Women, be honest, if your husband was fat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a turn-off. My DH has always been overweight, but when we dated/got married I was trying to be a good person and not make my romantic decisions based on looks. We had okay sex back when we were dating, but there was never really any intense attraction or chemistry.

Now I'm not really attracted at all and have little interest in sex. And as a PP stated, it's also about the behavior around being fat. Anytime we go to a restaurant he asks for the largest item on the menu and I watch him wolf down the entire thing. It's disgusting. He also sits around all day doing nothing, which is a huge turn-off. I work really hard to maintain the body I had in my 20s, it's frustrating that he won't do the same. To make things worse, I recently ran into an ex who had the most incredible body I'd ever seen when we dated, and it's gotten even better. The guy was nuts, but I miss being that attracted to someone.

There are a lot of positives in our relationship, and we certainly won't get divorced over it, but what I wouldn't do to run my hands over a six pack again!

Women should get to have two men - one for stability and one for physical chemistry! Its not possible to have everything in one person.

How sad for you. I have both in DH even though he's gained about 20 pounds over the last decade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH did get extremely fat. I could hardly stomach having sex with him. The wonderful thing about being a heterosexual female is that you can tell your partner "You are fat lose weight and then I'll start have sex with you again". My husband didn't like my message, but he wasn't mortally wounded by reality, so he lost 80lbs and looks even better than the day we married and we now have a healthy sex life. It's nice to be married to a desireable man who is motivated to be, and remain healthy.

you are basically saying:
1) sex is not a motivating force for women, whereas sex highly motivates a man
2) women are offended by being called fat, whereas men can handle such criticism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a turn-off. My DH has always been overweight, but when we dated/got married I was trying to be a good person and not make my romantic decisions based on looks. We had okay sex back when we were dating, but there was never really any intense attraction or chemistry.

Now I'm not really attracted at all and have little interest in sex. And as a PP stated, it's also about the behavior around being fat. Anytime we go to a restaurant he asks for the largest item on the menu and I watch him wolf down the entire thing. It's disgusting. He also sits around all day doing nothing, which is a huge turn-off. I work really hard to maintain the body I had in my 20s, it's frustrating that he won't do the same. To make things worse, I recently ran into an ex who had the most incredible body I'd ever seen when we dated, and it's gotten even better. The guy was nuts, but I miss being that attracted to someone.

There are a lot of positives in our relationship, and we certainly won't get divorced over it, but what I wouldn't do to run my hands over a six pack again!

Women should get to have two men - one for stability and one for physical chemistry! Its not possible to have everything in one person.

Agree! I have my two picked out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH did get extremely fat. I could hardly stomach having sex with him. The wonderful thing about being a heterosexual female is that you can tell your partner "You are fat lose weight and then I'll start have sex with you again". My husband didn't like my message, but he wasn't mortally wounded by reality, so he lost 80lbs and looks even better than the day we married and we now have a healthy sex life. It's nice to be married to a desireable man who is motivated to be, and remain healthy.

No way in hell a heterosexual man could say that to his wife without utterly crushing her spirit and confidence.

Yup, which is exactly why I'm so glad I'm a heterosexual woman. I would never ever be able to deal with the hypersensitivities of most women. Of course there are exceptions on both sides.

My DH wanted sex, i wanted the fit man i first married back in order to want to have sex. He took that seriously, double downed and i got a man hotter and harder than the one I married. He's not complaining now.

Did he really not make the connection between his weight gain and your lack of desire until you told him to lose weight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a turn-off. My DH has always been overweight, but when we dated/got married I was trying to be a good person and not make my romantic decisions based on looks. We had okay sex back when we were dating, but there was never really any intense attraction or chemistry.

Now I'm not really attracted at all and have little interest in sex. And as a PP stated, it's also about the behavior around being fat. Anytime we go to a restaurant he asks for the largest item on the menu and I watch him wolf down the entire thing. It's disgusting. He also sits around all day doing nothing, which is a huge turn-off. I work really hard to maintain the body I had in my 20s, it's frustrating that he won't do the same. To make things worse, I recently ran into an ex who had the most incredible body I'd ever seen when we dated, and it's gotten even better. The guy was nuts, but I miss being that attracted to someone.

There are a lot of positives in our relationship, and we certainly won't get divorced over it, but what I wouldn't do to run my hands over a six pack again!

50yo male here with 6 pack and a low libido (and fat!) wife.
Say again what would you do with those hands?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a turn-off. My DH has always been overweight, but when we dated/got married I was trying to be a good person and not make my romantic decisions based on looks. We had okay sex back when we were dating, but there was never really any intense attraction or chemistry.

