Can I yell at my daughter for this?

[Anonymous]

OP,

The solution is to eat out less, since you can't tolerate those vast portions going uneaten.

You know what my cheap husband does? Packs up all our leftovers and eats them during the week, even if they're all dried out or all mushy and soggy.

Your child did not over-order - she can't help herself if her appetite is small. Do you really want to "treat" her to a restaurant and then insist she only have water and avocado? Because she will resent you for the rest of your life if you do! It's not normal behavior to control your child like this, and she knows it and you know it.

Make these restaurant outings special occasions, and close your eyes to the occasional waste. Or better yet, eat it yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it OP bc my DD has done this for years. I finally had enough and now my policy is she orders one thing, eats it and if she is still hungry then she can order something else or we split something. She also will not eat leftovers.

Thanks. I think I'm going to institute this as well as reminding her of the "eyes are more hungry than the stomach" thing, and if more than one thing looks good, we can come back a second time and she can order the other thing - no need to get everything.

I'm honestly shocked at how nuts most people here think I am - but maybe they didn't fully read the initial post since so many told me to just get a box to go even though I said she doesn't eat the leftovers. It's hard to believe so many here are totally okay with wasting over half the food ordered, and wasting money on food uneaten.

PP you are quoting and yes, me too. I don't get it. I guess it has to do with the fact that she ate the avocado and people believe and people are fixating on that fact? I will guess that everything she ordered would likely end up being in the $15 range and too me, it is wasteful if only one item out of 3 really gets eaten in a $15 meal but that's just me. Anyway, in addition to the above, I also use the eyes being hungrier than her stomach and that helps as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it OP bc my DD has done this for years. I finally had enough and now my policy is she orders one thing, eats it and if she is still hungry then she can order something else or we split something. She also will not eat leftovers.

Thanks. I think I'm going to institute this as well as reminding her of the "eyes are more hungry than the stomach" thing, and if more than one thing looks good, we can come back a second time and she can order the other thing - no need to get everything.

I'm honestly shocked at how nuts most people here think I am - but maybe they didn't fully read the initial post since so many told me to just get a box to go even though I said she doesn't eat the leftovers. It's hard to believe so many here are totally okay with wasting over half the food ordered, and wasting money on food uneaten.

But what she ordered was:

1 lemonade
1 side of avocado
1 yogurt dish

You disapprove of the lemonade and the failure to finish the yogurt dish. Are you suggesting that next time, your DD should order a side of avocado and a glass of water? You don't understand why people think that is controlling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I took my 13 yr old out to brunch. I pointed her towards foods that are not a lot in quantity since she doesn't normally eat a lot at each meal. Instead she ordered a lemonade, a quinoa/yogurt/fruit bowl and a side of avocado which she put on the toast that came with my meal. The avocado was $2.50. she ate all of it. She had MAYBE a third of her lemonade and a third of the qhinoa-yogurt thing. She does this ALL the time and I'm now super pissed off about it. She never wants to take the leftovers home. I'm furious both about wasting money and wasting food.

I was told you never talk to teen girls about their food choices or their bodies. But she is making food choices that although healthy, are way too much - she can't eat it. Is there a way I can talk to her about this that won't give her an eating disorder? She over-orders CONSISTENTLY. Or should I not say anything and just stop taking her out to eat?

OP, this is why you come across negatively, in my opinion.

You're (supposedly) asking for opinions on whether you can "yell at" your daughter about this, although you acknowledge that you should be careful talking to teen girls about their food choices. But then you ignore half of the responses, even those that are phrased productively and give you things to think about.

You complain that your daughter never wants to take leftovers home, but then you acknowledge in one response that you don't like to take home and reheat leftovers either.

Clearly you have already mentioned this issue to her, since you said at the beginning of your post that you pointed her toward foods that are smaller in quantity. I'm not really sure what else you're looking for? Permission to stop taking her out to eat?

[Anonymous]

I read your whole post and all about the leftovers too. You are totally crazy, is your DD anorexic because of you?

[Anonymous]

Putting myself in the daughter's shoes, I'd rather just eat at home if going to brunch with my mother were this much of an issue! She ordered a normal amount of food and then, presumably, ate until she felt full and you are mad at her for it?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Putting myself in the daughter's shoes, I'd rather just eat at home if going to brunch with my mother were this much of an issue! She ordered a normal amount of food and then, presumably, ate until she felt full and you are mad at her for it?!

