpful.

The reason I brought up my IQ is because I have a frame of reference for academic experience at that IQ level. If her son is more like 160+, my experience isn’t going to be helpful, but if her son is within a few points of my IQ, then perhaps it will be. That’s the reason I brought it up.

Until she shares that information, we can’t really help her.

She’s told you he is profoundly gifted. Why don’t you just believe her and give her helpful advice, if you have any, based on that? Several other posters have managed to give her helpful tips without getting every speck of personal information.

Because everyone thinks their kid is gifted. I’m not inclined to take people at their word on that without a shred of evidence.

Because your posts are so earth-shakingly important? OP is asking for help with a situation. You asked, and she declined to share more. If you are full of doubt that she is worthy of your advice, go to another thread. If you would like to share relevant advice for her, do so. If she has deviously misinformed you, she will only get less helpful advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We knew that a pressure cooker wouldn’t be great for him. And we decided that there are benefits to him getting near perfect grades with a moderate amount of effort. It’s not zero effort - it’s a moderate amount. Enough that he has free time each evening even with sports. And we like that.
It’s not the right decision for everyone, but he’s a sensitive perfectionist. I was worried for his mental health if we put him in a very aggressively competitive place.

I love this post so much. It mirrors my views exactly. I'd much rather have my child slightly unchallenged academically in a way that leaves much more time for extracurricular activities/sleep/fun with friends than challenged to the max and less time for non-academic pursuits.

+1 DC went from reticent to highly extroverted. As a young adult, his knowledge of people is as important to the opportunities open to him as intelligence. Went to a Big 3 and our personal experience and observation is that they initiated differentiation for kids that were both academically and emotionally ready. I am very sympathetic to parents of young kids and the worry about boredom but I assure you that a really intelligent, inquiring kid doesn't stay bored for long. DC did do a lot of homework and self-study during classes as he could multi-task. Not one teacher ever complained and all were happy to have outside conversations with DC about anything of interest. Learning is life long and not contained to a classroom. If that child has access to adults that can provide the conversation they need, straight up at the board teaching is unnecessary. No one has mentioned the resource a school with a very smart parent community can be. Your kids friends parents are an amazing resource for a smart kid who deals well with others. Focus on those social skills. The rest falls in place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a kid is gifted enough, no school is going to be the perfect fit. You have to decide what you are willing to give up.

You are right, but we’re not looking for the perfect fit, just the best possible fit. We started out thinking social/emotional development was more important than intellectual and academic challenge. Now, I think we need greater balance between the two.

We had dismissed both Nysmith and Feynman when DC was 4, but will now give both a closer look. We had also not wanted him to spend time outside of school on gifted enrichment programs, because we do believe play is very important. I think he may now enjoy CTY-type enrichment. We still want him to have after school playtime with his friends, so I’m not sure how to fit everything together.

Thanks to everyone who has posted with helpful information and advice.

I’d really appreciate recommendations for OTs who work with sensitivity in gifted children.

I have the ASD kid with sensitivity. First of all, if you're going to do OT, you need someone you like who relates well to kids; sensitivity is sensitivity and it's not like there's one version of OT for the gifted and one for regular kids. Secondly, I would not bother with OT for an 8 year old for sensory issues. I haven't seen any evidence (scientific or anecdotal) that it works (the benefits for us were more in traditional OT areas like developing small motors skills). For us the most effective thing has been CBT with an excellent psychologist to address social skills, managing feelings, etc. I would try that if you haven't already.

I'm the poster who originally recommended OT, and I'd still recommend getting an evaluation. Our family it actually not in DC at the moment so I can't provide a specific recommendation, but someone else's suggestion of seeking out groups for parents of gifted kids and asking for recommendations there is a good one. In our case I had a friend who is an OT, and it turns out her practice also works closely with our private school, even having an OT on campus as needed for consults and evaluations, so it was a good fit. You might talk with your school and see if they have anyone they recommend or with whom their students have had success in the past. Alternately, you could contact a program like Commonwealth that frequently deals with 2e students and ask if they OTs they recommend.