Now I'm not really attracted at all and have little interest in sex. And as a PP stated, it's also about the behavior around being fat. Anytime we go to a restaurant he asks for the largest item on the menu and I watch him wolf down the entire thing. It's disgusting. He also sits around all day doing nothing, which is a huge turn-off. I work really hard to maintain the body I had in my 20s, it's frustrating that he won't do the same. To make things worse, I recently ran into an ex who had the most incredible body I'd ever seen when we dated, and it's gotten even better. The guy was nuts, but I miss being that attracted to someone.

There are a lot of positives in our relationship, and we certainly won't get divorced over it, but what I wouldn't do to run my hands over a six pack again!

Women should get to have two men - one for stability and one for physical chemistry! Its not possible to have everything in one person.

Just remember, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH did get extremely fat. I could hardly stomach having sex with him. The wonderful thing about being a heterosexual female is that you can tell your partner "You are fat lose weight and then I'll start have sex with you again". My husband didn't like my message, but he wasn't mortally wounded by reality, so he lost 80lbs and looks even better than the day we married and we now have a healthy sex life. It's nice to be married to a desireable man who is motivated to be, and remain healthy.

No way in hell a heterosexual man could say that to his wife without utterly crushing her spirit and confidence.

Yup, which is exactly why I'm so glad I'm a heterosexual woman. I would never ever be able to deal with the hypersensitivities of most women. Of course there are exceptions on both sides.

My DH wanted sex, i wanted the fit man i first married back in order to want to have sex. He took that seriously, double downed and i got a man hotter and harder than the one I married. He's not complaining now.

Did he really not make the connection between his weight gain and your lack of desire until you told him to lose weight?

Men are literal creatures. Just forthrightly tell them what you want in order to have more/better sex, they will be happy to oblige (within reason). He was probably happy with how she looked, so he never stopped to think "How do I look from her perspective?"

Again, this is a classic case of Men = Mars, Women = Venus. A man could never, ever, EVER say to his wife that she needs to lose weight in order to become more sexually attracted. The rules aren't fair, but that's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a turn-off. My DH has always been overweight, but when we dated/got married I was trying to be a good person and not make my romantic decisions based on looks. We had okay sex back when we were dating, but there was never really any intense attraction or chemistry.

Now I'm not really attracted at all and have little interest in sex. And as a PP stated, it's also about the behavior around being fat. Anytime we go to a restaurant he asks for the largest item on the menu and I watch him wolf down the entire thing. It's disgusting. He also sits around all day doing nothing, which is a huge turn-off. I work really hard to maintain the body I had in my 20s, it's frustrating that he won't do the same. To make things worse, I recently ran into an ex who had the most incredible body I'd ever seen when we dated, and it's gotten even better. The guy was nuts, but I miss being that attracted to someone.

There are a lot of positives in our relationship, and we certainly won't get divorced over it, but what I wouldn't do to run my hands over a six pack again!

Women should get to have two men - one for stability and one for physical chemistry! Its not possible to have everything in one person.

Agree! I have my two picked out

Who is the chemistry guy? Why did you pick him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH did get extremely fat. I could hardly stomach having sex with him. The wonderful thing about being a heterosexual female is that you can tell your partner "You are fat lose weight and then I'll start have sex with you again". My husband didn't like my message, but he wasn't mortally wounded by reality, so he lost 80lbs and looks even better than the day we married and we now have a healthy sex life. It's nice to be married to a desireable man who is motivated to be, and remain healthy.

No way in hell a heterosexual man could say that to his wife without utterly crushing her spirit and confidence.

Yup, which is exactly why I'm so glad I'm a heterosexual woman. I would never ever be able to deal with the hypersensitivities of most women. Of course there are exceptions on both sides.

My DH wanted sex, i wanted the fit man i first married back in order to want to have sex. He took that seriously, double downed and i got a man hotter and harder than the one I married. He's not complaining now.

Did he really not make the connection between his weight gain and your lack of desire until you told him to lose weight?

Men are literal creatures. Just forthrightly tell them what you want in order to have more/better sex, they will be happy to oblige (within reason). He was probably happy with how she looked, so he never stopped to think "How do I look from her perspective?"

Again, this is a classic case of Men = Mars, Women = Venus. A man could never, ever, EVER say to his wife that she needs to lose weight in order to become more sexually attracted. The rules aren't fair, but that's life.

