How to deal with cliquey "mean moms" who are nice but won't become "friends"??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this thread is old but with back to school it's very timely. If you find yourself in this situation don't sweat it. Bitterness ages you big time. I just discovered that I'm older than the Queen Bee in my neighborhood by a few years. I could've sworn she had at least 5 years on me. Being prudish, judgmental and mean has really taken its toll. I'm ok with being snubbed by that group any day.

I have noticed this, also. If we don't have the same Queen bee/neighborhood - then Queen Bees aging themselves is a true epidemic unto itself, worthy of study - or at least, worthy of some good laughs about karma and its retaliatory properties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - if you're having that much anxiety over women who you say are nice and polite with you, then I think this is your issue.

I can smell crazy and needy a mile away and, no offense, I don't have time for that. If you want to hang out with them, then ask them what they are doing.

Also - People are allowed to have groups of friends. This is how society works. By creating and nurturing networks. These networks can not include everybody on the planet or it just doesn't work. This isn't being "cliquey" or "mean mom" - it's simply being friends with people you've bonded.

If you're not happy with their group, then make your own group. This is advice I give to my daughters and advice I follow myself. My "group" didn't appear out of thin air. These are friendships that I've been building for years now. You can't expect to just walk in and take a place. Maybe you could look for another mom who seems nervous or is sitting alone and go introduce yourself. Instead of blaming others for your "isolation" maybe you should take responsibility for your own social life.

Exactly- Form your own group of friends and you won't even notice the clique. I'm sure there are some really nice women like yourself who you haven't noticed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

i have neighbors like this too. they're having events in their front yards (which I find kind of odd -- go to your backyard!), and i'm clearly excluded. it hurts a little, but it makes me laugh too b/c it's so juvenile. i roll my eyes when i get inside (after having to traipse through their party to get my mail!), call my best friend and bitch about how mean they are.
one thing i've learned over the years is not to push/force friendships b/c you might find out that you don't want to be their friends.

Wow! That is over the top rude! Be glad that you are not friends with "those" people.

I had such neighbors. After 1-2 such parties, I said in a loud and clear voice that if people don't get off my property, I will call the cops. The owners smirked. I wasn't kidding and called the cops because their guests were trespassing on my front lawn.

You sound crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people's lives are "full" already, if you know what I mean. They have dinner with one another because they are already friends but maybe they don't have time for more people in their lives. I meet nice people with whom I might enjoy a friendship on occasion but I just don't have time to add more people to my day. It's not a rejection. Try to think of it this way.

This could be it. I was really eager to begin making friends when I had my first --- now I have a few close friends and have a 5 month old -- feel pretty overwhelmed with the craziness of two young kids these days... SO, in my case, it wouldn't be being "mean" rather I just don't have the time or feel like making much effort these days! Could it be something along these lines?