As for whether and how OT can help, this is really an area of emerging research. I dived pretty deep into it to discover there's just a lot they still don't know. For our family we decided that since we had the means for an evaluation and OT if recommended, we'd pursue it. If they can give our daughter tools that will help her manage better and reduce her overall stress level, it's worth it to us. The academics can (and do!) debate endless about whether OT rewires the brain's sensory processing or simply uses behavior modification to teach coping and calming skills (as an example of one of the areas of debate); we really don't care which it is, since the result either way is helping our daughter. Also, she LOVES her OT sessions, and even in the first few months I saw a significant increase in confidence that I attribute to them.

[Anonymous]

Rereading your posts, OP, I can't quite tell if multiple teachers are suggesting their are problems, or just one. If it's multiple teachers, I would try to take their concerns seriously (even if you don't see the same problem they do) and ask what resources the school would recommend you consult (play therapy? full neuropsych eval? OT?) - they should have resources for referrals.

If it's one teacher, before I gave up on the school I'd see if I could just wait out that teacher. Presumably he'll have someone different next year - can you work with the school to make sure he has the best fit possible for his teacher next year? Someone who will keep him engaged and think creatively about it, even if they don't specifically differentiate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's an opinion from another Big 3 parent, as opposed to the public/AAP/GT contingent. There are lots of "average" children in the 140+ IQ range in the Big 3 classrooms. It's handpicked group, so there is a very different distribution than the public schools. And the issue of whether to feed your child's interests/desires for acceleration is a frequent question raised by parents.

My DC is no genius -- so your concerns may be completely different -- but she was academically well ahead of classmates throughout the elementary years. For us the it always seemed that she was flipping through the next grade's books and figuring out things for herself before her friends in the next grade or two. She complained about having to do group projects with others who couldn't figure things out as quickly. And her ERBs were always in the top few percentiles for private school students.

Our priority for DC in elementary school was to learn to master her emotions and impulses and how to work effectively with groups, figure out how to lead others, and relate to classmates of varying maturity levels. The school did a great job of doing just that. The stereotype of math science nerds exists for a reason - its too easy for parents to let smart kids to focus on their academic strengths and let their social and emotional skills lag.

Academically, we fed DC's academic interests outside of school when needed. She was a little kid, so it wasn't exactly hard to provide the content. A little multiplication here, a YA book there, and extended conversations about what was in the news or what she saw in a museum. Math games and crossword puzzles were great ways to build skills and vocabulary without drill and kill. We did enough that algebra in 6th grade was pretty intuitive and she coasted through the rest of high school math.

I don't doubt there are plenty of bright kids at Big 3 schools (and other top private schools). However, this idea--often propagated on DCUM--that a kid with a 140+ IQ is "average" anywhere except for, perhaps, a top physics PhD program or some other rarified environment is ridiculous, precisely because it is too rare. A very rough mathematical exercise proves this point.

A 140 IQ is present in about 1 in every 261 people.

Assuming a random distribution of people, that would mean approximately 23,500 people in the DC area (which has 6.1 million people) have an IQ of 140. Let's assume the true number is slightly higher than that, since the DC area is above average, from an educational standpoint. Obviously when you get above 140, the rarity increases dramatically. Judging from the rarity chart here (https://www.iqcomparisonsite.com/iqtable.aspx), my very rough guesstimate would be that no more than 32,000 people in the DC have an IQ of 140+. About 25% of the area's population is school-age, so let's assume there are 8,000 kids with an IQ of 140+ in the DC area.

Given those parameters, it is exceedingly unlikely that the Big 3 schools have an average student IQ of 140+.

To be clear, no one claims that the average IQ at the Big 3 is 140+. Just that there are several such students in every Big 3 classroom and they are pretty much normal students that fit in, whose teachers know how to teach them and whose parents feel they are well-served.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP's son is obviously gifted. So is the OP, probably extremely so. But she's not so gifted that she's any different from the majority of this generation's parents. Blame the school. Blame the teacher. Tell other parents who offer constructive advice that they just don't understand. No consideration of the possibility that the real problem is looking at you through the mirror.

If a school is telling a parent that their child is or has a problem, it's because the child is or has one.

Sounds like someone with Mr. Trump’s level of intelligence and analytical capability.

No, just someone who recognizes that every child isn't the Christ Child and every parent with education and money doesn't know everything.