So true. I'm still not comfortable telling him he's fat and I find it a turn off.

[Anonymous]

Yes, and yes! I love my husband no matter what and gaining weight would not change how I feel about him. I would still jump on top of him any chance I got.

[Anonymous]

My husband IS fat.
He gets laid more than most men on this site...by me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The double standards between this thread and the one about fatter wives is astounding. it's ok for a wife to lose interest when he gets big, but not the other way around, got it.

Weight looks different on men and women. Never in the history of time have fat men been idealized

Except for most of human history? I have trouble believing some of you on here ever revived a higher education. Fat men were often wealthy men for most of history because they were the only ones who could afford to get fat. Seriously, go look at a museum and see what noble medieval armor looked like (hint it was built for a lot of NFL lineman in mind). This fat bast@%! literally created a new religion so his new hot plaything could become his trophy wife.

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha I don't think you know what the word "idealized" means. Hint: it doesn't mean universally made fun of, as Henry VII.

I repeat: fat men have never in the history of time been idealized. Never.

"Idealized-Regard or represent as perfect or better than in reality." According to the OED I think i realize exactly what it means. Let's ask a simple question. If you had to go back in time to another life would you rather be woman with all the rights that entailed, a minority who was so well treated in that economic system, a skinny peasant thin and muscular from working his lords crops all the time or would it be a cushier life to be this fat f@#%. I'm not arguing that fat is attractive today. I'm not arguing it's healthy to be fat. I'm 6'3" and 195 so don't think is a personal front. I do however take an issue with such a blatantly stupid and false statement. For most of human history fat men were idealized, they set fashion trends ruled lands and countries. Fat used to be a symbol of power. Of plenty, abundance etc. All things we still love today, now it's just supplanted by money.

Henry the VIII wasn't widely made fun of. He was one of the most powerful monarchs of his time. Just like this fat dude

Dude. He was powerful because he was born as a king. He was widely ridiculed at the time for his obesity. For you to say his body was idealized either shows, again, a total lack of knowledge of what the word "idealized" means, or a desperate attempt to skirt the issue. This is not about did "have all fat men had horrible lives" this is about "what male figure was idealized" and the reality of that is that it has never, ever been fat men. This is contrast to fat female figures which have been idealized fairly consistently throughout history.

You asked why the double standard exists- that's part of it. It is what it is. No amount of sting pictures of Jabba the Hut and claiming because he had a slave his figure is "idealized" is going to convince anyone

Powerful=Fat. That's what you're missing. Only kings and nobles could be fat during the time, I'm not saying they were the male models of the middle ages, but they were the men everyone wanted to be. Much like idealization. Umberto Eco wrote about this very thing in the History of Beauty and talked about the changing attitudes during the renaissance and Victorian era's if you actually want to read a historian's take.

Right, we're not talking about power, political or otherwise. We're talking about the physical body and what has been idealized, purely physically, throughout time. Which has never been fat.

Next you're going to try to tell me that Harvey Weinstein is the current model of male beauty since he's got power. I don't think you understand the subject we're talking about, to put it kindly.

Someone said fat men have never been idealized in all of human history and they didn't say that that was just limited to the physical realm of beauty. That, as these examples show is not true for one simple reason; for most of human a man's value has not been determined by his level of physical attraction. The look of a man simply matters less to most women than the reverse. Wealth, power, influence were historically more important. That is still idealization, it's just a realistic one. Fat guys used to be the catch.

Some of that still rings true today. If you asked me who I think is more likely to have a hot spouse, Harvey Weinstein or Rosie O'Donnell most betting people will pick the fat guy every time.

Yes I said that- let me clarify- fatness on men has never been idealized. Are we clear now?

As for your claims about the look of a man mattering less to women- that is some magical thinking and straight up delusion. But I'm glad we have reached agreement that I was saying fatness on men has never been idealized which I think everyone can agree is true. And yet fatness on women has been idealized. Yay! Clarification!

+100000. You have a lot of patience to still be trying to help this fat man understand that no one idealizes him or has ever idealized fat men. You're doing the Lord's work.

[Anonymous]

No I wouldn't be happy about it and I don't know if I'd have sex with him.

[Anonymous]

Sex can be great exercise. If you want to help him lose weight, maybe you should increase the frequency. Screw him til he's sore. Make it so he needs to get off the couch and out of the house so you can't attack him again.

[Anonymous]

I love that you can tell men to lose weight and they do it. I don't get women that can't take any criticism even when stated kindly. No way would I have sex with an obese man. It's gross thinking about it.