Men: would you be willing to purchase an engagement ring for a woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OK, so what was the point of your post, OP? You would clearly never be interested in the kind of woman whose values tend to align with being bought an engagement ring by her huband-to-be.

Just sad seeing what my friends are coerced into because they feel they have no choice.

They DO have a choice: they could choose to date the kind of woman whose values DON'T align with an expectation that her husband-to-be will buy her a ring; they could date a woman like the one you chose.

YOU had a choice, and you are happy with your choice. Your friends--who do not choose women like your wife--are most likely very happy with what they get in comparison, just as you are happier with your own choice than with how you imagine you would feel with what you see your friends are choosing.

See how that works? Do you understand how offended you would feel if one of your friends, who chose a straight with stereotypical feminine qualities, wrote a post asking why anyone would want a woman with the qualities YOUR wife has (and then named some of the qualities your wife has, which are NOT stereotypical straight, feminine qualities)?

Or...maybe you AREN'T so happy with your own choice.

Bingo!

+1. OP do you feel like other men are keeping you down? This is crazy. Live your own life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very very cheap. This is just a way of making excuses to not buy something expensive. Being cheap is really a red flag for other issues. If I was the girlfriend, I would not marry someone with this line of thinking. It's a preview of bigger issues to come.

OP here -- you sound ridiculously white. Only a WASP would use a term like 'cheap' as a pejorative rather than as a positive. I'm damn proud to be cheap, and so is my spouse.

In the multiethnic area I grew up in on the west coast, before I got assigned to this hardship post, as a kid in school with jews, mexicans, salvadorans, koreans, filipinos, vietnamese, chinese south asians... we'd actually have competitions to see who was the cheapest. Cheapness was a virtue. None of us were poor; the area ranged from working class to upper middle class. We just had superior values. Only the white kids wouldn't participate, because their parents didn't raise them right.

I pity the WASP saddies who see 'cheap' as a negative.

OP, cheapness is not a virtue. Frugality and being responsible with money are virtues, but cheapness is more akin to miserliness. If you don't want to spend money on a big ring for your wife, then don't, but don't sit there pitying your friends who are buying engagement rings as if they're being coerced.

You've invented a magical distinction between cheapness and frugality that doesn't exist, because white folks like yourself wouldn't know cheapness nor frugality if it bit you in the ass. The closest you can come up with for a distinction is "I'm still frugal if I spend money on stupid things, but in ways that my fellow WASPs will see as consistent with their mores."

You're blind to what you're doing because you're a part of a community of the blind. Thankfully, you're becoming a smaller and smaller share of the population such that your inadequate sense of virtue will no longer be the 'default' by 2040.

This kind of divisive political bullshit, on both sides, is what is tearing this country apart. Maybe go get some counseling for your anger issues, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OK, so what was the point of your post, OP? You would clearly never be interested in the kind of woman whose values tend to align with being bought an engagement ring by her huband-to-be.

Just sad seeing what my friends are coerced into because they feel they have no choice.

They DO have a choice: they could choose to date the kind of woman whose values DON'T align with an expectation that her husband-to-be will buy her a ring; they could date a woman like the one you chose.

YOU had a choice, and you are happy with your choice. Your friends--who do not choose women like your wife--are most likely very happy with what they get in comparison, just as you are happier with your own choice than with how you imagine you would feel with what you see your friends are choosing.

See how that works? Do you understand how offended you would feel if one of your friends, who chose a straight with stereotypical feminine qualities, wrote a post asking why anyone would want a woman with the qualities YOUR wife has (and then named some of the qualities your wife has, which are NOT stereotypical straight, feminine qualities)?

Or...maybe you AREN'T so happy with your own choice.

lol, it's the opposite of your final line. I'm over the moon with my choice, but I've seen their rodeo play out so many times to know that over time most of them are going to regret the choice they made.

The reason I addressed this question to men (though I'm perfectly happy to read responses by women of all sorts) is because so few of the men I know walk into their decisions on these sorts of things with eyes wide open, particularly in DC, where guys tend to sleepwalk into marriages they regret despite a universe of incredible women here to choose from and dating odds that are very much in their favor.

If someone made a post asking why anyone would want a woman with the qualities my wife has, I'd have fun writing a really smug, satisfied reply to it explaining in detail the rationale behind my choices and how perfectly they've worked out. I've always been the hand-raiser in class who enjoys showing my work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OK, so what was the point of your post, OP? You would clearly never be interested in the kind of woman whose values tend to align with being bought an engagement ring by her huband-to-be.

Just sad seeing what my friends are coerced into because they feel they have no choice.

They DO have a choice: they could choose to date the kind of woman whose values DON'T align with an expectation that her husband-to-be will buy her a ring; they could date a woman like the one you chose.

YOU had a choice, and you are happy with your choice. Your friends--who do not choose women like your wife--are most likely very happy with what they get in comparison, just as you are happier with your own choice than with how you imagine you would feel with what you see your friends are choosing.

See how that works? Do you understand how offended you would feel if one of your friends, who chose a straight with stereotypical feminine qualities, wrote a post asking why anyone would want a woman with the qualities YOUR wife has (and then named some of the qualities your wife has, which are NOT stereotypical straight, feminine qualities)?

