5th grade girls - is this typical?

[Anonymous]

^^ It doesn't mean that parent is "hands off" or doesn't care, if the parent doesn't micromanage every last friendship sequence. To allow things to evolve organically, you are giving your child a tremendous gift, not least of which is choosing their battles wisely.

[Anonymous]

It's about boys. Some girls have matured enough to be boy-crazy, others are not either because they aren't physically mature enough yet, or it's not on their minds. These sets of girls are very different, like different species. The exclusion is this, primarily. "Popular" means able to talk to boys. The girls believe they may be ready to consider having a boyfriend (tame but still a big change from being little girls) They are talking about behavior that other girls aren't prepared to hear, and it might be shocking to hear (... what is 2nd base? what is third base?.. I don't know what that is ...but gross ...) and they know these topics shouldn't be shared -yet- with all girls. Girls who aren't (yet) of this boy-focused mindset, or just aren't, aren't part of their group and are a bothersome reminder of their little-girl past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's about boys. Some girls have matured enough to be boy-crazy, others are not either because they aren't physically mature enough yet, or it's not on their minds. These sets of girls are very different, like different species. The exclusion is this, primarily. "Popular" means able to talk to boys. The girls believe they may be ready to consider having a boyfriend (tame but still a big change from being little girls) They are talking about behavior that other girls aren't prepared to hear, and it might be shocking to hear (... what is 2nd base? what is third base?.. I don't know what that is ...but gross ...) and they know these topics shouldn't be shared -yet- with all girls. Girls who aren't (yet) of this boy-focused mindset, or just aren't, aren't part of their group and are a bothersome reminder of their little-girl past.

This is utter nonsense.

[Anonymous]

cause girls never like boys ....

[Anonymous]

No. Just the end part about it knowing they shouldn’t share with those that aren’t precocious. The OP is talked g about 10 year olds.

[Anonymous]

It is not always about boys, certainly not in 5th grade. Maybe a little bit of that (i.e.: competition for boys) is happening in high school, but really - not to the extent you think, PP.

[Anonymous]

But there's talk. And it's just talk, but girls who aren't ready to like boys aren't included.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But there's talk. And it's just talk, but girls who aren't ready to like boys aren't included.

You are missing the point. Tweens and teens change friends often, and if parents would just MYOB (about that very specific topic), they will see that friends get back together, and go back and forth, and it's okay. Parents trying to micromanage their tweens and teens friends and friendships - is NOT okay - it handicaps the tween/teen from learning very important life skills. You aren't rescuing/helping your tween/teen by interfering with who hangs out with whom - you can very easily end up ostracizing your tween/teen, which I am sure you do not want - right? It is really quite simple, and the topic of this post. If you think that tween/teen friends change because of any other one reason, you know nothing about tweens and teens, and their psychology. Get some parenting books or hire a professional, if you must, but learn to be more hands off, if you are the type to try to micromanage that. Some parents have control issues (and other issues) - which is fine, but don't impose them on your tween/teen - find new tactics and coping skills of your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But there's talk. And it's just talk, but girls who aren't ready to like boys aren't included.

You are missing the point. Tweens and teens change friends often, and if parents would just MYOB (about that very specific topic), they will see that friends get back together, and go back and forth, and it's okay. Parents trying to micromanage their tweens and teens friends and friendships - is NOT okay - it handicaps the tween/teen from learning very important life skills. You aren't rescuing/helping your tween/teen by interfering with who hangs out with whom - you can very easily end up ostracizing your tween/teen, which I am sure you do not want - right? It is really quite simple, and the topic of this post. If you think that tween/teen friends change because of any other one reason, you know nothing about tweens and teens, and their psychology. Get some parenting books or hire a professional, if you must, but learn to be more hands off, if you are the type to try to micromanage that. Some parents have control issues (and other issues) - which is fine, but don't impose them on your tween/teen - find new tactics and coping skills of your own.

I think you are kind of overreacting to this topic. The OP didn't ask if she should micromanage and I didn't get the impression that there is a dating scene in 5th grade. The OP was looking for feedback on whether this weird behavior was normal and what, if anything, she could do to help her child navigate the new rocky road. Maybe this should have been in the elementary forum b/c it sounds like you are more focused on HS kids. Also, it's obvious some parent sent you an email when your kid started acting like a jerk and you still haven't gotten over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There seems to be a lot of exclusion or random meanness hailing in the 5th grade at my daughter’s school. It started with kids being label as popular. How does that happen in ES? Apparently, those girls, “like to gossip and talk to boys a lot.” I’m not sure what that even means as I heard it from another girl. Then, some girls started finding ways to have lunch outside the cafeteria, but act secretive about it when asked. I’m not talking about a lunch club with the guidance counselor. They were using it to be exclusive. The teachers shut down one of their lunch clubs, but it doesn’t seem to have gone away. Just recently, my daughter’s BFF came up to her with and ther girl and said things meant to hurt her feelings and exclude her. I tried to figure out if there was a trigger, but it seems just random. WTH is going on? What is my roll and how do I help my daughter navigate what seems to be a much more complicated social world?

Other PP, what email? I think you are deflecting, but kudos to your imagination! Fifth graders are about age 10 to 11, so yes, they are tweens. Boys are not as big an issue in fifth grade as you seem to think they are - maybe for you they were. There is always THAT girl.

[Anonymous]

Um, the only PP who thinks boys are a big deal for 5th graders is the one who said the boy-crazy girls are more mature and know not to mingle with those who are age appropriate. I think two PPs has their lines crossed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's about boys. Some girls have matured enough to be boy-crazy, others are not either because they aren't physically mature enough yet, or it's not on their minds. These sets of girls are very different, like different species. The exclusion is this, primarily. "Popular" means able to talk to boys. The girls believe they may be ready to consider having a boyfriend (tame but still a big change from being little girls) They are talking about behavior that other girls aren't prepared to hear, and it might be shocking to hear (... what is 2nd base? what is third base?.. I don't know what that is ...but gross ...) and they know these topics shouldn't be shared -yet- with all girls. Girls who aren't (yet) of this boy-focused mindset, or just aren't, aren't part of their group and are a bothersome reminder of their little-girl past.

You hit the nail on the head. Every bit of it. I have one DD on each end of the spectrum so I've experienced both sides.

[Anonymous]

It is on target and then the topics just become more sophisticated as the years go on -- alcohol, vaping, drugs, sex. Those getting to those issues first are the "fast" crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is on target and then the topics just become more sophisticated as the years go on -- alcohol, vaping, drugs, sex. Those getting to those issues first are the "fast" crowd.

+1

Some kids are "faster" than others. If the majority of the kids don't want to hang out with that kid, it's okay. But it is NOT bullying if the majority of the kids don't want to hang out with the fast (sometimes troubled) kids. Take care of your own home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my daughter is also in 5th and I've observed (directly observed and heard about from my daughter) some really mean stuff. Girls actively saying "You're not allowed to be around us".
This is in a grade of previously really nice and goofy girls---no mean girl stuff at all until 5th grade.
Some others are "on it" right away. Others are oblivious and others seems to actively condone is "5th grade girls will be 5th grade girls".
It's frustrating.

Tell your DD to respond, "if I'm not allowed to be around you you need to move away" or "then why are you tslking to me?" Your DD does not need to move away. The mean girls do.