Does your 12 year old "date"

[Anonymous]

Middle school teacher here. Kids develop at different ways in many, many ways. Feel free to say "no dating" until a certain age, but if you truly mean the intentions behind that statement, I highly encourage locking up the cell phone/iPod/laptop when not in public view, too, if you want to shield your children from the ways of the world. Kids are much more ... adult ... these days than we'd like to admit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Middle school teacher here. Kids develop at different ways in many, many ways. Feel free to say "no dating" until a certain age, but if you truly mean the intentions behind that statement, I highly encourage locking up the cell phone/iPod/laptop when not in public view, too, if you want to shield your children from the ways of the world. Kids are much more ... adult ... these days than we'd like to admit.

True. But they aren't going to get a cell phone/lap top/iPod pregnant.

No one is saying that they are still babies. I remember being that age myself. But 12 is still a kid and they should enjoy their childhood while they have it. There is plenty of time for the more grown up stuff later on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS, 13, has had a "girlfriend" for a year. He can call and text her, and they are Google + friends and email-- but we monitor his accounts and have never hidden from him that we are doing so. He can invite her to our house, as long as an adult is home, but is not allowed to be in his bedroom with her or behind closed doors. She has also been invited on family activities, like apple picking and the fair, and over for dinner. They can go to our neighborhood pool in the summer-- but once again, only with an adult present to keep an eye on things. She's a sweet girl, and we try to facilitate their being friends, but we monitor closely. We've said "real" dating is for 16

Sorry but that is completely inappropriate. If they stay together, they will be banging by 14.

Not in my house, while I am monitoring what is going on. This is not a they head down the basement and I see them two hours later situation. It's a stay in eye sight of an adult one, complete with Duggar style chaperoning-- at home and in public. I suppose I could say no contact at all until 16, but I feel more comfortable with kids gradually earring freedom and learning responsibility. And in our house, You earn the freedom to go on a "date"-- that is be alone in public, no earlier than 16, and once you've shown you are responsible enough. I doubt we'll ever okay e tended perIons of alone time at home-- or at least before college.

So you think that your DS who you said could have a girlfriend as young as 12 but not officially go on a date alone until 16 won't do anything but hold this girl's hand? Kids have oral sex and intercourse in school all the time. During, before, after, at football games, dances etc... You are oblivious if you think your son will go potentially up to 4yrs with the same girl and not feel her up, finger her, get a hand job, oral sex etc... any chance they can.

And by the way, Duggar-style is NOT letting their kids have boy/girlfriends at age 12. Give me a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Middle school teacher here. Kids develop at different ways in many, many ways. Feel free to say "no dating" until a certain age, but if you truly mean the intentions behind that statement, I highly encourage locking up the cell phone/iPod/laptop when not in public view, too, if you want to shield your children from the ways of the world. Kids are much more ... adult ... these days than we'd like to admit.

My 8th grader has to plug in her iPhone at 9pm. I have all the codes and go thru it as needed. She is not on social media. She has no other electronics (no tv, computer, laptop, iPad) The only thing she has in her room is an iPod shuffle for her music and lots of books. Rooms are for sleeping, not for surfing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

+2 If they start dating at 12 just what do you think they are doing by the time they are 14/15? Sex is the normal/natural progression of a romantic relationship.

Will you be prepared to deal with teen pregnancy? Most 14 year old teen boys these days don't do their own laundry or pack their own lunches. They are simply Not ready for sex and all the responsibilities that come with it.

The same things that everybody else is doing by the time they are 14/15, which for most people does not include having sex in the Bill Clinton definition. 84% of 15-year-olds have not had intercourse.

http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-ATSRH.html

This research also shows that teen pregnancy is at an all time low, half of what it was in 1990.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle school teacher here. Kids develop at different ways in many, many ways. Feel free to say "no dating" until a certain age, but if you truly mean the intentions behind that statement, I highly encourage locking up the cell phone/iPod/laptop when not in public view, too, if you want to shield your children from the ways of the world. Kids are much more ... adult ... these days than we'd like to admit.

True. But they aren't going to get a cell phone/lap top/iPod pregnant.

No one is saying that they are still babies. I remember being that age myself. But 12 is still a kid and they should enjoy their childhood while they have it. There is plenty of time for the more grown up stuff later on.

OP's son: "I would like to go to the movies with Aidan, Larla, and Caroline Grace."
PP: "No! You're still a kid! You must enjoy your childhood while you have it!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle school teacher here. Kids develop at different ways in many, many ways. Feel free to say "no dating" until a certain age, but if you truly mean the intentions behind that statement, I highly encourage locking up the cell phone/iPod/laptop when not in public view, too, if you want to shield your children from the ways of the world. Kids are much more ... adult ... these days than we'd like to admit.

True. But they aren't going to get a cell phone/lap top/iPod pregnant.

No one is saying that they are still babies. I remember being that age myself. But 12 is still a kid and they should enjoy their childhood while they have it. There is plenty of time for the more grown up stuff later on.

OP's son: "I would like to go to the movies with Aidan, Larla, and Caroline Grace."
PP: "No! You're still a kid! You must enjoy your childhood while you have it!"

Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle school teacher here. Kids develop at different ways in many, many ways. Feel free to say "no dating" until a certain age, but if you truly mean the intentions behind that statement, I highly encourage locking up the cell phone/iPod/laptop when not in public view, too, if you want to shield your children from the ways of the world. Kids are much more ... adult ... these days than we'd like to admit.

True. But they aren't going to get a cell phone/lap top/iPod pregnant.