I think I'd rather avoid my mother entirely if I were in her position. Not worth dealing with the mental issues

[Anonymous]

Well, OP, how is this for wasteful? My DS just ordered a potato soup, turkey dinner and a stack of pancakes and a lemonade! He ate two spoons of soup, since it was too milky, he ate all of the turkey, but barely any mashed potatoes, and he ate one pancake, and really that was just him forcing himself to eat while I kind of smiled at him. He is a nice kid, unlike your rude DD, so we did take leftover mashed potatoes home, but soup was wasted. He didn't drink the second glass of lemonade, but it was free refills so, who cares. By your logic, I should be screaming my guts at him. But, I instead, I said, "that's ok, if you don't like the soup, leave it. You gave it a try." And we had a nice mom and teen son dinner, and you can even guess where by his order, I bet. That is what I want to remember, my 17 year old and I going out to eat, and he taking time to go out with his mom, who is, by his account, often quite embarrassing and talks too much. He is off to college next year and I prefer not to spend our time together yelling at my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a father like this. He was a complete cheapskate and would act super passive aggressive and angry if I ordered anything that was more expensive than the (very cheap) margin he set for me. Often he would try to hold it in but make it VERY OBVIOUS that he was extremely angry about it by acting silent and making annoyed faces. Sometimes he would bring it up to me later and launch into long spiels about how selfish it was

That resulted in me gradually learning to block him out entirely, and eat my food in silence while he tried (unsuccessfully) to make me feel remorseful by glaring at me.

And now.... we don't speak. I blocked his number and eventually changed it. Because this behavior was symptomatic of his overall childish, passive aggressive, and controlling behavior, and his anger issues.

Now, I happily eat out, ordering what I want. Sometimes I order two dishes, if I have a real craving, and I'll eat what I want from it and not necessarily finish. And sometimes I will remember how psycho it would have made my father and it feels like a delicious "screw you" to him. Because it really is about more than food, right? It's about control and needing things to be "your way", isn't it OP?

I got sick and tired of having that trash in my life and I am SO much happier now. I suspect your daughter will follow a similar path.

NP here . My mom was like this!! I also don't really speak to her anymore. It was pretty terrible.

[Anonymous]

OP you need therapy to figure out why this is such an issue with you. My guess is your daughter loses her appetite sitting across from you at a table. She may be doing this hoping you'll stop taking her out. Poor kid.

[Anonymous]

I really want to know what the daughter was supposed to order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you need therapy to figure out why this is such an issue with you. My guess is your daughter loses her appetite sitting across from you at a table. She may be doing this hoping you'll stop taking her out. Poor kid.

+1

I think OP leaving their poor daughter alone for a while would be the best option. Daughter is, I'm sure, biding the time until she gets to college

[Anonymous]

Your daughter should be yelling at you. I don't know if you have eating or money issues but this is ridiculous. Do her a favor and never take her out to eat again. When she can get away from you she'll discover the joy of sharing a meal with friends that's about who you're with and not how much you do or don't eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Putting myself in the daughter's shoes, I'd rather just eat at home if going to brunch with my mother were this much of an issue! She ordered a normal amount of food and then, presumably, ate until she felt full and you are mad at her for it?!

I think I'd rather avoid my mother entirely if I were in her position. Not worth dealing with the mental issues

This is why I moved away from home after college, never to return. Always kept a few states away. The level of control OP wants from a teen is unacceptable.

If your DD doesn't eat the food OP, and you are obsessed with value, you can get a box for yourself and eat it later. SHE doesn't have to eat it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, OP, how is this for wasteful? My DS just ordered a potato soup, turkey dinner and a stack of pancakes and a lemonade! He ate two spoons of soup, since it was too milky, he ate all of the turkey, but barely any mashed potatoes, and he ate one pancake, and really that was just him forcing himself to eat while I kind of smiled at him. He is a nice kid, unlike your rude DD, so we did take leftover mashed potatoes home, but soup was wasted. He didn't drink the second glass of lemonade, but it was free refills so, who cares. By your logic, I should be screaming my guts at him. But, I instead, I said, "that's ok, if you don't like the soup, leave it. You gave it a try." And we had a nice mom and teen son dinner, and you can even guess where by his order, I bet. That is what I want to remember, my 17 year old and I going out to eat, and he taking time to go out with his mom, who is, by his account, often quite embarrassing and talks too much. He is off to college next year and I prefer not to spend our time together yelling at my kid.

Yeah, I just remember my Mom and Dad on my case all the time about food. It never stopped, until they died. Sadly, I don't miss them very much.