SIL just sent out the most obnoxious "coming to visit the new family" e-mail

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually don't think the email is that crazy and I would gladly do any of those things for someone who I cared about. You are a crappy sister for posting this.

Great, does that mean I'm off the hook?


I have three children, and don't think I ever gave my family and friends ridiculous stipulations. So the, "new mom" crap won't fly with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And another thing, OP. This is just the beginning of the drama; think of this email as the opening credits. You can decide to be an active participant or watch from a safe distance or not attend the play. Choose wisely, as the first act/year is going to be an ever increasing series of emotional events and attention grabbing headlines. Believe me.

Parents like this are and will be completely flummoxed by parenthood; it is as if they have birthed the Christ child and there will be rules, standards, careful studies and research done on every aspect of babyhood. You will hear each and every detail and problem (and oh, they'll be so many problems) and they'll drone on and on about the issue of the day continually. Parenthood is their all consuming project and they are not interested in your opinions or insights.

I totally agree. This is only going to get worse. I knew it was going to be bad when you mentioned that her birth plan didn't go as she wanted it. Did she really have a difficult pregnancy?

I mean, she had morning sickness and was tired towards the end. It wasn't fantastic, but I know of a handful of people who had these magical wonderful pregnancies. She totally romanticized it all, and didn't realize she'd feel like shit for the first and third semester.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless she almost died in childbirth and her baby is seriously ill that email is gross

No.

She wanted a natural vaginal birth. She was in "more pain that most" and had to have an epidural which spiraled into an emergency c-section. The baby was and is fine. She is not coping with healing from the c-section. I had a c-section, I know it's a bitch...

Baby has a tongue tie, the world is over. She took breastfeeding classes so thought it would be easy. Things didn't pan out who she planned, and she can't deal.

I bet she also did not plan for such a bitch of a SIL, and can't deal with you in person. Hence the email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless she almost died in childbirth and her baby is seriously ill that email is gross

No.

She wanted a natural vaginal birth. She was in "more pain that most" and had to have an epidural which spiraled into an emergency c-section. The baby was and is fine. She is not coping with healing from the c-section. I had a c-section, I know it's a bitch...

Baby has a tongue tie, the world is over. She took breastfeeding classes so thought it would be easy. Things didn't pan out who she planned, and she can't deal.

I thought the email was crazy. I'm with you, OP. I can't understand people who are so self-centered and self-absorbed. I had much worse issues with all my pregnancies and never asked for anything approaching this. Vaccines up to date? OMG. Does she think every single adult her child will meet in his/her life is going to have up to date vaccinations? And no one under 18? Insane, really.

OP didn't include the list of foods that they like to eat. I'd like to have seen that!

I could see asking politely that no one come over if they are sick. One of my children was born prematurely, and we had to ask for this, but that's all we ever asked for.

I'd just ignore it, OP. Send a nice gift and say you have the sniffles, otherwise you'd love to come see the baby. Ignore the crap about cleaning toilets! Geeze. I can't believe anyone would ask their friends to help out with chores! Close friends and family members, maybe, informally, but in a mass email? Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And another thing, OP. This is just the beginning of the drama; think of this email as the opening credits. You can decide to be an active participant or watch from a safe distance or not attend the play. Choose wisely, as the first act/year is going to be an ever increasing series of emotional events and attention grabbing headlines. Believe me.

Parents like this are and will be completely flummoxed by parenthood; it is as if they have birthed the Christ child and there will be rules, standards, careful studies and research done on every aspect of babyhood. You will hear each and every detail and problem (and oh, they'll be so many problems) and they'll drone on and on about the issue of the day continually. Parenthood is their all consuming project and they are not interested in your opinions or insights.

This^^^. Can we be friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless she almost died in childbirth and her baby is seriously ill that email is gross

No.

She wanted a natural vaginal birth. She was in "more pain that most" and had to have an epidural which spiraled into an emergency c-section. The baby was and is fine. She is not coping with healing from the c-section. I had a c-section, I know it's a bitch...

Baby has a tongue tie, the world is over. She took breastfeeding classes so thought it would be easy. Things didn't pan out who she planned, and she can't deal.