No one is saying that they are still babies. I remember being that age myself. But 12 is still a kid and they should enjoy their childhood while they have it. There is plenty of time for the more grown up stuff later on.

OP's son: "I would like to go to the movies with Aidan, Larla, and Caroline Grace."
PP: "No! You're still a kid! You must enjoy your childhood while you have it!"

Well, gee sure you can go! Which one of you should I sit next to in the theater? Maybe afterwards I can escort you all on a walk (better not let me catch you holding hands!).

You want to go over and hang at Larla's house? O.k. tell me what we can bring, I'm looking forward to it!

No dating at 12. Too young. 15 at the earliest. Would prefer to wait until 16. Not 12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS, 13, has had a "girlfriend" for a year. He can call and text her, and they are Google + friends and email-- but we monitor his accounts and have never hidden from him that we are doing so. He can invite her to our house, as long as an adult is home, but is not allowed to be in his bedroom with her or behind closed doors. She has also been invited on family activities, like apple picking and the fair, and over for dinner. They can go to our neighborhood pool in the summer-- but once again, only with an adult present to keep an eye on things. She's a sweet girl, and we try to facilitate their being friends, but we monitor closely. We've said "real" dating is for 16

Sorry but that is completely inappropriate. If they stay together, they will be banging by 14.

Not in my house, while I am monitoring what is going on. This is not a they head down the basement and I see them two hours later situation. It's a stay in eye sight of an adult one, complete with Duggar style chaperoning-- at home and in public. I suppose I could say no contact at all until 16, but I feel more comfortable with kids gradually earring freedom and learning responsibility. And in our house, You earn the freedom to go on a "date"-- that is be alone in public, no earlier than 16, and once you've shown you are responsible enough. I doubt we'll ever okay e tended perIons of alone time at home-- or at least before college.

This, times a billion.

I think there are a lot of people who agree with this statement and parent the same way, but have a different comfort level with the "start" age of it all. Personally, I use this approach too but I don't want to start at 12, I prefer HS.

I think that if you give the kids some supervised space to see each other, you diminish the chances of them sneaking around and do things you really don't want them doing. Also, it keeps the lines of communication open, it sets clear limits, it encourages responsibility and honesty.

[Anonymous]

FWIW - all of the kids that I knew who were dating in middle school were having sex by HS. Or at least the rumor was floating around that they were.

I just don't think that a 12, 13, 14 year old kid needs that. Supervised dances, activities, neighborhood bbqs are one thing. But allowing boys and girls of that age to go off together as buddies on a "date" is just asking for trouble. It's playing with fire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW - all of the kids that I knew who were dating in middle school were having sex by HS. Or at least the rumor was floating around that they were.
I just don't think that a 12, 13, 14 year old kid needs that. Supervised dances, activities, neighborhood bbqs are one thing. But allowing boys and girls of that age to go off together as buddies on a "date" is just asking for trouble. It's playing with fire.

Needs what? Having sex in high school? Or having rumors floating around that they are having sex in high school? There are two important things to learn in high school, in my opinion:

1. Rumors are often baseless.
2. You shouldn't engage in malicious gossip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
True. But they aren't going to get a cell phone/lap top/iPod pregnant.

No one is saying that they are still babies. I remember being that age myself. But 12 is still a kid and they should enjoy their childhood while they have it. There is plenty of time for the more grown up stuff later on.

Silly PP. Going to the movies doesn't cause pregnancy. Sperm meeting egg is what causes pregnancy, and that can happen in all kinds of places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW - all of the kids that I knew who were dating in middle school were having sex by HS. Or at least the rumor was floating around that they were.

I just don't think that a 12, 13, 14 year old kid needs that. Supervised dances, activities, neighborhood bbqs are one thing. But allowing boys and girls of that age to go off together as buddies on a "date" is just asking for trouble. It's playing with fire.

I was 14 in 10th grade. It's when I started dating my high school boyfriend. We never did anything that might have led to pregnancy, and it's not because we didn't have the opportunity. It's because we chose not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
True. But they aren't going to get a cell phone/lap top/iPod pregnant.

No one is saying that they are still babies. I remember being that age myself. But 12 is still a kid and they should enjoy their childhood while they have it. There is plenty of time for the more grown up stuff later on.

Silly PP. Going to the movies doesn't cause pregnancy. Sperm meeting egg is what causes pregnancy, and that can happen in all kinds of places.

Well, duh. And somehow people still manage to make babies every day. Besides, pregnancy is only one of the factors to consider. If Larla breaks up with Larlo than Larlo's social life is effectively OVER. He can't hang out with Larla and the group anymore because Larla has Howie now and Howie doesn't want to see Larla with Larlo anymore....His buddy Aidan is hooked up with one of the girls in the group...he sees what happened to Larla/Larlo and now he worries about staying in the good graces of his girl. So he does whatever he is told to stay in the group.

Again, what 12/13/14 year old kid needs that? Better to go out on a real date when they are *really* ready than these manufactured "dates".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW - all of the kids that I knew who were dating in middle school were having sex by HS. Or at least the rumor was floating around that they were.

I just don't think that a 12, 13, 14 year old kid needs that. Supervised dances, activities, neighborhood bbqs are one thing. But allowing boys and girls of that age to go off together as buddies on a "date" is just asking for trouble. It's playing with fire.

I was 14 in 10th grade. It's when I started dating my high school boyfriend. We never did anything that might have led to pregnancy, and it's not because we didn't have the opportunity. It's because we chose not to.

Yes, but were there rumors floating around about you? Maybe you and your boyfriend were close enough that those rumors didn't matter. But to a lot of kids those rumors would matter.