Anyone Convince DH to Get Vasectomy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Simple. With a tubal ligation YOU are preventing YOU from having any more children. When you ask HIM to get a vasectomy YOU are preventing HIM from having any more children.

Sound like YOU are the selfish one.

WE are done having children. HE is adamant does not want any more children, or HE is lying. Either way, YOUR point does not apply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, don't you think that it's selfish to block him from having more kids with someone else if you get divorced?

This would be a difficult argument to make with the expectation of staying married. If my husband planned on leaving the marriage I would appreciate him just doing it rather then dragging it out.

You are still raising children together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else here whose DW convinced them to get a V after two children and then DW only agreed to sex once a month? 12 condoms a year and I could have kept my sperm making ability.

For what?

Gosh you people are dense - for the new young wife when you either die in a horrible accident or stop having sex with him.
The new young wife will want kids you see.

I think that's the reason my dh won't get it done also. He got very defensive after I brought it up. Apparently, I 'blinded him' when I brought it up.

Mine didn't say I blinded him but very quickly said "What if you die?" To which I said, you want more kids after I'm dead? When you have our two theoretically devastated by their mother's death children to already contend with?

Not amused. Almost 2 years post having our last child and we sit here with no permanent solution. I'm festering angry about it. If I died tomorrow, he'd be in his mid 30s. Theoretically he'd have to go out and meet this new person to have new kids with. It infuriates me that he'd think he'd do that in such a quick time frame that he'd still be at an age where he'd want to have more kids, despite our youngest not even being two. You want to replace me before I'm cold in my grave and traumatize our kids further?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another person who would consider divorce.

If my husband watched me go through what I've been through with pregnancy and didn't volunteer for this when we decided we were done having children I don't even know what I would do. It would be so grossly inconsiderate and unfair.

You seem pretty a-ok with it, more mildly annoyed than viscerally angry OP. Its your life but I'd value myself more than you seem to. This is like...a character flaw which means he values his own body SIGNIFICANTLY more than yours (because the risks in this case are so lopsided). This would be a marriage risking fight for me.

His body, his choice, amirite?

Yes of course, and there are consequences and contexts to choices. I'm not saying he should be legally compelled to get his tubes tied. I believe there are also pretty severe consequences when a woman unilaterally chooses to get an abortion while in a relationship with a man without discussing it with him and taking his feelings into account.

The thing with this is that his choices and my choices have collectively led to my body taking on a significant strain in both the having and preventing of having children (via pregnancy, birth, birth control pills etc). He will have enjoyed the consequences of my body bearing those burdens for many many years. I believe it would be grossly unfair to refuse to take on a minor 48 hour burden to help me, his partner in life, not have to take further strain on my own body, which will have done more than its share in our family planning efforts to that point.

Tubal ligation is a minor outpatient procedure. Go get it done. Since you're not opposed to "minor 48 hour burdens" this should be no problem for you.

This is a false premise. Tubal ligation requires general anesthesia and is essentially abdominal surgery. And I haven't been opposed to minor 48 hour burdens when I was recovering from c-sections for two weeks, going through pregnancies for nine months, or enduring the side effects of birth control for decades.

This is like if I went to the grocery store and had 100 bags of groceries in the car and I unloaded 99 of them and then asked my husband to unload the last bag. And he looked at me and said I was unbelieveably selfish for asking him to take on that burden. It is unfair, plain and simple.

Nope. You can get tubal ligation with a spinal anesthetic. Takes 30 minutes. You go home the same day.

Compared to vasectomy, this is 50 bags and 50 bags.

You missed PP's point, which is that she's carried a whole lot of bags already, so she's banked all 99 of those before this decision even came up.

In any event, pretty much every doctor and website in the WORLD disagrees with you. A tubal ligation is much more involved than a vasectomy. Neither are open heart surgery, but the facts are the facts. The risks are higher, the anesthesia is more significant (even a spinal is more involved than pure local), the pain is greater, and the recovery time is longer.

[Anonymous]

He's terribly selfish, completely lacking empathy, and the men responding are horrible as well. Im so sorry you are in this position OP. His refusal to take any responsibility in supporting your partnered reproductive health is entirely childish. Assure him his wiener will still work after. Offer him a weekend on the couch with a case of beer and some pizza, cuddling some frozen peas. Tell him to grow the f@*k up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Simple. With a tubal ligation YOU are preventing YOU from having any more children. When you ask HIM to get a vasectomy YOU are preventing HIM from having any more children.

