Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else here whose DW convinced them to get a V after two children and then DW only agreed to sex once a month? 12 condoms a year and I could have kept my sperm making ability.

For what?

You divorce or your DW died. After a long mourning you meet a woman that wants to have your baby. I think this is a HUGE reason DW's insist on a V. I actually have a distant relative who insisted that her 27yo DH get a V after baby#2. Her reasoning was that she didn't want her babies to have to share his support with any new kids from another if the got divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else here whose DW convinced them to get a V after two children and then DW only agreed to sex once a month? 12 condoms a year and I could have kept my sperm making ability.

For what?

Gosh you people are dense - for the new young wife when you either die in a horrible accident or stop having sex with him.
The new young wife will want kids you see.

The young new wife will have 2 (in my case anyway) beautiful children on weekends and summers (at a minimum), plus child support payments taking a nice bite out of his income for the next however many years. I'll also send a lovely wedding gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else here whose DW convinced them to get a V after two children and then DW only agreed to sex once a month? 12 condoms a year and I could have kept my sperm making ability.

For what?

Gosh you people are dense - for the new young wife when you either die in a horrible accident or stop having sex with him.
The new young wife will want kids you see.

The young new wife will have 2 (in my case anyway) beautiful children on weekends and summers (at a minimum), plus child support payments taking a nice bite out of his income for the next however many years. I'll also send a lovely wedding gift.

That is nice of you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else here whose DW convinced them to get a V after two children and then DW only agreed to sex once a month? 12 condoms a year and I could have kept my sperm making ability.

For what?

Pigs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another person who would consider divorce.

If my husband watched me go through what I've been through with pregnancy and didn't volunteer for this when we decided we were done having children I don't even know what I would do. It would be so grossly inconsiderate and unfair.

You seem pretty a-ok with it, more mildly annoyed than viscerally angry OP. Its your life but I'd value myself more than you seem to. This is like...a character flaw which means he values his own body SIGNIFICANTLY more than yours (because the risks in this case are so lopsided). This would be a marriage risking fight for me.

His body, his choice, amirite?

Yes of course, and there are consequences and contexts to choices. I'm not saying he should be legally compelled to get his tubes tied. I believe there are also pretty severe consequences when a woman unilaterally chooses to get an abortion while in a relationship with a man without discussing it with him and taking his feelings into account.

The thing with this is that his choices and my choices have collectively led to my body taking on a significant strain in both the having and preventing of having children (via pregnancy, birth, birth control pills etc). He will have enjoyed the consequences of my body bearing those burdens for many many years. I believe it would be grossly unfair to refuse to take on a minor 48 hour burden to help me, his partner in life, not have to take further strain on my own body, which will have done more than its share in our family planning efforts to that point.

Tubal ligation is a minor outpatient procedure. Go get it done. Since you're not opposed to "minor 48 hour burdens" this should be no problem for you.

[Anonymous]

OP, don't you think that it's selfish to block him from having more kids with someone else if you get divorced?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would divorce over this. I'm not kidding.

She is having a baby and this is what you say? Monster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, don't you think that it's selfish to block him from having more kids with someone else if you get divorced?

You know he can still have children.

It doesn't stop the production of spermicide.

[Anonymous]

^^^ sperm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another person who would consider divorce.

If my husband watched me go through what I've been through with pregnancy and didn't volunteer for this when we decided we were done having children I don't even know what I would do. It would be so grossly inconsiderate and unfair.

You seem pretty a-ok with it, more mildly annoyed than viscerally angry OP. Its your life but I'd value myself more than you seem to. This is like...a character flaw which means he values his own body SIGNIFICANTLY more than yours (because the risks in this case are so lopsided). This would be a marriage risking fight for me.

His body, his choice, amirite?

Yes of course, and there are consequences and contexts to choices. I'm not saying he should be legally compelled to get his tubes tied. I believe there are also pretty severe consequences when a woman unilaterally chooses to get an abortion while in a relationship with a man without discussing it with him and taking his feelings into account.

