Well I think its safe to say my DIL hates us

[Anonymous]

If you were my MIL I would hate you too, and I would be angry at my husband for allowing you so much latitude in messing up our lives. Any reconciliation would involve severely cutting ties with your family.

I'm not sure how you can fix this.

Once he finishes the degree and they actually have a moment to breathe, I don't see how cutting ties won't be part of the compromise your son has to make to save his marriage. Either that, or he chooses his parents (again) over his children and they end up divorced with her having primary custody.

[Anonymous]

It's obvious that you come from money (or at least well off) and you wish you son to meet your expectations, not his wife's. Not only were you wrong, your son is missing out on a once on a life time of chance of watching his kids grow up.

To answer your actual question about your DIL hating you, can't you see her side? It's her life just as much as it is your sons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh man. I sincerely hope that he is at a top 5 law school and is able to get a good job when he is done.

Please, be real. No top programs have night classes. This guy is taking a huge gamble by going to law school. If he's anything like the majority of recent grads, it will not pay off. The worst part is that he'll always know that he gave up years with his children for a diploma and a lot of debt.

[Anonymous]

Cut the umbilical cord! Your son is 29, he is an adult and doesn't need you to guide his life. Your DIL's struggles are real and to suggest she needs to buck up is NOT supportive or helpful. Money is not everything and a degree doesn't guarantee you a job, certain pay, etc...

Be the hero from here on...listen, be supportive and help them. At this rate your son will be a single father of 2 with a law degree and hefty child support payments.

[Anonymous]

The chances of this JD paying off are about 30 million to one.

[Anonymous]

To be fair, OP, I don't think this is 100% on you. Your adult son chose to listen to you/give in to the pressure. He may have agreed or felt like this is what he really wanted, also. But ultimately he's an adult and it was his choice. A bigger question is why there is still this level of parental input for a grown man with his own wife and child (now children).

This level of parental involvement is not something I would have been able to tolerate, personally--when my DH was in his late 20s trying to decide about going back to school I'm grateful his family didn't do more than listen and occasionally offer a little feedback. And this was pre-kids for us.

Now that this mess has been created (and I agree, it's so unlikely to really pay off unless it meant a career change for him), I agree with PPs that your best bet is to back off and contribute financiall, if you can, to anything that might make their lives easier for even a short while.
J

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were my MIL I would hate you too, and I would be angry at my husband for allowing you so much latitude in messing up our lives. Any reconciliation would involve severely cutting ties with your family.

I'm not sure how you can fix this.

Once he finishes the degree and they actually have a moment to breathe, I don't see how cutting ties won't be part of the compromise your son has to make to save his marriage. Either that, or he chooses his parents (again) over his children and they end up divorced with her having primary custody.

Yes to this. I've seen it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man. I sincerely hope that he is at a top 5 law school and is able to get a good job when he is done.

Please, be real. No top programs have night classes. This guy is taking a huge gamble by going to law school. If he's anything like the majority of recent grads, it will not pay off. The worst part is that he'll always know that he gave up years with his children for a diploma and a lot of debt.

+100

[Anonymous]

OP, you can't fix stupid. You and your son did the right thing. If she's dumb enough to let a good thing slip away, good riddance.

[Anonymous]

Are you paying for a the law degree and that's partly why he agreed? I realize that you were trying to help, but you really need to not be trying to influence major decisions like when your son and dil have a child or if he gets a law degree.

I think you should just offer to babysit or ask how you can help (homemade meal delivery?) and that's it. No offering of your opinions about those things.

[Anonymous]

Wow you're way too involved in their lives.

Also you need to use paragraphs.

[Anonymous]

I keep telling her she will GREATLY benefit from this degree down the line but she can't see that right now. How can I encourage her to buck up and get through the next 18 months and then things will prove worthwhile.

Here's your problem. She is really upset and feels like you butt into their lives and sent it in a direction that she's not happy with and you are telling her that you are right, she is wrong. You're saying you'll see that I was right.

Like others have said, back off. Listen, but don't say anything except to offer to help. If it's not babysitting, can you do something else?

I went to night school and worked full time. I could barely manage life and a relationship - can't imagine having kids. Most people I know who did have kids had terribly difficult marriages and everyone I know who had a baby in law school dropped out - male and female. And, to top it off, many people get out of law school and hate their options. Hopefully, your son and his wife will fare better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is a terminal degree??

Highest degree in a field. And a JD isn't one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man. I sincerely hope that he is at a top 5 law school and is able to get a good job when he is done.

Please, be real. No top programs have night classes. This guy is taking a huge gamble by going to law school. If he's anything like the majority of recent grads, it will not pay off. The worst part is that he'll always know that he gave up years with his children for a diploma and a lot of debt.

Well, I hope it is at least Georgetown. OP - is it Georgetown? I really hope so.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why y'all are blaming MIL for the situation. Yes, this is what she wanted. But she had no way of making her son do what she wanted. She didn't have a way of making DIL agreeing to it. The reason given for not having more kids a year and a half later is beyond ridiculous and only portrays the DIL as a stupid bitch. Oh well, the son knew who he was making babies with, so if he ends up divorced with child support to pay, it's his own damn fault.

OP, just leave them be. If their marriage is worth saving, they'll be fine. If not, well, most couples divorce, yet the life goes on. Sucks for the kids, but again, presumably your son knew who he was marrying.