Does your 12 year old "date"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not weird

+1
Group outings, anything not one on one, is fine with me.

That is not dating and that is the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not. Our kids can go to school dances with a "date" starting in 8th grade, but other than that the rule is no dating until you're 16. We're not religious or particularly conservative at all, but I've seen the difference in kids who start dating young and kids who wait until they are more mature to start dating. It makes a huge difference, particularly with girls. It draws the line very clearly for them, so mom/dad get to be the "bad guy" and the kid doesn't even have to think about it - so much more of their focus stays on school and activities. Now of COURSE they are still boy/girl crazy, talk about it all the time, etc... but it is on a level much different than those who actually are allowed to date.

I'm a firm believer in picking an age, whatever is right for your family (although I think anything younger than 14 is ill-advised), and stick to it. Just take the debate off the table for your kids until it's an appropriate time.

Not dating until 16 is one of the parenting things I have the strongest feelings about. It just really sets kids up to focus on what is most important. By the time they are 16 they are generally making a lot different decisions about who is worth spending time with (you see this with friends too!) than they do when they are younger. Usually much better judgment. Not perfect by any means, but better.

This was my parents rule as well and my siblings and I just dated in secret. I had the same boyfriend from 14-16. His parents knew and mine were in the dark. The entire relationship was very innocent and I have lots of fond memories of spending the evenings playing board games with his parents or making cookies with his mom. I hated having to lie, sneak, and hide so much from my parents, but I justified it because all I wanted was to be like my other friends and have a boyfriend and go on dates.

We, my siblings and I, told our parents when the youngest was 18 and they were floored. They had no idea we'd been sneaking around and they really prided themselves on being "on top of it" parents, lol.

Gee, your story makes me want to give my kids free reign.....not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I walked my 8 year old son to the men's room at Wheaton Regional park on Halloween, and waited by the door. As he came out I could see two young teens having sex in the bathroom. Don't think they won't find a way if that's what they want to do.

And you think this is okay?

[Anonymous]

Is it normal for a 12 year old to have "boyfriends" at school? They don't meet much outside of school.

[Anonymous]

My almost 12 year old still plays with dolls. So, no, she does not “date.” I’m ok with “dating” in high school, but not until then. Not that she has any interest!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle school teacher here. Kids develop at different ways in many, many ways. Feel free to say "no dating" until a certain age, but if you truly mean the intentions behind that statement, I highly encourage locking up the cell phone/iPod/laptop when not in public view, too, if you want to shield your children from the ways of the world. Kids are much more ... adult ... these days than we'd like to admit.

True. But they aren't going to get a cell phone/lap top/iPod pregnant.

No one is saying that they are still babies. I remember being that age myself. But 12 is still a kid and they should enjoy their childhood while they have it. There is plenty of time for the more grown up stuff later on.

OP's son: "I would like to go to the movies with Aidan, Larla, and Caroline Grace."
PP: "No! You're still a kid! You must enjoy your childhood while you have it!"

Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

OP's son actually came to her and said Larlo is interested in Jen and I am interested in Jane and we want to take them to the movies. He framed it as not a friend outing, but a paired double date. You're trying to dial it back to something noncontroversial so you don't have to answer the question posed, but OP is right to try to deal with the reality and not put kid-colored-glasses on and act like this isn't a difference in kind, not degree.

[Anonymous]

I know a 12 year that both plays with dolls and dates.

[Anonymous]

Gee, your story makes me want to give my kids free reign.....not.

Free rein

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a 12 year that both plays with dolls and dates.

This reminds me of my sisters fav. stmt about her then middle school daughter: She and [friend] went to the mall together to get bronzer and a build-a-bear. One foot in childhood, one foot stepping quickly to adulthood.

[Anonymous]

I agree with kids enjoying childhppd as long as possible. And I think 16 or so is a good dating. But im laughing at middle school steeping towards adulthood. Nowhere near being grown yet.

[Anonymous]

My 13 yo has a "boyfriend". If they want to walk the halls together and text each other after school, great. I can't stop them from spending time together if they're attending the same school-sponsored event. But they're not allowed to get together outside of school, so as far as I'm concerned they are not actually dating. We've told DD that we'll discuss actual dating when she is 15-16.

This is apparently the norm among DDs friends. A few "couples" have gone out on "dates" but from what I've heard, that happened because one or both of the kids lied to their parents about the circumstances and the parents failed to check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a 12 year that both plays with dolls and dates.

This reminds me of my sisters fav. stmt about her then middle school daughter: She and [friend] went to the mall together to get bronzer and a build-a-bear. One foot in childhood, one foot stepping quickly to adulthood.

Yes I call this time period “bras and barbies”

And no way will my 12 year old DD be dating. She has some friends who are just now starting to talk about boys and who they like

[Anonymous]

What do you all think about 13 YO D going out with boys and girls in a group where one of the boys is her "boyfriend"? Going to a friends house, going to the movies / mall, and things like that where "BF" is part of the friend group? I feel like I can't deprive her from hanging out with her friends and have told her that she is too young for dating. However, they text non-stop although it's been pretty innocent from what I've seen so far.

[Anonymous]

I mean, age is pretty arbitrary. Isn't it more meaningful to consider how to evaluate the maturity level of a young person who wants to date? What do they need to know, what should they be capable of.

In our household, there is no minimum age. But we talk often about needing to be safe and ready for any kind of sexual relationship -- including dating -- and we break down what that means in context to my teens.

We also stress that being independent and taking responsibility is a part of any good sexual relationship -- and that includes courtship. So our kids, boys and girls (who are not all straight, btw -- yours may not be, either!) know they need to be transportation-independent and pay their own way.

Which they do.

[Anonymous]

No dating until 16.