The thing with this is that his choices and my choices have collectively led to my body taking on a significant strain in both the having and preventing of having children (via pregnancy, birth, birth control pills etc). He will have enjoyed the consequences of my body bearing those burdens for many many years. I believe it would be grossly unfair to refuse to take on a minor 48 hour burden to help me, his partner in life, not have to take further strain on my own body, which will have done more than its share in our family planning efforts to that point.

Tubal ligation is a minor outpatient procedure. Go get it done. Since you're not opposed to "minor 48 hour burdens" this should be no problem for you.

This is a false premise. Tubal ligation requires general anesthesia and is essentially abdominal surgery. And I haven't been opposed to minor 48 hour burdens when I was recovering from c-sections for two weeks, going through pregnancies for nine months, or enduring the side effects of birth control for decades.

This is like if I went to the grocery store and had 100 bags of groceries in the car and I unloaded 99 of them and then asked my husband to unload the last bag. And he looked at me and said I was unbelieveably selfish for asking him to take on that burden. It is unfair, plain and simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, don't you think that it's selfish to block him from having more kids with someone else if you get divorced?

This would be a difficult argument to make with the expectation of staying married. If my husband planned on leaving the marriage I would appreciate him just doing it rather then dragging it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else here whose DW convinced them to get a V after two children and then DW only agreed to sex once a month? 12 condoms a year and I could have kept my sperm making ability.

For what?

Gosh you people are dense - for the new young wife when you either die in a horrible accident or stop having sex with him.
The new young wife will want kids you see.

I think that's the reason my dh won't get it done also. He got very defensive after I brought it up. Apparently, I 'blinded him' when I brought it up.

[Anonymous]

There are still way more tubal ligations in the US than vasectomies, unfortunately. I belong one of the couples where the man should have had the vasectomy but I got the tubal. Lots of women are in OPs shoes and get the tubal, not that it makes it right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another person who would consider divorce.

If my husband watched me go through what I've been through with pregnancy and didn't volunteer for this when we decided we were done having children I don't even know what I would do. It would be so grossly inconsiderate and unfair.

You seem pretty a-ok with it, more mildly annoyed than viscerally angry OP. Its your life but I'd value myself more than you seem to. This is like...a character flaw which means he values his own body SIGNIFICANTLY more than yours (because the risks in this case are so lopsided). This would be a marriage risking fight for me.

His body, his choice, amirite?

Yes of course, and there are consequences and contexts to choices. I'm not saying he should be legally compelled to get his tubes tied. I believe there are also pretty severe consequences when a woman unilaterally chooses to get an abortion while in a relationship with a man without discussing it with him and taking his feelings into account.

The thing with this is that his choices and my choices have collectively led to my body taking on a significant strain in both the having and preventing of having children (via pregnancy, birth, birth control pills etc). He will have enjoyed the consequences of my body bearing those burdens for many many years. I believe it would be grossly unfair to refuse to take on a minor 48 hour burden to help me, his partner in life, not have to take further strain on my own body, which will have done more than its share in our family planning efforts to that point.

Tubal ligation is a minor outpatient procedure. Go get it done. Since you're not opposed to "minor 48 hour burdens" this should be no problem for you.

This is a false premise. Tubal ligation requires general anesthesia and is essentially abdominal surgery. And I haven't been opposed to minor 48 hour burdens when I was recovering from c-sections for two weeks, going through pregnancies for nine months, or enduring the side effects of birth control for decades.

This is like if I went to the grocery store and had 100 bags of groceries in the car and I unloaded 99 of them and then asked my husband to unload the last bag. And he looked at me and said I was unbelieveably selfish for asking him to take on that burden. It is unfair, plain and simple.

Nope. You can get tubal ligation with a spinal anesthetic. Takes 30 minutes. You go home the same day.

Compared to vasectomy, this is 50 bags and 50 bags.

[Anonymous]

Simple. With a tubal ligation YOU are preventing YOU from having any more children. When you ask HIM to get a vasectomy YOU are preventing HIM from having any more children.

Sound like YOU are the selfish one.