5th grade girls - is this typical?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids whose popularity is based on high status stuff are the same ones who will have trouble adjusting to adulthood because they their lifestyle can't be sustained on entry level incomes, but go right ahead and buy those iPhones and Montcler jackets for your fifth grader. Just plan on also providing a status car at 16, a status college with sorority membership, a status apartment with Pottery Barn furnishings for sophomore year and beyond. You'll also need to furnish downpayment on house and private school tuition for her kids.

Something tells me you were not popular in middle school. Time to move beyond it.

[Anonymous]

For the poster who mentioned "alcohol, vaping, drugs, sex". Sex is not deviant behavior, not when age appropriate. Way to be unnecessarily dramatic. All that's being mentioned is "talk". Talk among girls who know very, very little who are just becoming curious-enough to want to talk and learn what others know about boys and the birds 'n bees vs girls who don't want to talk about boy-stuff at all.

[Anonymous]

So, if my daughter isn't part of the "popular" crowd in 5th grade and is struggling with some friends acting weird, I should sigh from relief b/c she isn't jumping into boy-crazy too early? OK. I still struggle to see those 10 year old as being interested in boys, but some posters are pretty adamant about it. If my DD were in 11th grade and this was happening, I'd wonder, but it seems perfectly normal for 10 year olds to still be kids, not hormone-driven mini-teens.

[Anonymous]

All due respect, why does every parent of a non "popular" kid always blame other kids for being mean? For one, it seems like nobody can ever imagine their own kid being a jerk or weirdo that is pushing peers away. And two, it implies entitlement to popularity--and a spot at the cool table, invites to all the cool parties, etc. If everyone was built for popularity, it wouldn't hold a high status.

[Anonymous]

I have no interest in my kid joining the "popular" crowd. I've seen them in action and watched as one other kid of a parent I know got targeted by them this summer. So, yes, I do believe my kid when she tells me that her one friend acts differently when she's hanging with one of them than when they are spending time together. Only time will tell how that plays out. "Popular" in terms of school doesn't necessarily mean well-liked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All due respect, why does every parent of a non "popular" kid always blame other kids for being mean? For one, it seems like nobody can ever imagine their own kid being a jerk or weirdo that is pushing peers away. And two, it implies entitlement to popularity--and a spot at the cool table, invites to all the cool parties, etc. If everyone was built for popularity, it wouldn't hold a high status.

This is the weirdest response. "Popular" kids, however it is defined, tend to be very insular and exclusionary. That has always been the case and it's the case in my DD's 5th grade. And when those kids are friends who used to hand out with you but now barely acknowledge you, yeah, it's hurtful.

The rest of your post about status and entitlement to popularity is almost too stupid to respond to. I'm just fine with my DD not peaking in popularity in 5th grade. As others point out, i prefer her to be well-liked, which is not the same thing as popular. And, I also don't prefer the behavior of some of the "popular" kids, some of whom I know well. I'm sad the kids who were friends are little jerks now; I'm not sad she's not in that crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is typical, and unfortunately it gets worse until college or young adulthood. This is why most of my friends were guys in high school.

So the idea that girls are all drama and social games, and guys are straightforward no-drama types, is actually sexism. If you couldn't find any girls in high school who didn't play social games, that says something about you, not about girls.

Please, guys are just as bad, they just socially manipulate differently than girls.

+ 1 million

The stories my DH tells...

[Anonymous]

It was like this in 1987, when I was in 5th grade. 6th (still in ES at the time) was the peak. Seemed to decrease quite a bit by 7th or 8th, mostly gone by 9th or 10th. Doesn't feel "new."

[Anonymous]

This was when the middle school meanness really got started for my daughter. I moved her to a private school which didn't solve the issues entirely but it was kept much more under control.

[Anonymous]

We've had foreign exchange students who can't believe the meanness in high school. This is not acceptable in all cultures. It's often encouraged by moms who get their daughters together and exclude others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the poster who mentioned "alcohol, vaping, drugs, sex". Sex is not deviant behavior, not when age appropriate. Way to be unnecessarily dramatic. All that's being mentioned is "talk". Talk among girls who know very, very little who are just becoming curious-enough to want to talk and learn what others know about boys and the birds 'n bees vs girls who don't want to talk about boy-stuff at all.

Girls getting on their knees at parties for the popular boys is deviant behavior. It's out of control. Lots of oral STDs going around according to my best friend, a nurse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All due respect, why does every parent of a non "popular" kid always blame other kids for being mean? For one, it seems like nobody can ever imagine their own kid being a jerk or weirdo that is pushing peers away. And two, it implies entitlement to popularity--and a spot at the cool table, invites to all the cool parties, etc. If everyone was built for popularity, it wouldn't hold a high status.

This is the weirdest response. "Popular" kids, however it is defined, tend to be very insular and exclusionary. That has always been the case and it's the case in my DD's 5th grade. And when those kids are friends who used to hand out with you but now barely acknowledge you, yeah, it's hurtful.

The rest of your post about status and entitlement to popularity is almost too stupid to respond to. I'm just fine with my DD not peaking in popularity in 5th grade. As others point out, i prefer her to be well-liked, which is not the same thing as popular. And, I also don't prefer the behavior of some of the "popular" kids, some of whom I know well. I'm sad the kids who were friends are little jerks now; I'm not sad she's not in that crowd.

I wish our kids new each other, PP. I've been watching my DD's longest best friend change over the year and it's very sad. She used to be the most inclusive and kind kid I know, but has become secretive and snappy. It's really hard on my kid. I've been encouraging my DD to branch out, but I can't do it for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want your kid to confident and self-assured relative to their age, and to avoid silly issues, then get your kid active and involved in activities. Sports, art, church, scouts, music, dance , volunteer work, etc. . .

A kid with other friend groups can blow by lots of petty crap.

Astute advice

Busy and driven kids don’t have time for this shit

But if you’re finishing out a year in a small school with no current options, it sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want your kid to confident and self-assured relative to their age, and to avoid silly issues, then get your kid active and involved in activities. Sports, art, church, scouts, music, dance , volunteer work, etc. . .

A kid with other friend groups can blow by lots of petty crap.

Astute advice

Busy and driven kids don’t have time for this shit

But if you’re finishing out a year in a small school with no current options, it sucks.

Also, it's not true. My kid is ridiculously busy, but this stuff happens at school. No amount of afterschool activities makes it not sting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want your kid to confident and self-assured relative to their age, and to avoid silly issues, then get your kid active and involved in activities. Sports, art, church, scouts, music, dance , volunteer work, etc. . .

A kid with other friend groups can blow by lots of petty crap.

Astute advice

Busy and driven kids don’t have time for this shit

But if you’re finishing out a year in a small school with no current options, it sucks.

Also, it's not true. My kid is ridiculously busy, but this stuff happens at school. No amount of afterschool activities makes it not sting.

+1

I think the previous poster meant "stupid advice" not "astute advice"

Basically it's the kind of thing that adults tell themselves so they don't have to worry about their child or be involved with them emotionally.