Well I think its safe to say my DIL hates us

[Anonymous]

Agree with those who are saying the fact that DIL has dropped the divorce bomb on OP means she's basically on the verge of dumping the son and filing. She's not looking to you for help or to get encouragement to keep going, OP... and she's not letting you know she "hates" you or anything like that. She is just giving you a heads up that she is miserable and this is pretty likely to happen regardless of anything you have to say. Just like your son and DIL didn't listen to you when it came to having a second kid, they probably won't listen to you now. Just be as supportive as you can.

I also come from a culture where the parents don't just back off as soon as the children are grown with families of their own. But I grew up here in the US, and while I value their input tremendously and their disapproval breaks my heart, I'm Americanized enough that I'm going to ultimately choose my path based on what makes me the happiest, rather than keeping the family together at any cost to myself and my own well-being as I'd be expected to do in my culture. I suspect your DIL is thinking the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations, you pushed your kid into divorce. Are you happy now?

[Anonymous]

OP, why were you pushing him to go to law school? Seems if he wanted to do this for himself--and felt a law career would be a good fit--he wouldn't need the pushing.

[Anonymous]

For the person who suggested the massage and mani/pedi, is this something people really want? I would love a few hours off, but I would want it on a regular basis, and I would want to do something with it I enjoy. That will never be a mani/pedi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the person who suggested the massage and mani/pedi, is this something people really want? I would love a few hours off, but I would want it on a regular basis, and I would want to do something with it I enjoy. That will never be a mani/pedi.

Maybe twice a year I want a girlie day like a mani/pedi or a massage as a just for fun treat. It never makes a huge difference in my mental health, just a little pick me up. It isn't going to make me feel better if something major is going wrong in my life.

In this scenario, when the real issue is that DIL is parenting solo and OP is massively meddling in her son's marriage, a mani/pedi is like spitting on a wildfire expecting to snuff out the flames.

[Anonymous]

My dh works out of town a lot. Yes, I like having a break, and if Grandma offered to babysit while I went for a massage, that'd be great. However, it certainly doesn't solve the problem of my son missing his dad. Op wants her husband there for the kids'sake, too, you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here! to clarify he will very reinburst by his employer as long as he passes the bar so the financial strain is only temporary. I love the frozen meal idea, DIL is very complementary of my cooking so I think this is a good avenue. I also like the grocery giftcard idea, I can just leave that on the kitchen counter and not say anything. It's my culture (and DIL) to play a very involved role and divorce would never be an option for anyone. This is why I want to make things comfortable and release some tension.

DO NOT make meals for her family. Good God. The last thing she wants is his mommy cooking him dinner! pay for a once a week housekeeper.

[Anonymous]

LOL I think it's one person with insane hatred towards her MIL that keeps piling up on OP. She reads and re-reads her own messages, then responds to them in fits of sick rage. She is making up the story as she goes, and OP's DIL already "dropped the divorce bomb," as it turns out. Really fascinating to watch this insane mind at work!

OP, just step away. Your thread attracted an emotionally damaged troll, so you can kiss it good-bye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here! to clarify he will very reinburst by his employer as long as he passes the bar so the financial strain is only temporary. I love the frozen meal idea, DIL is very complementary of my cooking so I think this is a good avenue. I also like the grocery giftcard idea, I can just leave that on the kitchen counter and not say anything. It's my culture (and DIL) to play a very involved role and divorce would never be an option for anyone. This is why I want to make things comfortable and release some tension.

I don't know how you can so confidently declare "divorce would never be an option for anyone" when it is not YOUR marriage. I understand you and your DIL are from a conservative culture (I am too), but you son and DIL's marriage (and their divorce) is not something your whole family gets to decide as a group - it is between your son and your DIL. They live here now - your DIL knows it doesn't have to be "the traditional way."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL I think it's one person with insane hatred towards her MIL that keeps piling up on OP. She reads and re-reads her own messages, then responds to them in fits of sick rage. She is making up the story as she goes, and OP's DIL already "dropped the divorce bomb," as it turns out. Really fascinating to watch this insane mind at work!

OP, just step away. Your thread attracted an emotionally damaged troll, so you can kiss it good-bye.

If you mean me (12:42), I'm a NP and have perfectly nice American in-laws who live across the country and keep their distance. I was speaking more about my own non-American parents' influence on and expectations for my life. I would never ever mention divorce to anyone in my family unless I was really strongly leaning towards it... you are kind of expected to suck it up and stick it out even when you're miserable. So I think the fact that DIL is even bringing it up is a bad sign for OP's son's relationship.

[Anonymous]

So, OP, are you seeing the error of your ways?

Too ashamed to come back and tell us?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's obvious that you come from money (or at least well off) and you wish you son to meet your expectations, not his wife's. Not only were you wrong, your son is missing out on a once on a life time of chance of watching his kids grow up.

To answer your actual question about your DIL hating you, can't you see her side? It's her life just as much as it is your sons.

You think so? There are actually quite a few grammatical errors in OP's post. I think she's climbing the social ladder through her kid. Good god. I can't imagine my parents being invested in my life to that degree at age 29.

[Anonymous]

I have a law degree and I am trying to think of what kind of company would give someone a promotion for getting a law degree at night. I imagine there are so many other graduate degrees that would be so much more beneficial.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm often pro-MIL in these threads, but you need to back off.

YOU think she needs to "buck up" and get three another YEAR AND A HALF of basically being a single mom.

YOU think "it will all be worth it."

It is HER life and SHE apparently does not agree. Maybe more money won't make her happy, but rather spending time with her husband and children, and having an active and involved father for her children, is what SHE values.

What you value (terminal degrees and more money at the expense of family) does not seem to align with your values.

Just leave her alone. Soon enough your son will be moving back in with you and you can make him breakfast and fold his underwear for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm often pro-MIL in these threads, but you need to back off.

YOU think she needs to "buck up" and get three another YEAR AND A HALF of basically being a single mom.

YOU think "it will all be worth it."

It is HER life and SHE apparently does not agree. Maybe more money won't make her happy, but rather spending time with her husband and children, and having an active and involved father for her children, is what SHE values.

What you value (terminal degrees and more money at the expense of family) does not seem to align with your values.

Just leave her alone. Soon enough your son will be moving back in with you and you can make him breakfast and fold his underwear for him.

That should say "through".