Sound like YOU are the selfish one.

Idiot. Procreation requires two partners. If THEY are done having kids either party can prevent pregnancy. OP has done her part - much more intensive, over many years. Her DH can do this one small thing. Unless HE is a selfish prick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, don't you think that it's selfish to block him from having more kids with someone else if you get divorced?

This would be a difficult argument to make with the expectation of staying married. If my husband planned on leaving the marriage I would appreciate him just doing it rather then dragging it out.

You are still raising children together.

But you don't have to sleep with and otherwise be a good spouse to someone who is just planning to leave.

[Anonymous]

So if you have health problems and insist your partner gets snipped, will you insist all other sexual partners for the remainder of your life get snipped also?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, don't you think that it's selfish to block him from having more kids with someone else if you get divorced?

This would be a difficult argument to make with the expectation of staying married. If my husband planned on leaving the marriage I would appreciate him just doing it rather then dragging it out.

You are still raising children together.

But you don't have to sleep with and otherwise be a good spouse to someone who is just planning to leave.

As long as you don't turn into his mother (or yours) he'll probably stay..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else here whose DW convinced them to get a V after two children and then DW only agreed to sex once a month? 12 condoms a year and I could have kept my sperm making ability.

For what?

Gosh you people are dense - for the new young wife when you either die in a horrible accident or stop having sex with him.
The new young wife will want kids you see.

I think that's the reason my dh won't get it done also. He got very defensive after I brought it up. Apparently, I 'blinded him' when I brought it up.

Mine didn't say I blinded him but very quickly said "What if you die?" To which I said, you want more kids after I'm dead? When you have our two theoretically devastated by their mother's death children to already contend with?

Not amused. Almost 2 years post having our last child and we sit here with no permanent solution. I'm festering angry about it. If I died tomorrow, he'd be in his mid 30s. Theoretically he'd have to go out and meet this new person to have new kids with. It infuriates me that he'd think he'd do that in such a quick time frame that he'd still be at an age where he'd want to have more kids, despite our youngest not even being two. You want to replace me before I'm cold in my grave and traumatize our kids further?

Sorry, snowflake, the fact of the matter is, you can be quickly and easily replaced even if you're not dead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Simple. With a tubal ligation YOU are preventing YOU from having any more children. When you ask HIM to get a vasectomy YOU are preventing HIM from having any more children.

Sound like YOU are the selfish one.

Idiot. Procreation requires two partners. If THEY are done having kids either party can prevent pregnancy. OP has done her part - much more intensive, over many years. Her DH can do this one small thing. Unless HE is a selfish prick.

The person who cares the most about the problem should fix it.

That's not him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So if you have health problems and insist your partner gets snipped, will you insist all other sexual partners for the remainder of your life get snipped also?

OP here - I will not have any other sexual partners during my fertile years. If DH dies or leaves, I'll be busy working and raising four children, not finding another dude. I should be good and old before I'd be interested in sleeping with anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Simple. With a tubal ligation YOU are preventing YOU from having any more children. When you ask HIM to get a vasectomy YOU are preventing HIM from having any more children.

Sound like YOU are the selfish one.

Idiot. Procreation requires two partners. If THEY are done having kids either party can prevent pregnancy. OP has done her part - much more intensive, over many years. Her DH can do this one small thing. Unless HE is a selfish prick.

So if we ask a severe mentally ill person to get sterilized it a crime against humanity. If you ask a healthy man to get sterilized and he says no then he is a selfish prick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if you have health problems and insist your partner gets snipped, will you insist all other sexual partners for the remainder of your life get snipped also?

OP here - I will not have any other sexual partners during my fertile years. If DH dies or leaves, I'll be busy working and raising four children, not finding another dude. I should be good and old before I'd be interested in sleeping with anyone.

Glad you can go 10 years without sex because I know I can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else here whose DW convinced them to get a V after two children and then DW only agreed to sex once a month? 12 condoms a year and I could have kept my sperm making ability.

For what?

You divorce or your DW died. After a long mourning you meet a woman that wants to have your baby. I think this is a HUGE reason DW's insist on a V. I actually have a distant relative who insisted that her 27yo DH get a V after baby#2. Her reasoning was that she didn't want her babies to have to share his support with any new kids from another if the got divorced.

This is the big problem with society. Once you have a family you have no business having more kids with someone else. It's slap in the face to your family, and you should be embarrassed. Also V's are reversible.