Ladies - Does actively pursuing a man you like work? Anyone got their hubby this way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I flirted with and pursued my husband. He adores and loves me and treats me like a queen every day. He is shy and would not have pursued me had I not made it very obviously known that I was into him.

I think the above approach works. It is not the same as "chasing" and bending over backwards. It's basically what I did. Keep in mind many men have fragile egos -- they are less like to ask out a woman if there is a chance they will be turned down. They want a sure thing - ( I am not advocating being sexually "easy")
BTW- I am struggling with how to relay this life lesson to college age daughter. Anyone been there done that?

I don't think that's true.

Many men want a prize. There's a cognitive bias that makes people think that something they invest a lot of time in has a high value.

The want a prize thing: my understanding is that's how women think, not men. I have been interested in women and married the one based on their presence - appearance, personally, behavior - not their popularity. So I think you're wrong there.

The fragile ego/sure thing statement: relentless rejection is the reality. Just look at this forum. How damn often do women post about salary or job requirements in a guy that eliminate the vast majority of the available men in even an affluent jurisdiction? Other strict requirements? (Men by comparison are merely looking for not fat, not horrible company, no vow of chastity, and not currently wanted by the law. Ok, in this state. For murder.)

Men who are smart and educated are looking for a smart educated gal. Works both ways - smart educated ladies want a smart guy too. Intellectual mismatch gets old quickly.

A lie. The thing is, it is noteworthy to meet a woman in this area without a college degree and a minimum required level of intelligence and of education. It's not worth putting on the list. Stop sneering at other women who might be less successful in business than you or with fewer degrees. This isn't a job interview.

And with regard to smart babies ... you realize education isn't inherited, right?

Business would be the antithesis of intellectual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on what you mean by pursue. I think it's fine to take the initiative and express interest or ask someone out. This is true online or in real life--approach and ask out. If the answer is anything other than a clear yes, I'd walk away.

Once you initiate and make it known you're interested by asking out, I think it pays to sit back and let him pursue.

I met my DH online, and I made initial contact. I don't think we'd have found each other otherwise. In fact, he'd looked at my profile but not contacted me. I took a chance and reached out. He responded positively right away. He had multiple things going on at the time (dating-wise and with work) and just hadn't felt compelled to initiate. Once I did, though--he did the pursuing. We're both grateful to this day that I reached out.

That said, if he hadn't shown immediate interest and followed up consistently, I wouldn't have kept up the pursuit.

This. Expressing an interest is fine. It would be awkward for someone to ask you out at work absent of any signals you were interested.

[Anonymous]

Over a year ago, a beautiful coworker who works in my area broke the ice by saying, "I'm seeing a lot of you today. It must be a sign." That little ice breaker made me feel comfortable enough to send her an email with a light joke about something that happened in the office. I can now confidently say we love each other. I don't think her DH or my DW would be very happy about that, but it was a great opening line!