Best school for gifted kid? Looking for differentiation.

[Anonymous]

We started our private school journey thinking that social skills and emotional maturity were more important than a focus on intellectual achievement. We’re at a Big 3 elementary finishing up 3rd grade.

I’m starting to rethink our choices and wondering whether we made the wrong decisions, or at least should consider different choices.

Sadly, we’ve learned that our school doesn’t deal well with the emotional needs of gifted children. Our DC has the classic gifted kid emotional profile: emotional intensity, perfectionism, combined with a sensitivity that is consistently misinterpreted as “immaturity” and “overreacting.”

DC learns faster than peers, and is several years ahead of grade level in reading, math, and science. He is allowed some freedom to pursue advanced reading.However, in math and science, subjects DC loves, there is no opportunity for differentiation or advanced learning. Aside from reading, there’s no differentiation period. DC has complained for some time (since the start of 1st grade) about being bored and going over things that are too easy over and over again.

I’m wondering if it would better for DC to be in a school that allows for more differentiation in the elementary grades. Are Feynman and Nysmith the only private schools that allow gifted kids to go at their own pace? I worry about these schools lacking an overall balance. On the other hand, I remember what torture it was to be forced lockstep into a pace that didn’t fit.

It seems that schools like Sidwell, GDS, and STA don’t allow differentiation until 9th. I can see DC getting turned off from school and learning if forced to wait another six years before being allowed to pursue things at a pace that fits him.

I’m also wondering if a school that knows how to work with gifted kids’ emotional needs might be better. I worry that DC is being labeled as oversensitive, even as some teachers praise his empathy and compassion for other kids.

I know there are a lot of gifted kids at the Big 3s. I also know not all gifted kids have the emotional profile that includes intensity, perfectionism, and sensitivity. I’d appreciate if parents who have kids similar to mine could speak to their experience in the upper elementary and middle schools of the Big 3? Or, if you left for a school that specializes in gifted education, could you speak to that experience?

[Anonymous]

OP can you confirm that you're looking for private only? I think a lot of gifted children end up at public magnets.

[Anonymous]

In Virginia, the "gifted" schools are Nysmith and Basis. They are completely different environments than more traditional prep schools (of which I attended so I am not trying to be offensive). They may be a better environment for your child or if they are not conveniently located, you could contact them and ask. Or even ask your current school for their thoughts. If you don't think the current school is a good fit, it may be that they agree but don't want to push you out. If you open the dialogue with the current school, perhaps they can provide guidance. I truly believe that while there is sometimes competition among schools, the schools do appreciate the special niches that each school seems to fill. That is one of the wonderful things about DC. We have so many amazing private schools that fill so many different niches. A big 3 would not feel slighted if you decided your child would fit in better at a niche school. And from a purely monetary standpoint, those schools have long waiting lists ready to fill in your child's spot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP can you confirm that you're looking for private only? I think a lot of gifted children end up at public magnets.

We’ve been in the private school system, but would consider public magnets if they fit DS. We chose private because we thought there would be a more nurturing environment for him, and that teachers would better understand and work with his sensitivity. That hasn’t been the case, and I worry instead they are labeling him because he is different.

I’ve hear public magnets tend now to be overcrowded, both in MoCo and Fairfax, and that they also tend not to differentiate much. They teach material that’s more advanced than the standard grade level, but that within the AAP programs, the kids are pretty much held at the same level. Is that true?

[Anonymous]

I'm interested in this, too, OP. My child is currently in public school, but the issues are the same – especially with regard to math and science. We have been trying to figure out the best way forward that balances extraordinary natural ability with age-appropriate social development and are not having much success.

[Anonymous]

I would consider Fairfax county AAP and eventually TJ for HS for such a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems that schools like Sidwell, GDS, and STA don’t allow differentiation until 9th.

I have a hard time believing that this statement is 100 percent true.

[Anonymous]

Public has its drawbacks but they do highly gifted education well. MCPS doesn’t differentiate in 3rd but starts their Center magnets in 4th.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems that schools like Sidwell, GDS, and STA don’t allow differentiation until 9th.

I have a hard time believing that this statement is 100 percent true.

OP here. This is my understanding from having DC attend one of these schools and hearing about the others. By differentiation, I do not mean a little more advanced work. I mean a 4th grader be allowed to join in on an advanced algebra class.