Or...maybe you AREN'T so happy with your own choice.

lol, it's the opposite of your final line. I'm over the moon with my choice, but I've seen their rodeo play out so many times to know that over time most of them are going to regret the choice they made.

The reason I addressed this question to men (though I'm perfectly happy to read responses by women of all sorts) is because so few of the men I know walk into their decisions on these sorts of things with eyes wide open, particularly in DC, where guys tend to sleepwalk into marriages they regret despite a universe of incredible women here to choose from and dating odds that are very much in their favor.

If someone made a post asking why anyone would want a woman with the qualities my wife has, I'd have fun writing a really smug, satisfied reply to it explaining in detail the rationale behind my choices and how perfectly they've worked out. I've always been the hand-raiser in class who enjoys showing my work.

I don't believe you. Only an insufferable ass would post something like your OP, especially on a website called...DC Urban Moms. You KNOW that the majority of people on this site are women whose husbands bought them engagement rings, and you ALSO KNEW that your OP was critical/offensive to these women. So, why would you post it at all?

[Anonymous]

I like how the most liberal people pretend to be accepting of "all," but then they denigrate traditional marriages or anyone who does things the standard way. It's so hypocritical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I don't believe you. Only an insufferable ass would post something like your OP, especially on a website called...DC Urban Moms. You KNOW that the majority of people on this site are women whose husbands bought them engagement rings, and you ALSO KNEW that your OP was critical/offensive to these women. So, why would you post it at all?

One person's insufferable ass is another person's blunt truth teller. <3 Also, this website is called "DC Urban Moms And Dads", because whoever runs the site is less sexist than you?

Neither women nor men have primacy here. Why on earth would I assume that the majority of people on this site are "women whose husbands bought them engagement rings"? Even if you think the majority of posters on this forum are women (something I sincerely doubt), that wouldn't imply an engagement ring purchase -- DC has plenty of smart people, I'd like to assume we're above that sort of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I don't believe you. Only an insufferable ass would post something like your OP, especially on a website called...DC Urban Moms. You KNOW that the majority of people on this site are women whose husbands bought them engagement rings, and you ALSO KNEW that your OP was critical/offensive to these women. So, why would you post it at all?

One person's insufferable ass is another person's blunt truth teller. <3 Also, this website is called "DC Urban Moms And Dads", because whoever runs the site is less sexist than you?

Neither women nor men have primacy here. Why on earth would I assume that the majority of people on this site are "women whose husbands bought them engagement rings"? Even if you think the majority of posters on this forum are women (something I sincerely doubt), that wouldn't imply an engagement ring purchase -- DC has plenty of smart people, I'd like to assume we're above that sort of thing.

Oh, OK, then. Who else thinks that the majority of readers/posters on this site are women whose husbands bought them an engagement ring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OK, so what was the point of your post, OP? You would clearly never be interested in the kind of woman whose values tend to align with being bought an engagement ring by her huband-to-be.

Just sad seeing what my friends are coerced into because they feel they have no choice.

They DO have a choice: they could choose to date the kind of woman whose values DON'T align with an expectation that her husband-to-be will buy her a ring; they could date a woman like the one you chose.

YOU had a choice, and you are happy with your choice. Your friends--who do not choose women like your wife--are most likely very happy with what they get in comparison, just as you are happier with your own choice than with how you imagine you would feel with what you see your friends are choosing.

See how that works? Do you understand how offended you would feel if one of your friends, who chose a straight with stereotypical feminine qualities, wrote a post asking why anyone would want a woman with the qualities YOUR wife has (and then named some of the qualities your wife has, which are NOT stereotypical straight, feminine qualities)?

Or...maybe you AREN'T so happy with your own choice.

lol, it's the opposite of your final line. I'm over the moon with my choice, but I've seen their rodeo play out so many times to know that over time most of them are going to regret the choice they made.

The reason I addressed this question to men (though I'm perfectly happy to read responses by women of all sorts) is because so few of the men I know walk into their decisions on these sorts of things with eyes wide open, particularly in DC, where guys tend to sleepwalk into marriages they regret despite a universe of incredible women here to choose from and dating odds that are very much in their favor.

If someone made a post asking why anyone would want a woman with the qualities my wife has, I'd have fun writing a really smug, satisfied reply to it explaining in detail the rationale behind my choices and how perfectly they've worked out. I've always been the hand-raiser in class who enjoys showing my work.

Yes, you were the blow-hard with no friends who dominated class discussion and rushed to show off his work, never noticing that the other kids groaned to hear you talking about yourself (again), and that, really, your work was not the best in the class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like how the most liberal people pretend to be accepting of "all," but then they denigrate traditional marriages or anyone who does things the standard way. It's so hypocritical.

