Frozen Embies, what should I do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ivf has been a long road for our family, and we have been blessed with two wonderful children. We have 5 PGD normal Embies left l, just sitting on ice. Due to my medical history a 3rd pregnancy would be a huge risk one that I am not willing to take. Our options are to keep paying the storage fee, donate to science, donate to a couple, or thaw. I heave narrowed it down to thaw, or donation to a couple. However I can't imagine knowing that my children's biological sibling are out there, won't cause me some emotional stress. Have you ever thought of donation your embryos, or actually done it? What are your thoughts and feelings? For me I feel that thawing is a bit selfish, like if I can't have them no one will, but what if they are born into a hard life.

We are going through this right now. We have two kids and nine embryos in storage. Realistically, the most we can do is one more child. We would not donate because I don't like the thought of "genetically" my children out in the world. I would feel a sense of obligation toward them. We'll donate to science if it's not too burdensome, otherwise we'll dispose.

[Anonymous]

This is a very personal choice that should be carefully thought about by each couple. It really comes down to your religious views and level of comfort. We are a torn family - my husband is atheist and wants to donate ours to science; I'm Christian and do not want them destroyed because I believe they are lives. The idea of giving them to science makes me think that my child might be used in controversial science experiments (there is work moving forward in mixing human and animal eggs) - see recent article - http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2016-08-04/us-government-lift-ban-part-human-part-animal-embryos. There is no way to specify HOW your eggs are used with science. I am leaning toward donation, but I also struggle with the idea that another person will be raising my child. Ultimately you will have to look deep within to see what you can live with. Those of you who are being judgmental should be ashamed of yourselves. I'm so over people thinking their shit doesn't stink!

[Anonymous]

We'll have to see what my husband wants to do. I think it would be kind of cool to have a very limited open relationship with the donees. Otherwise, science or thaw.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately, it's just not possible to donate to science at many fertility centers. SG had almost no options. They did not give the option of science or donation to use this summer when we disposed- we would have done either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, it's just not possible to donate to science at many fertility centers. SG had almost no options. They did not give the option of science or donation to use this summer when we disposed- we would have done either.

Did they change their options? On the forms we signed a couple of years ago when our embryos were frozen there was an option for donating to science.

[Anonymous]

SG does have the option of thawing, donating to science or donating to a third party the remaining frozen embryos. Indeed the embryos are yours so you can do whatever the law allows you to do with them. This spring (April 2016) , before we had a fresh transfer thru SG, we had to sign a contract and specify, on an interim basis, what we want to do once we are done with SG. (It's an interim specification that does not become final until you are done with SG and actually have to decide what to do with the unused embryos at which point you will have to sign a second legal document with them to make the decision final.). At the time SG was just about to role out its own embryo donation program, though I don't think it was fully operational at that point; nonetheless, we specified that we would donate to that program, so hopefully it will be operational when we get to that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a very personal choice that should be carefully thought about by each couple. It really comes down to your religious views and level of comfort. We are a torn family - my husband is atheist and wants to donate ours to science; I'm Christian and do not want them destroyed because I believe they are lives. The idea of giving them to science makes me think that my child might be used in controversial science experiments (there is work moving forward in mixing human and animal eggs) - see recent article - http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2016-08-04/us-government-lift-ban-part-human-part-animal-embryos. There is no way to specify HOW your eggs are used with science. I am leaning toward donation, but I also struggle with the idea that another person will be raising my child. Ultimately you will have to look deep within to see what you can live with. Those of you who are being judgmental should be ashamed of yourselves. I'm so over people thinking their shit doesn't stink!

If they are lives then you don't need to donate. Just take them home and let them grow. After all they are lives! No need for medical intervention or a transfer. Just raise your embryos. They are the same as a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ivf has been a long road for our family, and we have been blessed with two wonderful children. We have 5 PGD normal Embies left l, just sitting on ice. Due to my medical history a 3rd pregnancy would be a huge risk one that I am not willing to take. Our options are to keep paying the storage fee, donate to science, donate to a couple, or thaw. I heave narrowed it down to thaw, or donation to a couple. However I can't imagine knowing that my children's biological sibling are out there, won't cause me some emotional stress. Have you ever thought of donation your embryos, or actually done it? What are your thoughts and feelings? For me I feel that thawing is a bit selfish, like if I can't have them no one will, but what if they are born into a hard life.

