Drastic Reduction in Female Dating Market Value after 30

[Anonymous]

I'm 32 and married. And some days I love my husband, and sometimes I fantasize about divorce.

On the days I fantasize about divorce, the last thing I am worrying about is whether or not I will be datable. Being married is really not that much more awesome than being single. They both have pluses and minuses.

If I ever get divorced and we don't have kids (we do not have them currently), I am going to move to a pleasant low cost of living area and just live my life not giving a damn if I never see another penis again.

I love sex, too. But freedom is pretty awesome. Remember that, OP!

[Anonymous]

Eh, it's all relative, trends and general averages won't apply to each individual's case.

So it does no good to tell OP, you're doomed forever. It does no good to tell OP, oh you'll find someone.

Both are empty platitudes.

OP needs to be able to live with herself no matter what. I guess that's an empty platitude she has to follow, since the alternative is being miserable.

If she doesn't find someone to share her life with, I hope she can do something with her increased time other than live a Sex and the City lifestyle with no greater goals than the next party/hookup. I'd say the same thing to a guy in his 30s that is terminally single.

Basically -- my advice would be to focus some time/$$$ on self, some time/$$$ on family, some time/$$$ on a spiritual community, some time/$$$ on a hobby/niche interest, some time/$$$ on the local community, and some time/$$$ on the wider country/world. We won't be able to excel in all those areas, but we can do some small thing in all those areas.

[Anonymous]

I am a divorced man in my late 40's and can tell you there are plenty of good looking females in their 30's who are looking for a long term relationship. The problem I have had is they all want kids and I already have several from the first marriage and don't want more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, it's all relative, trends and general averages won't apply to each individual's case.

So it does no good to tell OP, you're doomed forever. It does no good to tell OP, oh you'll find someone.

Both are empty platitudes.

OP needs to be able to live with herself no matter what. I guess that's an empty platitude she has to follow, since the alternative is being miserable.

If she doesn't find someone to share her life with, I hope she can do something with her increased time other than live a Sex and the City lifestyle with no greater goals than the next party/hookup. I'd say the same thing to a guy in his 30s that is terminally single.

Basically -- my advice would be to focus some time/$$$ on self, some time/$$$ on family, some time/$$$ on a spiritual community, some time/$$$ on a hobby/niche interest, some time/$$$ on the local community, and some time/$$$ on the wider country/world. We won't be able to excel in all those areas, but we can do some small thing in all those areas.

I'm the "geesh" poster. I agree with most of this -- except for the last paragraph. You don't need to do things in all of those areas. Rather, you need to come up with a definition of happiness that doesn't depend on "finding a mate" or being "datable," whatever that means. Figure out what things make you happy on a regular basis and cultivate a life that involves enough of those things.

Basically, most of the dating speculation/theories/advice is meaningless. Most of the women and men (from my observations IRL) who have the most trouble finding romantic companions (whether they are looking for LTR or even just looking for something more casual) are the ones who fixate on it too much. Even if you are fit and gorgeous and a stereotypical catch, if you seem insecure and desperate and seem like your "goal" is to find a mate, then you are going to have trouble. No one wants to feel like they are a goal or they are just a piece to fit into your life. To really find a true connection with someone else, there has to be a sense of genuine curiosity about the other person and an interest in getting to know him/her as a complex individual -- not a collection of features you find desirable or undesirable.

There's nothing more unattractive than a person with a checklist and a relationship slot they're trying to fill. That goes for both men and women. I think ultimately relationships/marriages that result from that end up unhappy because -- shocker -- people change over time. There has to be some sort of interest in and openness toward evolving together.

[Anonymous]

The term "market value" makes me think you are some troll MRA trying to convince 30 year-old women who are out of your league that they need to settle for you.

If you are real, live your life, make yourself happy, and be open to relationships. There is no cut-off, and even if there was, what can you do?

[Anonymous]

I think some guys try to convince women in their 30s that they aren't worth as much as a 20 something. It doesn't have to do with the value of a woman, but 20 somethings will put up with a lot more bullshit from a guy than a woman in her 30s.

[Anonymous]

Seducing guys gets easier as you get older, but finding one you want to marry (and wants to marry you) gets harder, but not impossible. The good thing about this is that you can have lots of fun along the way, if you are just patient.

[Anonymous]

OP, setting aside the politically correct nonsense, yes, a woman's market value decreases with time. You can't compete with 20 somethings anymore. You have to accept the fact that your pickings will be those who were rejected by 20-somethings. But it's not the end of the world, and if you want marriage and family, you should get serious about finding a suitable partner. Because in ten years from now you'll only pick from those who were rejected by 30-something, and it won't be fun at all. So chop-chop, the clock is ticking, even though DCUM mavens hate hearing that.

[Anonymous]

Ha ha ha. I married at 52. So not true.