Well I think its safe to say my DIL hates us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:JD is a terminal degree. Just saying.

Yes because when he is done he will sell his soul to a firm trying to make partner and his wife will continue to raise the kids alone. All because her ILS want them to have more money. Great but those precious grandkids basically have no dad.

And you know way too much about his job and what his options are. Back off!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I'm still trying to figure out why someone would have a kid at 24....

So that they have an 18 year old at 42. I love it, freedom!!! While everyone else is struggling with babies. I got it done early. I lost the baby weight immediately. I had energy and patience. We are living the dream.

[Anonymous]

OP, the only thing that you can do is to help your DIL raising kids. Offer her cooked meals or babysitting couple days a week.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read every page of responses but I agree with pretty much everyone that you are butting way too far into the business of your adult child and his adult wife. You have no business pushing for him to do anything at this adult stage in his life. You should go for a 6 month moratorium on communication where the only thing your exchange with your son and his family are photographs and one-sentence post cards. After 6 months you accept him for who he is and what he does, even if it means he ditched his job for a lower wage job just so he can spend more time with his family.

[Anonymous]

He's an adult. Gotta back off and let him make his own choices with his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a law degree and I am trying to think of what kind of company would give someone a promotion for getting a law degree at night. I imagine there are so many other graduate degrees that would be so much more beneficial.

Same here....maybe he's a paralegal? It seems to only make sense if he's working in law without a law degree.....and even then, probably not worth it.

My bet is that he's an engineer or in another science-y field, and they've told him that if he gets the law degree, they'll move him to an in-house patent position. It could make some sense in that sort of field, but really not worth blowing your family up over, or missing out on your kids entire childhood. I know someone that did the law school at night when his kids were young, and it was hard on his wife, but not totally impossible because he had an easy day job that he could have slept walked through, so could do some studying during the day and certainly wasn't killing himself on the weekends.

That makes sense (why he's doing it). But agree that it isn't worth a divorce. The only thing I'd suggest is that the son/dh take fewer classes so that he is home more. The degree may take more time but he may save his marriage. But that isn't for MIL to suggest. Son needs to figure this out on his own.

[Anonymous]

I don't know, but it could be that everyone here has the idea that ILs threatened their son, demanded that he do this next step. I'm not really getting a clear picture here, but MIL seems to at least be admitting that they played a role, but not in a really overwhelming sense like coercion. So...here's my 2 cents FWIW:


They aren't wrong that a law degree would make a difference
He did get in, and is capable it seems
They married young and had kids young, and it seems to coincide with this clusterf*&^ of law school, lack of funds, time, etc.

One can also say that they both decided to have another baby during this all, and could have waited. If baby was an OOPs, then it complicated the overall plan, frankly- but really they both were on board when he started. Yeah, things are shitty right now. They have little time together, money is tight, two kids are her responsibility largely and she isn't getting a break or the accolades of a law degree afterward. Sure they are fighting . We all would be.

She was honest about the situation to her ILs. They did not cause it, but it's too convenient to blame them. They really sold him on the idea with good intentions, and probably were not wrong about the future career benefits, but he decided it was also Ok to do...he isn't doing this to appease his parents...he took their advice. Please.

Yeah, law school is hard, it's expensive, you have no life for a awhile. Maybe they all need to stop and take stock of how they can help each other in these next months. How can everyone manage- what can parents do, how can wife get a break, how can son finish with the least amount of hardship, etc. Wife needs some attention,and yes, this will be beneficial for this young family when it is done. I remember that when I was in grad school, 2 degrees, it seemed to be the worst just at the 3/4 mark. Other people will agree- there's a lot of folks who quit at this stage...it's a psychological thing. Plow through,people, plow through.

MIL- say this:

We love you both
We did not force you, we really hoped he would choose this as we know what this career looks like later with a law degree
We know it's hard, we love the new baby- let's not confuse all the things that came together and decide why it's hard. It's just all hard now. It won't be hard later. We will help.

We will:

baby sit
provide extra income
let wife get away for a bit on a trip- we will watch the kids
help with meals
support son with what he needs


I think this young couple is lucky, actually. Wife is understandably stressed right now, husband is also. Let's not get lost here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you interfering in your adult married son's career and marriage?

I don't think any of this is interfering. You all have discussions confused with bullying. They encouraged him to get a JD. Really? Interfering? I don't think so. If he said that he was dead set against it, didn't care really about the job prospects later, was happy with his current position, he would not have felt the need to do it.

He is 29. He made his own decision. Wife needs a place to blame because she is depressed now....they aren't monster in laws. This is clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I'm still trying to figure out why someone would have a kid at 24....

So that they have an 18 year old at 42. I love it, freedom!!! While everyone else is struggling with babies. I got it done early. I lost the baby weight immediately. I had energy and patience. We are living the dream.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you interfering in your adult married son's career and marriage?

I don't think any of this is interfering. You all have discussions confused with bullying. They encouraged him to get a JD. Really? Interfering? I don't think so. If he said that he was dead set against it, didn't care really about the job prospects later, was happy with his current position, he would not have felt the need to do it.

He is 29. He made his own decision. Wife needs a place to blame because she is depressed now....they aren't monster in laws. This is clear.

Totally disagree. His parents are running his life and because this is part of his "culture", he is allowing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:JD is a terminal degree. Just saying.

So then What is an LLM?

This voluntary thing that some people do. When you get your JD, no one thinks you quit in the middle as is generally the case with a masters in economics .

[Anonymous]

I still think Op is a troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I'm still trying to figure out why someone would have a kid at 24....

Because they want to be young and healthy enough to enjoy their children, don't want to fight nature's clock and don't want to be a 45-50 year old with an infant or have their teenager be responsible for elder care and taking care of their senior citizen parent.

[Anonymous]

I am a lawyer and have 20 years experience. I work for myself and have tons of flexibility and make a good income, if not big law dollars. I advise anyone who asks me against going to law school and I love my job. If your son could not show me a signed contract in which his employer agreed to pay for his tuition and specified the date on which he would receive his masssive promotion, I would be advising him not to go to law school. Your poor DIL. You are lucky if she ever lets you in their front door ever again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I'm still trying to figure out why someone would have a kid at 24....

They probably married straight out of college- common in conservative cultures that disapprove of premarital cohabitation. While they intended to have children, DC1 at 24 was probably an accident. They didn't want a massive gap so they had a second child even though it wasn't the best time.