Please wake me from this real estate nightmare, or just give me your advice!

[Anonymous]

I have to agree with PPs who recommended counseling. It is very difficult to use reasoning to solve a problem when emotions and anxiety are high, plus you have a new-ish baby and two older kids. There is a lot going on. Moving is so stressful, and you're just beginning to get over the stress and trauma of the last two years. You sound like you could use help sorting out and weighing all the issues before making a big decision that could cost you a lot of money.

Also, I know you said it isn't the main reason, but Lyme is becoming a lot more prevalent in DC, too. I have a friend in NoVA who got it and was horribly sick for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would say that longtime city folks who move to the far out burbs and then within a year and a half want to move back to the city are being a bit impulsive. Maybe their reasons are understandable but it's still impulsive.

At any rate, you've got one life. If you can afford to eat the cost of selling and moving, yet again, this soon - what's to stop you? I wouldn't use Lyme as the excuse though because it does sound like there is more to it than that.

Amen!

Sorry about the rough year, OP!

[Anonymous]

You can move to Seattle to be safe from ticks but the crazy liberals are just as pesky and detrimental to your health as well being as lymes disease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go see someone about your anxiety.

This.

[Anonymous]

OP-
Move. Life is too short to be unhappy. You don't need permission or an excuse. It's your life, your family and your money.

Sorry about your family's experience. If I were in your shoes I'd be out of there yesterday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand your turmoil; I don't think your thought process is immature at all. You've all been traumatized by this and you want the nightmare to end. You don't want to have to worry about it happening again. Yes, you could cross a street and get hit by a bus, but I think it is human nature to try to eliminate "dangers" when we possibly can, especially if there are kids involved.

So my take on this is that your decision to stay or go is part based on fact (look, there are definitely some places where deer ticks are more prevalent. No one can deny that. So if you happen to be in a high incidence area, the question becomes what is every possible thing you can do to minimize the risk, and are you doing it) and part, a larger part, based on emotion. it's almost a form a PTSD. You look out the window, you think Lyme disease. How many times have each of us had something bad happen to us and we say, "never again," even though the chances of it happening again may be much less than we perceive it to be or negotiable?

When it comes down to it, the facts matter less than the feels. I know a friend who was mugged in NY, on the Upper East Side. She couldn't walk down the street in her own neighborhood after that without looking over her shoulder. What are the chances she'd get mugged again, especially considering where in NYC she lives, that she had a doorman building, that she lived on a street where there was plenty of foot traffic, etc.?

She moved b/c she didn't want to live like that. Even seeing a therapist didn't help to mute the fear to the point where she decided to hell with the facts, she wasn't comfortable living in NYC anymore. She moved to a smaller, cute college town and she is as thrilled as can be. Does she miss elements of the city? Absolutely. But she feels her quality of life and peace of mind has dramatically improved. Was it because she secretly didn't like living in the city anymore and used this as an excuse? Nope. I do not believe so.

As far as your situation, no one can give you an accurate statistic as to whether you or your kids will personally get bitten. Or your husband again for that matter.

I think when you mentioned things like "the schools are shaky" that's what is leading some people to interpret that as you just want to go back to the city and are using this as an excuse. I don't get that sense from your email. What I get is, you have had this horrible thing happen, and now you are re-evaluating everything about the move. Things that you accepted before now loom like bigger factors. You are putting together a story, so to speak, about you and your family's life in that area. I think that is totally normal and not impulsive.

Weigh how much you love the neighborhood and living near your parents. Weigh the financial impact. Make sure you talk to every expert about minimizing risks. Then decide as a family if there is just too much bad associated with staying there, and if it will continue to negatively impact your lives in a way that outweighs the positive.

I mean, sheesh... If I lived at the Shining and managed to escape... and after someone new bought the property, had an exorcism there, updated the decor to something more contemporary and had some of the Game of Thrones dragons protecting the place... I'm still not sure I'd want to go stay there for a "vacation" again....

I haven't read all the posts on this thread yet but I LOVE this PP's take. OP's experience is an emotional response, and just because it's emotional doesn't mean it should (or can) be discounted. If all OP thinks of is trauma when looking out the kitchen window, then that says enough for me. I wouldn't waste time trying to convince myself it's "just emotions," or impetuous, or impulsive, or whatever. I'd change whatever needed to be changed to mitigate the trauma. I've had similar experiences myself (ie something really bad happened somewhere, and the only way to really move beyond it is to just not revisit the place where it happened.) As another PP said, you just get one life. Don't waste time on trying to ignore/discount your emotional response.