I’d be happy to learn that I’m wrong, but please provide facts rather than vague speculation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems that schools like Sidwell, GDS, and STA don’t allow differentiation until 9th.

I have a hard time believing that this statement is 100 percent true.

It is true, for the most part, for younger elementary IME. For this reason, i am not sure why OP didn't know this going in. I don't mean to offend, but I thought it was commonly known among parents whose children attend these schools. The Big 3 and like private are not "rigorous" elementary schools. If I wanted more knowledge and skill acquisition, and perhaps more rigor too, whatever that means really, I would put my child in the neighborhood public elementary school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems that schools like Sidwell, GDS, and STA don’t allow differentiation until 9th.

I have a hard time believing that this statement is 100 percent true.

It is true, for the most part, for younger elementary IME. For this reason, i am not sure why OP didn't know this going in. I don't mean to offend, but I thought it was commonly known among parents whose children attend these schools. The Big 3 and like private are not "rigorous" elementary schools. If I wanted more knowledge and skill acquisition, and perhaps more rigor too, whatever that means really, I would put my child in the neighborhood public elementary school.

OP here. OP did know this going in. Please read my Original Post to see why we are reconsidering our initial decisions, which were made when DS was not quite 4.

[Anonymous]

Would your private school allow DS to do some of the online enrichment options from CTY during school? That might ease some of the frustrations for him.

In MoCo, it seems that the deadlines for 4th grade magnets, which are considered a haven for gifted children, have passed for acceptance for next year. But perhaps for 5th? I am not sure how it works to come into the program late. Our HGC teachers talked a lot about how to help the kids cooperate and listen to each other... they seemed attuned to some of the typical social challenges for bright kids.

And OP, I say this with all the love in the world, since I see this in my own family. There is a very good chance that the intensity and sensitivity that your child bears is causing him to overreact. And that he is immature. It is not necessarily a case of misinterpretation. Be careful that you do not make too many excuses for him, since failing to hold him accountable to himself could lead him to develop a lot of insecurity and anxiety. Some children have to work very hard at learning to read. Some have to put in the hard work for social skills. An environment which ignores his needs is terrible, of course, and I am sure you are trying to help him, but just do check in on yourself and assess whether you could expect more from him in the behavior department, even if his awareness does give him cause to become upset.

[Anonymous]

Is he in a structured, traditional private or a progressive one? If the former you could try the latter which is supposed to better meet each child and his/her level and close the IQ & accomplishment gap.

There is also Waldorf for K-6 or 8 which does not bore a gifted bright child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would your private school allow DS to do some of the online enrichment options from CTY during school? That might ease some of the frustrations for him.

In MoCo, it seems that the deadlines for 4th grade magnets, which are considered a haven for gifted children, have passed for acceptance for next year. But perhaps for 5th? I am not sure how it works to come into the program late. Our HGC teachers talked a lot about how to help the kids cooperate and listen to each other... they seemed attuned to some of the typical social challenges for bright kids.

And OP, I say this with all the love in the world, since I see this in my own family. There is a very good chance that the intensity and sensitivity that your child bears is causing him to overreact. And that he is immature. It is not necessarily a case of misinterpretation. Be careful that you do not make too many excuses for him, since failing to hold him accountable to himself could lead him to develop a lot of insecurity and anxiety. Some children have to work very hard at learning to read. Some have to put in the hard work for social skills. An environment which ignores his needs is terrible, of course, and I am sure you are trying to help him, but just do check in on yourself and assess whether you could expect more from him in the behavior department, even if his awareness does give him cause to become upset.

PP, I appreciate your advice and how kindly it is meant. We do not lower our behavioral expectations. However, please understand that for sensitive children who feel bombarded by emotional and other stimuli, it is more of a challenge for them to maintain their equilibrium. Just as you note, some kids have dyslexia or ADHD, or are challenged in reading or math. They will need more help to reach certain targets.

Gifted kids whose sensitivity means that they are processing more inputs at greater levels of intensity need extra help and support figuring out how to handle them and respond appropriately, rather than being shamed that they are not like other kids. It’s no longer okay to call kids with ADHD or dyslexia dumb or slow, but it’s perfectly okay to call a gifted, sensitive kid “immature” and “over reactive.”

[Anonymous]

Emotional needs - sounds like that is a cop out for bad behavior and its something you need to address at home. Many kids are gifted in this area, lots of smart parents. Supplement at home or don't worry about it. Kid will be just fine.