It sounds like she's part of the "trophy generation" and is just now figuring out that life doesn't throw fair pitches each time. Maybe she's sensing the unpredictability of life as a new parent, so she's determined to set rules to better control it.

It's still rude. Perhaps not rude to her generation, but imho I would never ASK people to bring me meals and do my chores. The idea is very embarrassing!

[Anonymous]

During my c-section recovery I ran into EVERY issue your SIL is trying to prevent, and I just wish I had guts to send such sort of an email. I also had a PP Anxiety and Depression (did not get diagnosed until later) that probably contributed to my attitude.

-healthy (no fevers within the last 48 hours, and no worrisome symptoms within the last couple of days this includes vomiting, diarrhea, and/or severe coughing)
"A" came to visit with a small child. Both sniffed and coughed, "A" casually mentioned hey are getting over a cold and not contagious. I freaked out for days, but guess, she was right - they were not contagious

-updated on ALL vaccines
"B" said he feels quite well, thank you very much, and does not need a flu shot.

-willing to help out (we are very behind in housework and rather spend time bonding with [baby] than cleaning and cooking)
"C" came to help, grabbed the baby and sat on the couch providing me with helpful tips on cooking and cleaning. All I wanted is to lay down and have the baby for myself, instead I was fixing meals and doing chores. Had she not come, I would not bother with cleaning and cooking, I am fine with frozen food and (somewhat) messy house. "C", however, insisted that home-cooked meals are the only way to go, as the immaculate house.

-over the age of 18 (we request no children come at this time)
See "A"

-not stay over allotted time. (30 minutes to an hour based on our needs)
Several family members camped out at our place every weekend, some also came over the week to hang out. Elderly "D" had different understanding of personal space than me, and when I tried to breastfeed alone, "D" would follow me and observe. I don't know "D" very well, she's from DH side of the family. She is sweet and older, so I kept my mouth shut, but man, I felt uncomfortable.

-not wearing an perfumes or scented body lotions
I developed an acute sense of smell during pregnancy, and was (still am) bothered by most scents. "C" loves her perfume, and I had to change the baby after she left the house.

[Anonymous]

Visit your new nephew for you, op. Maybe you can score a photo of you and him together. You and they will always remember who visited despite the email. Someday he will know who came to visit him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like perhaps she knows she's in a family of assholes (people who, you know, would post her private communications on the internet for people to ridicule) and it's setting firm boundaries from the beginning. Can't say I blame her.

Lol, so true.

[Anonymous]

Email is ridiculous! OP i want you as my SIL!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh I would love to read this and I am one who followed ped's instructons not to take baby in public for 2 months.

You have a very ignorant ped.

Really? Np but I had twins born at 33 weeks and our ped instructed us to be very cautious about taking babies out in public initially due to risk of RSV, etc. we had a sign on door asking everyone to wash hands before they touched babies that was it -- only person who had a problem with it was MIL, lol. Your SIL's email sounds ridiculous but maybe she lacks social skills?

Haven't you heard? Being on DCUM automatically qualifies you as more educated than any ped you can find. DCUM know-it-all's know better LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the mom is a high strung person who had a difficult delivery. The best thing would be for her to chill out, formula feed, nd get some sleep. But in place of that she is trying to exert control by obsessing over visitor rules. Not that anything she put in there is by itself unreasonable, but put together it just radiates anxiety. Op just play along for now and do what you can to support the family. Sounds like she is having a tough time.

what? maybe BF will be easy, calming for her and baby, and a source of peace and comfort for them both? are you projecting?

Ah. Here comes the real drama

[Anonymous]

What is it with you women wanting to hold other women's babies? Have your own and hold them. Or buy your self a freaky baby-like doll. Just leave my kid alone already!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like perhaps she knows she's in a family of assholes (people who, you know, would post her private communications on the internet for people to ridicule) and it's setting firm boundaries from the beginning. Can't say I blame her.

Lol, so true.

Exactly. Damn OP. Your SIL's email was over the top, but posting it here is worse. If you can't muster any compassion, at the very least, try not to be a bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is it with you women wanting to hold other women's babies? Have your own and hold them. Or buy your self a freaky baby-like doll. Just leave my kid alone already!

Um. Really?