Yeah, the emotional response is one thing. But she has to realize that bad things can happen anywhere. With this house it was Lyme disease. With the next house it could be crime. With the next house it could be bad schools.

Op needs to figure out if she has an underlying anxiety disorder that needs to be treated or if this particular house/location was simply a very bad fit for their family. If she is feeling isolated and extreme dread about being snowed in again with 3 small kids, I can't say that I blame her. Sometimes the reality doesn't quite live up to the fantasy....

Hi. OP here. After this post, I'm going to stop trying to convince you guys that this is a real, epidemic-like problem, instead of just my own paranoid perspective. Lyme disease has actually changed the nature of these societies, or at least the culture of the outdoors. This paragraph is from a New Yorker story from a few weeks ago about efforts to eradicate Lyme disease:

"More than a quarter of Nantucket’s residents have been infected with Lyme, which has become one of the most rapidly spreading diseases in the United States. The illness is often accompanied by a red bull’s-eye rash, along with fever and chills. When the disease is caught early enough, it can be cured in most cases with a single course of antibiotics. For many people, though, pain and neurological symptoms can persist for years. In communities throughout the Northeast, the fear of ticks has changed the nature of summer itself—few parents these days would permit a child to run barefoot through the grass or wander blithely into the woods."

I agree that I'm personally traumatized in some way by my particular experience, which happened THE DAY we bought our house. However, the fact remains that we paid tons of money (and continue to pay in taxes) for four acres of tick-ridden land that our children are not going to use in the way that we envisioned. I AM NOT THE ONLY PERSON WHO THINKS THIS WAY. Please see above!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Op, people still go to Nantucket for droves. Either you made a mistake moving to a rural area or you didn't. But moving for Lyme s is not logical, Lyme disease is everywhere on the east coast.

[Anonymous]

My sister used to live in CA and there was a significant quake. After that she was anxious. Finally, she moved to a place where there is a low incidence of earthquakes.

(1) Are the risks of significant earthquakes real in CA? You betcha.
(2) Was her experience traumatizing? Yup.
(3) did she understand that there was a risk of another big one happening, but chances were great that there would NOT be another big one? Yes.
(4) did she seek counseling? Yes.
(5) did she have an underlying anxiety disorder? No. prior to that, she was not what one would characterize or diagnose as anxious. Did she become anxious after a heavy lamp fell on her and there were cracks in the stairs of her building? Yes,
(6) did she grapple with leaving her job and the city she otherwise loved? Yes.
(7) did she realized if she moved elsewhere she might get mugged, there could be a hurricane, she could be in a flood? Yes. Of course.
(8) did she stay or did she go? She left.

She moved away, fully aware that she is not insulated from every natural disaster. The threat of more earthquakes was real. She lived through one and chose to minimize her risk of living through one again by moving to a place where they are uncommon. She is no longer anxious, even though she HAS had other things happen to her (a burgularly). Is she moving again? No.

I never questioned her decision to leave or thought it showed she was impulsive or immature.

OP, you remind me a lot of my sister when she was talking about moving.

If you can swing it financially and you and your husband agree, get out of there and start fresh. Don't live with what is clearly an agonizing and real situation if you don't have to.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP- my husband had Lyme and it wasexactky as you described. Sucks!! I moved to nj suburbia in a small town near the coast from DC last year and its been a huge adjustment and were not nearly as thrilled as we had anticipated we would he. I think the Lyme was bad timing but you need to go with your gut. If it doesnt feel right, move! We prob will be ugh!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister used to live in CA and there was a significant quake. After that she was anxious. Finally, she moved to a place where there is a low incidence of earthquakes.

(1) Are the risks of significant earthquakes real in CA? You betcha.
(2) Was her experience traumatizing? Yup.
(3) did she understand that there was a risk of another big one happening, but chances were great that there would NOT be another big one? Yes.
(4) did she seek counseling? Yes.
(5) did she have an underlying anxiety disorder? No. prior to that, she was not what one would characterize or diagnose as anxious. Did she become anxious after a heavy lamp fell on her and there were cracks in the stairs of her building? Yes,
(6) did she grapple with leaving her job and the city she otherwise loved? Yes.
(7) did she realized if she moved elsewhere she might get mugged, there could be a hurricane, she could be in a flood? Yes. Of course.
(8) did she stay or did she go? She left.