Agreed. And I am a lifelong Democrat and have been a supporter of HRC for many years, among other liberal causes. But I cannot STAND people like the OP, who are so self-involved and narcissistic that they cannot see past the ends of their own noses, except to look down upon anyone who does not agree in total lockstep with their beliefs. To me they are no better than the right-wing fringe on the other end of the spectrum. I can understand the anger and frustration of LGBTQ men and women who have endured discrimination for many years. But when you let it take you to the point where OP clearly is, you have become just as bad as what you rail against, if not worse for the fact of being a total hypocrite. Fighting for equal rights is admirable; judging others is clearly not. I suspect OP has some serious issues he needs to work through.

[Anonymous]

How convenient for OP to be a "feminist". laughing my ass off!
best thread in awhile

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OK, so what was the point of your post, OP? You would clearly never be interested in the kind of woman whose values tend to align with being bought an engagement ring by her huband-to-be.

Just sad seeing what my friends are coerced into because they feel they have no choice.

They DO have a choice: they could choose to date the kind of woman whose values DON'T align with an expectation that her husband-to-be will buy her a ring; they could date a woman like the one you chose.

YOU had a choice, and you are happy with your choice. Your friends--who do not choose women like your wife--are most likely very happy with what they get in comparison, just as you are happier with your own choice than with how you imagine you would feel with what you see your friends are choosing.

See how that works? Do you understand how offended you would feel if one of your friends, who chose a straight with stereotypical feminine qualities, wrote a post asking why anyone would want a woman with the qualities YOUR wife has (and then named some of the qualities your wife has, which are NOT stereotypical straight, feminine qualities)?

Or...maybe you AREN'T so happy with your own choice.

lol, it's the opposite of your final line. I'm over the moon with my choice, but I've seen their rodeo play out so many times to know that over time most of them are going to regret the choice they made.

The reason I addressed this question to men (though I'm perfectly happy to read responses by women of all sorts) is because so few of the men I know walk into their decisions on these sorts of things with eyes wide open, particularly in DC, where guys tend to sleepwalk into marriages they regret despite a universe of incredible women here to choose from and dating odds that are very much in their favor.

If someone made a post asking why anyone would want a woman with the qualities my wife has, I'd have fun writing a really smug, satisfied reply to it explaining in detail the rationale behind my choices and how perfectly they've worked out. I've always been the hand-raiser in class who enjoys showing my work.

Yes, you were the blow-hard with no friends who dominated class discussion and rushed to show off his work, never noticing that the other kids groaned to hear you talking about yourself (again), and that, really, your work was not the best in the class.

The blow-hard with lots of friends who dominated class discussion, actually! There are plenty of us hand-raisers, and we love each other's company. (And, yeah, our work was in fact the best.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like how the most liberal people pretend to be accepting of "all," but then they denigrate traditional marriages or anyone who does things the standard way. It's so hypocritical.

Agreed. And I am a lifelong Democrat and have been a supporter of HRC for many years, among other liberal causes. But I cannot STAND people like the OP, who are so self-involved and narcissistic that they cannot see past the ends of their own noses, except to look down upon anyone who does not agree in total lockstep with their beliefs. To me they are no better than the right-wing fringe on the other end of the spectrum.

The right wing wants to deny you basic rights and equality under the law.

I just want to get dudes making poor life choices to see where they're going wrong before they do something they'll regret later.

Clearly the same, you've got it all figured out.

Fighting for equal rights is admirable; judging others is clearly not.

Judgment is a negative intended to harm someone. This is pity combined with assistance, which is positive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like how the most liberal people pretend to be accepting of "all," but then they denigrate traditional marriages or anyone who does things the standard way. It's so hypocritical.

Agreed. And I am a lifelong Democrat and have been a supporter of HRC for many years, among other liberal causes. But I cannot STAND people like the OP, who are so self-involved and narcissistic that they cannot see past the ends of their own noses, except to look down upon anyone who does not agree in total lockstep with their beliefs. To me they are no better than the right-wing fringe on the other end of the spectrum.

The right wing wants to deny you basic rights and equality under the law.

I just want to get dudes making poor life choices to see where they're going wrong before they do something they'll regret later.

Clearly the same, you've got it all figured out.

Fighting for equal rights is admirable; judging others is clearly not.

Judgment is a negative intended to harm someone. This is pity combined with assistance, which is positive.

You are delusional. Nothing about your rant here is positive. I'm sure "dudes" don't give a fuck what you think of their choices. That is your OPINION. Which is worth very little to people who don't share it and haven't asked for it.

[Anonymous]

OP, since you claim you are so damned smart but can't understand the meaning of common wordsx I thought I'd help you:

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/judge

[Anonymous]

DH didn't want to buy me an engagement ring (I used a ring from my family) but he did ask me to use my money to buy "us" a car. Fast forward 20 years and we're divorcing, he wants to retire at age 56 and live off 1/2 of my pension, and he doesn't want to help more than a nominal amount with child support or the kids' colleges and grad schools.

Yeah, I should have known from the very beginning. No use flaming me. The ring/car thing was a big red flag. (Well, everybody told me he was the "nice" one in the office and he's also good looking.)

Those of you who are still dating, learn from my mistakes. If you meet a guy like OP, check out the bigger picture. Check out his work ethic and his family's values. Most important: Does he want *you* to be happy, even if that requires following possibly archaic conventions like rings?