We are going through this right now. We have two kids and nine embryos in storage. Realistically, the most we can do is one more child. We would not donate because I don't like the thought of "genetically" my children out in the world. I would feel a sense of obligation toward them. We'll donate to science if it's not too burdensome, otherwise we'll dispose.

After the blush of pregnancy and birth wore off, I felt like why should I donate even more money to a fertility clinic? Have you seen where some of those doctors at Columbia live?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a very personal choice that should be carefully thought about by each couple. It really comes down to your religious views and level of comfort. We are a torn family - my husband is atheist and wants to donate ours to science; I'm Christian and do not want them destroyed because I believe they are lives. The idea of giving them to science makes me think that my child might be used in controversial science experiments (there is work moving forward in mixing human and animal eggs) - see recent article - http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2016-08-04/us-government-lift-ban-part-human-part-animal-embryos. There is no way to specify HOW your eggs are used with science. I am leaning toward donation, but I also struggle with the idea that another person will be raising my child. Ultimately you will have to look deep within to see what you can live with. Those of you who are being judgmental should be ashamed of yourselves. I'm so over people thinking their shit doesn't stink!

If they are lives then you don't need to donate. Just take them home and let them grow. After all they are lives! No need for medical intervention or a transfer. Just raise your embryos. They are the same as a baby.

NP here. Why is it so acceptable to make fun of someone else's beliefs? She stated what she believes, she's not telling you what to do with yours. No need to be so rude.

We have 6 embryos left over from our successful cycle. We plan on trying for a second in another year, but no idea what to do with any we might have remaining after that point. Ours were not PGS tested, though, and I was 36 at retrieval, so I would be very surprised if they are all genetically normal. If we had to make the decision right now, I believe we'd donate to science.

[Anonymous]

I don't buy into the sanctity of life bs for a cluster of cells, but I would trade every organ I can spare for someone's unneeded healthy embryo. I can't make any, and I can't afford to try anymore. Please consider donating. Whoever turns your dna into a baby will appreciate that kid so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't buy into the sanctity of life bs for a cluster of cells, but I would trade every organ I can spare for someone's unneeded healthy embryo. I can't make any, and I can't afford to try anymore. Please consider donating. Whoever turns your dna into a baby will appreciate that kid so much.

I love that you said this. It is perfect and exactly why I would want to donate!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't buy into the sanctity of life bs for a cluster of cells, but I would trade every organ I can spare for someone's unneeded healthy embryo. I can't make any, and I can't afford to try anymore. Please consider donating. Whoever turns your dna into a baby will appreciate that kid so much.

I love that you said this. It is perfect and exactly why I would want to donate!

Hell yes! Love that was said, too.
I filled out this form at CFA at 41 and laughed, knowing none of my embryos would be donated. Who would want my old embryos? I was happy to give the not-so-good ones to science. ANYTHING I could do to to make this process easier for other women. And as it turns out, I always transferred three, and the fourth blast never made it overnight to freeze. Same thing all three cycles.

Now, approaching DE, I'm super thankful to the young woman who is sharing her plentiful and healthy eggs with me.

[Anonymous]

We might try for one more in a couple of years. I'm considering compassionate transfer if we have any left. I know it's weird, illogical, etc., but I can't imagine donating or disposing, although I have no issue with those who do.

[Anonymous]

Reading through this thread really helped confirm my decision.
With 4 embryos, we're going to transfer them all. I know donation is not for me and I'm on the fence regarding thaw so that left us with that one option remaining.

[Anonymous]

I realize this is a tough topic, but why put people who have been through/are going through tremendous emotional pain through MORE pain by making them feel bad about their decision?

I understand if people feel their embryos are "people" and can't let them thaw. I don't agree, but I get that that's their pull and they want to donate. Fine. But why would these people make people feel bad who can't handle the double emotional pain of experiencing infertility THEN having grief about their kid's out there in the world being raised by someone else? Just make your choice and leave others alone!

It baffles me how in these situations (similar to the abortion debate) it's the choice-oriented people who by and large say "I get your choice and it's fine with me but I'd choose to thaw/terminate/etc..." Yet the pro-lifers are so in-your-face with judgement and control and vitriol. Mind your business!