She moved away, fully aware that she is not insulated from every natural disaster. The threat of more earthquakes was real. She lived through one and chose to minimize her risk of living through one again by moving to a place where they are uncommon. She is no longer anxious, even though she HAS had other things happen to her (a burgularly). Is she moving again? No.

I never questioned her decision to leave or thought it showed she was impulsive or immature.

OP, you remind me a lot of my sister when she was talking about moving.

If you can swing it financially and you and your husband agree, get out of there and start fresh. Don't live with what is clearly an agonizing and real situation if you don't have to.

Yes! Plus 1!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP-
Move. Life is too short to be unhappy. You don't need permission or an excuse. It's your life, your family and your money.

Sorry about your family's experience. If I were in your shoes I'd be out of there yesterday.

Totally agree! You moved there with an idea of how it would be. The reality though turned out to be very different. You made a decision to move there based on the info u had at the time but now u have more info and need to take that into account. I absolutely would not live on four acres of tick infested property. Esp with young kids. Totally understand where u are coming from OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister used to live in CA and there was a significant quake. After that she was anxious. Finally, she moved to a place where there is a low incidence of earthquakes.

(1) Are the risks of significant earthquakes real in CA? You betcha.
(2) Was her experience traumatizing? Yup.
(3) did she understand that there was a risk of another big one happening, but chances were great that there would NOT be another big one? Yes.
(4) did she seek counseling? Yes.
(5) did she have an underlying anxiety disorder? No. prior to that, she was not what one would characterize or diagnose as anxious. Did she become anxious after a heavy lamp fell on her and there were cracks in the stairs of her building? Yes,
(6) did she grapple with leaving her job and the city she otherwise loved? Yes.
(7) did she realized if she moved elsewhere she might get mugged, there could be a hurricane, she could be in a flood? Yes. Of course.
(8) did she stay or did she go? She left.

She moved away, fully aware that she is not insulated from every natural disaster. The threat of more earthquakes was real. She lived through one and chose to minimize her risk of living through one again by moving to a place where they are uncommon. She is no longer anxious, even though she HAS had other things happen to her (a burgularly). Is she moving again? No.

I never questioned her decision to leave or thought it showed she was impulsive or immature.

OP, you remind me a lot of my sister when she was talking about moving.

If you can swing it financially and you and your husband agree, get out of there and start fresh. Don't live with what is clearly an agonizing and real situation if you don't have to.

You are an enabler for the weak minded and your sister is weak and defective.

[Anonymous]

I actually laughed at this response: "You are an enabler for the weak minded and your sister is weak and defective."

[Anonymous]

OP, I am paranoid about lyme disease and I still live in DC, so I get it. Plus my parents live in northern NJ in a town heavily affected by deer ticks/lyme, so I am hyper vigilant each summer when we visit them. If truly your concern is lyme disease, then you can combat that - and your kids still play in the yard - by clearing a part of the yard for them to play in, spraying for ticks, and doing a tick check every night at bath time. I do all of this here in DC during the summer! But knowing all of that, if you still feel the house is "tainted," or you realize that the true issue isn't lyme but is desire for city living, then by all means move but be realistic, that something equally or more traumatic could happen in the next home and you can't move every time that happens.

[Anonymous]

I think the advice for counseling is well founded - you all probably have a bit of trauma to deal with. But as far as moving because of Lyme - pretty much every where has its "issue" so it really has to be because you have made a mistake and really don't find joy in being in the town now. We had a huge trauma in our lives and I often remarked that if we had had it happened a year before we would have been in a town where we had no support and were terrible isolated. As bad as the event was, that we had community/family/friends help us through has allowed us to stay where we are. Without that gift of outreach I think some of the trauma would have been directed at the place rather than the event. Good luck with your decision. As my DH also had the superhuman ability to work through some of the most difficult days imaginable I can relate too to all that you have been through.

[Anonymous]

Don't move. I lived in a wooded area for years with no tick bites. Now I live in a nonwooded area and I got bitten by a tick. Your post was dramatic. Most likely none of you will get Lyme disease, even if you do get a tick.

Start making friends for yourself and your family in the community. That will make you like living there more.